Shell shocked

[Fustercluck]

I met a beautiful young co worker at a new job 20 years ago.  She seemed distraught in th evenings when she was waiting for her ride and would chat with me.  Said she was recently married due to an unexpected pregnancy and that her husband was an severe drug addict, abusive and she was going to leave him.

After a 3.5 year affair another manager was bragging that he was sleeping with her also.  I walked and never looked back.  8 years later I heard her husband passed away from a brain anuerism.  I sent her a condolence card.  With in a couple weeks it was like we had never been apart.  I told her why I moved on and she was shocked, swore it never happened and confided in me that her daughter was probably mine and that I could never tell.

Our first 3.5 years was amazing and we never had one argument. However our next 7 was anything but... .

All these skeletons started coming out of the closet, hidden molestation, mother committed suicide, husband committed suicide on wife's medication (not an anuerism), wife was actually a drug addict, all the sisters were extremely abusive to their husbands and had drug and/or alcohol issues.  Not knowing about BPD I handled, fixed and battled constant drama.  Never had been married I assumed it was part of the job.  The verbal abuse from her children was so vile I can't even post.  Two weeks after major back surgery she thought maybe I should move out.  I packed and left, front incision got infected ended up in 4 hospitals over the next few weeks, could not sleep for 8 days due to all the antibiotics and had a complete break down.  I ended up in a psych ward for over a week. (Very embarrassing )

A few months later she starts texting, calling so sorry etc... .  So now after 9 more months of lies, 2 STDs, 7,000.00 in loaned money I am in counseling for severe depression and learned about BPD. I have lost my home, an entire family of nieces, nephews, countless friends, children (one might be mine), my dogs. I really miss my dogs...

She has all the signs of BPD and has ruined numerous lives. However, she hides it so well and can seem so sincere.  Holy crap, 90 likes with every post on Facebook. I see the torment on the faces of the nieces and nephews and I worry about them.  I feel like the stump in the book " the giving tree".  I know I'm supposed to move on but I feel damaged, violated, broken.  We haven't spoke for a month.  But I know the call will probably come and I feel defenseless.  She drove her husband to suicide, let her sister die with out help or closure and lies to people about the most bizarre things.  I see her ending up just like her mother( committed suicide at 50) poor daughter thinks her father died and he is probably very much alive. 

Q: do I walk away or try to set things right with all the new found information.

The late husband actually left a journal and his family doesn't know the truth, they thought it was just an overdose?

Public service announcement? LoL

[AVR1962]

Only you can decide what to do in this situation. Whatever your choice, you are the one that has to live with your decision.

Having said that, my first husband was much like you described your ex-wife to be. I knew he wasn't always truthful but not until our divorce did I realize the magnitude of his lies. It was like my whole world unfolded right before me, it was like I had been brainwashed. He had lied about little stuff, stupid things and I believed him. I had so many questions after that.

The thing is these people are cons and they are good at manipulating. Your ex-wife has already warned her support system against you I can almost guarantee. You were her puppet and she was pulling the strings. You now facing her down or going to anyone with facts to contradict what they "know" is more than likely going to fall on deaf ears.

My advise to you is to get away from this person and never look back, don't answer another text message, email or telephone call. If she is on any media site as your friend, unfriend her. The only way you can save your own sanity in a situation like this is to never have contact. People like this do not know how to treat you with respect for who you are, they are Users and their kindness when you see it is to manipulate, it is for their gain, it is not about you.

[Fr4nz]

I met a beautiful young co worker at a new job 20 years ago.  She seemed distraught in th evenings when she was waiting for her ride and would chat with me.  Said she was recently married due to an unexpected pregnancy and that her husband was an severe drug addict, abusive and she was going to leave him.

After a 3.5 year affair another manager was bragging that he was sleeping with her also.  I walked and never looked back.  8 years later I heard her husband passed away from a brain anuerism.  I sent her a condolence card.  With in a couple weeks it was like we had never been apart.  I told her why I moved on and she was shocked, swore it never happened and confided in me that her daughter was probably mine and that I could never tell.

Our first 3.5 years was amazing and we never had one argument. However our next 7 was anything but... .

All these skeletons started coming out of the closet, hidden molestation, mother committed suicide, husband committed suicide on wife's medication (not an anuerism), wife was actually a drug addict, all the sisters were extremely abusive to their husbands and had drug and/or alcohol issues.  Not knowing about BPD I handled, fixed and battled constant drama.  Never had been married I assumed it was part of the job.  The verbal abuse from her children was so vile I can't even post.  Two weeks after major back surgery she thought maybe I should move out.  I packed and left, front incision got infected ended up in 4 hospitals over the next few weeks, could not sleep for 8 days due to all the antibiotics and had a complete break down.  I ended up in a psych ward for over a week. (Very embarrassing )

A few months later she starts texting, calling so sorry etc... . So now after 9 more months of lies, 2 STDs, 7,000.00 in loaned money I am in counseling for severe depression and learned about BPD. I have lost my home, an entire family of nieces, nephews, countless friends, children (one might be mine), my dogs. I really miss my dogs...

She has all the signs of BPD and has ruined numerous lives. However, she hides it so well and can seem so sincere.  Holy crap, 90 likes with every post on Facebook. I see the torment on the faces of the nieces and nephews and I worry about them.  I feel like the stump in the book " the giving tree".  I know I'm supposed to move on but I feel damaged, violated, broken.  We haven't spoke for a month.  But I know the call will probably come and I feel defenseless.  She drove her husband to suicide, let her sister die with out help or closure and lies to people about the most bizarre things.  I see her ending up just like her mother( committed suicide at 50) poor daughter thinks her father died and he is probably very much alive.  

Q: do I walk away or try to set things right with all the new found information.

The late husband actually left a journal and his family doesn't know the truth, they thought it was just an overdose?

Public service announcement? LoL

On the basis of what you wrote I'd say... .run away as fast as you can!

If you want, you could inform her and the people close to her about BPD... .but it could backfire. You have to make your own considerations to decide whether it's worth.

Anyway, her past speaks loud and clear.

[Fustercluck]

Thank you.  I was so angry these past few years but after learning about BPD I feel sorry for her.  When her mother committed suicide in 97 I was the first person she called.  Years later I hear her say in front of friends and family she died of diabetic coma?

I fear she is heading in the same direction.  To watch a vibrant beautiful person slowly breakdown in front of me while putting her game face on for the world is tough.

If I can save a life but be hated the rest of mine I guess it's worth it.