Over a year and she finds me, on my birthday

[once removed]

your therapist told you to "recognize how sick you are" for wanting to be in a relationship with her? if so, thats a pretty invalidating statement.

im sorry that you were told to leave on the staying and undecided boards. generally members are discouraged from "run" messages on those boards. regardless, it sounds like based on what you told them, that was their advice. so youve posted on leaving. the problem is that by the sound of your posts, you appear undecided.

they are different boards for different reasons, with different tones, lessons, advice. the leaving board is for those exiting the relationship, even if reluctantly. at that point, we try to keep the focus mostly on the member and their detachment process. that is why youve been asked the questions you have been asked, some of which have not really been answered. you are effectively trying to make up your mind, based on trying to read hers, when you say everything depends on whether she is signaling she wants to get back together. we dont know the answer to that. it does sound like jumping to conclusions. but the truth is that what really matters here is what you want or dont want and why. you can start to plan accordingly when you examine these sorts of questions. it helps sort things out.

[Mutt]

I'll never forget my therapist calmly saying to me, "spouses of BPD's almost never live a happy life. Recognize how sick you are for even wanting to be in a relationship with her"

Zen,

The impression that I get is that a part of your conversation with your T was maybe about going back to your ex and what the T thought about it and that's your T's feedback. You have feedback from the staying board and the comment that struck a chord with you is that some members feel obligated to stay because of family.

I hear conflicted feelings like there's a part of you that feels like you should go back but another part of you is warning you not to go back because it sounds like you're listening to the advice of your T and the staying board and maybe you have family and friends in the mix too. I'm trying to get this in context. Is there a part of you that wants to go back but your gut is telling you otherwise? It sounds to me like you want a friendly push to go back to her?

[Turkish]

I'll never forget my therapist calmly saying to me, "spouses of BPD's almost never live a happy life. Recognize how sick you are for even wanting to be in a relationship with her"

ZW,

This is a harsh statement. My theapist boiled it down to, "you made poor choices."

How did you feel when your therapist told you that?

T.