He said goodbye... Relieved or sad?

[Kc12]

My BPDX texted me saying goodbye, that he would never contact me again after I told him I didn't want to get back together and never would. A part of me is relieved to have him stop emailing and texting me. Another part of me feels sad, the idea of not having him in my life anymore. Even if it's the odd contact here and there. Of course it's only been 5 days but usually he will have sent something by now. I wonder if he is serious?

Has anyone's ex's ever said they'll never contact but have? How did you feel if they did/ never did again? Have you ever tried to reach out if they've said they'll never talk to you again? I suppose it depends on how you feel towards your ex.

[OnceConfused]

the urge of re-contact is always there during the first phase of the separation. Think about it, it has been so easy to pick up the phone and voila the other person will be right into your life.

To combat this feeling of attachment you have to fill your mind with the reasons you both departed in the first place. Don't wonder what the other person is doing now etc ... .Just think about the answer of this question: Will i be happy in the next 5 , 10, 20 yrs with this person with all the craziness I have experienced ?.

It took me 2 weeks of meditating, or listening to tape of words of wisdom, so when I left, I left ?

[Mutt]

Hi Kc12,

A pwBPD have all or nothing thinking, a failure in cohesively interpreting reality as an integrated whole with both good and positive qualities. A "never" statement is black and white thinking, did your BPDex say something in the past where he said he'll never do something? What happened?

POLL: Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking - Burns MD

[Kc12]

Hi Mutt, yes he is stubborn and appears to stay true to his word on previous accounts of 'never' doing something again. I suppose only time will tell... .

[MSNYC]

Mine very resolutely (and he usually sticks to his word) said good bye, I will never contact you again - and two weeks later sent an email. I didn't respond, and another two weeks later sent another brief email. Both were deeply apologetic, both said he missed me. (The most recent email sparked us initiating minimal contact again, which has been okay - no rages, no drama, no attempts to get back together.)

[Mutt]

Hi Mutt, yes he is stubborn and appears to stay true to his word on previous accounts of 'never' doing something again. I suppose only time will tell... .

I can see how that's sad. You have known him for two years. I agree with you when you say time will tell. Sometimes we say things when we're upset, hurt and feel loss and we see things differently when we have had time to process things.

I recall my ex wife saying similar things and I said similar things but we we were both emotionally raw. I recall being in family court and the conflict and hurt feelings and her lawyer saying that its like this now but it will get better. I didn't believe her L at the time because I felt emotionally fraught with everything.

You know your ex better than anyone on the boards. I think that you're right, you need more time behind you.

[Lonely_Astro]

Mine very resolutely (and he usually sticks to his word) said good bye, I will never contact you again - and two weeks later sent an email. I didn't respond, and another two weeks later sent another brief email. Both were deeply apologetic, both said he missed me. (The most recent email sparked us initiating minimal contact again, which has been okay - no rages, no drama, no attempts to get back together.)

Just a word of caution here: it could be a form of manipulation, a way back "in" so to speak.

I was NC for 3 years with my pwBPD. We started minimal contact and she seemed well regulated. That turned into a relationship that lasted a year (closing now). Various things have came to light recently for me that had shown me that I shouldn't have bought into the image she presented me.

You know your pwBPD better than anyone here, just be optimistically cautious. That's all I'm saying