Yesterday I saw my ex walking down the street with her boyfriend.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

This is the first time I have seen her since the last time we were talking (3 months ago). She literally lives in an apartment build right next to me, so I knew it would happen eventually, no matter how hard I tried to avoid seeing her. It pretty much ruined my day. I couldn't get my mind off of it. Self doubt hit pretty hard. At this point she has been with him longer than she was with me. I know the way she treated me wasn't healthy, but I honestly don't understand how it seems nobody else is getting treated the same way.

My replacement broke up with her less than a month in, but when we talked (due to triangulation) I asked if he noticed anything odd about her and he said everything seemed fine. I'm afraid that I made her crazy. Granted I know she has some mental issues, but I'm worried that I was triggering her most of the time we were together. What if a decent relationship was possible with her?

After seeing her again, I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want her back. I think the only reason I am not trying to contact her is because I know how it will end. I'm doing my best to stay away to protect myself from being hurt, yet I am hurting anyways. She gave me the option to be friends (and "maybe more with time" the last time we talked and I told her that I couldn't do that. I knew that when she got with another guy I would get jealous. Then she started saying she can't be with me because she is scared of me and she can't trust me.

I feel that I am being irrational at this point. Seeing her with another guy shouldn't bother me. If I cared about her like I try to convince myself, then I should be happy for her. Maybe it's because of the stuff she said to me during the idealization phase. Telling me I am the one, and that she was glad she found the perfect guy, etc. It's like seeing proof that none of those words meant anything. I was just in the right place when she was single.

This sounds really messed up, but I envy that she can just be so "close" to someone and just act like they don't exist if they are not around. Months later I am still hurting from it, and she is doing just fine as always. She only feels what she wants, and if it's pain she can just put it away like it's nothing.

It's so hard to try to move on when at anytime I can see her, or she can contact me. The last time she contacted me, she used a different number. I can say for certain if I got the same "I made mistake" apologies that I have gotten in the past, that I would end up right back into it. I'm anticipating it, even though it may or may not happen. Eventually I will be deleted from her life, maybe I already am, there is no way to know.

Sorry if this is all over the place, I just needed to write.

[Schermarhorn]

This is the first time I have seen her since the last time we were talking (3 months ago). She literally lives in an apartment build right next to me, so I knew it would happen eventually, no matter how hard I tried to avoid seeing her. It pretty much ruined my day. I couldn't get my mind off of it. Self doubt hit pretty hard. At this point she has been with him longer than she was with me. I know the way she treated me wasn't healthy, but I honestly don't understand how it seems nobody else is getting treated the same way.

My replacement broke up with her less than a month in, but when we talked (due to triangulation) I asked if he noticed anything odd about her and he said everything seemed fine. I'm afraid that I made her crazy. Granted I know she has some mental issues, but I'm worried that I was triggering her most of the time we were together. What if a decent relationship was possible with her?

After seeing her again, I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't want her back. I think the only reason I am not trying to contact her is because I know how it will end. I'm doing my best to stay away to protect myself from being hurt, yet I am hurting anyways. She gave me the option to be friends (and "maybe more with time" the last time we talked and I told her that I couldn't do that. I knew that when she got with another guy I would get jealous. Then she started saying she can't be with me because she is scared of me and she can't trust me.

I feel that I am being irrational at this point. Seeing her with another guy shouldn't bother me. If I cared about her like I try to convince myself, then I should be happy for her. Maybe it's because of the stuff she said to me during the idealization phase. Telling me I am the one, and that she was glad she found the perfect guy, etc. It's like seeing proof that none of those words meant anything. I was just in the right place when she was single.

This sounds really messed up, but I envy that she can just be so "close" to someone and just act like they don't exist if they are not around. Months later I am still hurting from it, and she is doing just fine as always. She only feels what she wants, and if it's pain she can just put it away like it's nothing.

It's so hard to try to move on when at anytime I can see her, or she can contact me. The last time she contacted me, she used a different number. I can say for certain if I got the same "I made mistake" apologies that I have gotten in the past, that I would end up right back into it. I'm anticipating it, even though it may or may not happen. Eventually I will be deleted from her life, maybe I already am, there is no way to know.

Sorry if this is all over the place, I just needed to write.

[shatra]

Months later I am still hurt and she is just fine

-----Are you sure about that? How do u know that? She may just be avoiding the pain or denying it

I feel that I am being irrational at this point. Seeing her with another guy shouldn't bother me. If I cared about her like I try to convince myself, then I should be happy for her.

-----When people say that "Oh, if you care about your ex you should be happy for them if they are with a new person"  that is what is irrational to me!  If you care about them, it would be natural to feel jealous and sad that they are with someone else instead of you!

----WHat was the reason for the breakup?

[Forteventur]

I wish I had any kind of advice to give, but I'm in a similar situation.

She says she's seeing someone else, and that she's happy now. It makes me wonder if it's legit, or if it's just the idealization phase talking. I wonder if she'll ever paint me white again, despite the way we broke up, my mistakes and everything that was said.

Even knowing (or hoping) that it isn't healthy, I still feel jealous of her and still anxiously wait for a text, an e-mail or anything, and I'm constantly thinking what she could be doing, if she's alone or not, or if she's with him, etc.

I agree with shatra. It does feel irrational, because you want that person to be happy with you.

You will feel hurt when you think that the one you love is 'happy' with someone that isn't you, because love is selfish: we want them to be with us, we want to make them happy and we want them to love us back. And we want them to miss us.

[Schermarhorn]

Months later I am still hurt and she is just fine

-----Are you sure about that? How do u know that? She may just be avoiding the pain or denying it

I feel that I am being irrational at this point. Seeing her with another guy shouldn't bother me. If I cared about her like I try to convince myself, then I should be happy for her.

-----When people say that "Oh, if you care about your ex you should be happy for them if they are with a new person"  that is what is irrational to me!  If you care about them, it would be natural to feel jealous and sad that they are with someone else instead of you!

----WHat was the reason for the breakup?

It is just speculation. She replaced me instantly. When my replacement broke up with her, she jumped back to me. From what I have read, pwBpd can sort of brush negative feelings away, so they don't experience them.

The official reason she broke up with me was because she went on a trip and started to ignore my calls and texts. We then got into an argument (and she was throwing insults) I told her she needed to respect me or I couldn't be with her. She blocked me and that was it.

The unofficial reason was that she met someone on the trip (the replacement). I believe she was just pushing me away to date him.

[shatra]

Forventurere wrote

I agree with shatra. It does feel irrational, because you want that person to be happy with you.

You will feel hurt when you think that the one you love is 'happy' with someone that isn't you, because love is selfish: we want them to be with us, we want to make them happy and we want them to love us back. And we want them to miss us.

------Thanks.  Many times they actually do love us back and are happy with us... .until the push pull and splitting kick in, and then they push us away. Until the same thing happens with the replacement and then they try to pull us back in, remembering the love and the happy times with us.  I wonder too if they miss us during all this.

Nonya ====

   So the reason for the breakkup was she met a man on the trip... .but then she broke up with him and contacted you, and now she is with a different replacement?  Are you in contact with her now?

[Schermarhorn]

Forventurere wrote

I agree with shatra. It does feel irrational, because you want that person to be happy with you.

You will feel hurt when you think that the one you love is 'happy' with someone that isn't you, because love is selfish: we want them to be with us, we want to make them happy and we want them to love us back. And we want them to miss us.

------Thanks.  Many times they actually do love us back and are happy with us... .until the push pull and splitting kick in, and then they push us away. Until the same thing happens with the replacement and then they try to pull us back in, remembering the love and the happy times with us.  I wonder too if they miss us during all this.

Nonya ====

   So the reason for the breakkup was she met a man on the trip... .but then she broke up with him and contacted you, and now she is with a different replacement?  Are you in contact with her now?

Yes, except he dumped her. When she contacted me she was over apologetic claiming he was a terrible mistake.

And no, we have been in NC for 2 months. The last thing she said was that we just hurt each other and goodbye. She has said that to me many times in the past. The only thing different about this time and other time was that she didn't block me.

[Kelli Cornett]

Be grateful the guys isn't you?   

[mrwigand]

First of all, don't blame yourself for not being thrilled she's seeing someone else. It's perfectly normal to have mixed or even very negative feelings about that. That's okay!

Also, I know you're hurting, and seeing her with someone else is bringing up a lot of emotions, but I read your first post, and believe me... .You are in a better place not in a relationship with this person. It might be hard to believe it, but it's still relatively fresh! being back with her will only lead to more pain.

[shatra]

Nonya wrote---

Yes, except he dumped her. When she contacted me she was over apologetic claiming he was a terrible mistake.  And no, we have been in NC for 2 months. The last thing she said was that we just hurt each other and goodbye. She has said that to me many times in the past. The only thing different about this time and other time was that she didn't block me.

---So there have been 2 replacements. She may return, as she has in the past. She blocked you now but didn't in the past? SOme of them unblock the person later on.


Yes Forevetur it is natural to feel upset and jealous seeing them with someone else.  I wonder if they miss us?

[Schermarhorn]

Nonya wrote---

Yes, except he dumped her. When she contacted me she was over apologetic claiming he was a terrible mistake.  And no, we have been in NC for 2 months. The last thing she said was that we just hurt each other and goodbye. She has said that to me many times in the past. The only thing different about this time and other time was that she didn't block me.

---So there have been 2 replacements. She may return, as she has in the past. She blocked you now but didn't in the past? SOme of them unblock the person later on.


Yes Forevetur it is natural to feel upset and jealous seeing them with someone else.  I wonder if they miss us?

In reverse. This is the first time that I haven't been blocked, only removed. I only know this because her name is still visible on snapchat.

The last time I talked to her, she said that she was taking care of a girl (she worked at a summer camp) that looked like my sister. She said it took everything she had not to smack her because she reminded her of me.

I think in her case she thinks about me sometimes, but mostly for hate if she is in another relationship. If she is single I think she may miss me in a sense. I don't know if that is only because she is lonely or what.

Essentially she is two people, and one of them hates me.