I just received a phone call from my Expd after 4 months NC

[guy4caligirl]

A few minutes ago , I got a call from a number I had forgotten how did I ?  NC did it  . ... It was my EXBPD

It feels good that I was myself ,no shaking no pleading ,nothing but happy humor .

She called to ask me to give a good reference about her working for my business as she's applying for a new job (been out of work since she left though) ... .  REALLY ? .Nice try !

The conversation thanks to this board ,was well executed I was ready full course , Validation at it's best , laughing , joking around , for at least an hour , never mentioned anything personal but life is good . and it was a call that won't change me or my personal path ,I am so proud that I came to this point  .

To be totally honest with you all and myself , it didn't t move me by any means, I was calm collective, funny , positive and courteous , I can say now I feel I have put her behind but to say all the way umm ? I am alert , I don't and refuse to  dwell or let that call change my course , a small part of my heart wants me to reengage but I know where that would lead again

I ended the call and wished her the best truly .Btw the way , I know I was talking to someone that was putting a show , her reason to call me is because I don't call her and cut contact ,they will call you when you vanish out of their lives and go NC , and also don't expect that they will be truthful concerning the reason for their call , refrain from asking the reason of their call you won't get the true answer  and you will trigger them again . Just leave it at that .

I wanted to share this with our new members and remind them that one day will come and you will be ok it's almost a year and a half  since B/U... .

Take it day by day ,I am not going to tell you what to do if you're freshly out and still hurting . Do what you have to do !

I have done what all of us did, I tried everything in the book to win her back after the B/U and more I mean everything  you can imagine .

I wish you all the best of luck .

Your comments are appreciated

Thank you .

[tribalmart]

Hi guy4caligirl,

Your testimonial is great and soo positive. I'm going trough an hard time... .some days are good some are difficult but I dont wanna give up the fight. To be honnest, for the moment light at the end of the tunnel seems far away but I believe that day will come... .maybe sooner than I think! Sadness is behind me, now I feel rage and anger for what she did (lies/manipulation/seems to feel good with her rebound/no empathy... .and alot more). I got to take it stage by stage but I dont know where I am in this long journey!

What u have just written show me that it's possible to recover! it's alot of hope for me... .hope that life will become peaceful and fun again... .that my self-esteem will get back... .that my exBPDgf will finaly go out of my head!

Thank u so much!

[guy4caligirl]

Tribalmart

I know it's easier said than done trust me , Like 2 hours after I received the call , my thoughts started to head her way but I really don't want to go that route again I honestly would like another chance but I know I shouldn't , believe me after what I have seen what's available out there on line (I live in a resort town ) and the dating world she is still a better choice than many of them to me anyways to my situation .

Here is my  Problem :

I posted  a couple of days something about , after dating a few girls and I end up disappointed and alone , I long her yes I do ! Today I get a phone call I ask myself why ?

I really don't want to spend a minute thinking why Now , perhaps trouble in paradise ? I don't know if I ask her to give us another chance I know the answer even if it is a lie " I moved on so should you  " I did not give her that pleasure .

I hope and wish I don't dwell on it and fall back , I felt through out the conversation that she up for something she said I miss your voice ... .

I am starting to think I need you guys help to keep me focus and not to fall back in that dark hole !

[C.Stein]

IMO, if she hasn't shown some real progress in addressing her BPD traits/behavior, to me it seems the choice is clear. 

[tribalmart]

guy4caligirl,

Maybe mine (ex BPD gf) will try to come back too? who knows? I prefer to think she will do and preparing myself to be strong and ready to deal with that by boosting my self-esteem! To respect myslef, I just cant forget everything she did to me... .not only one time, there's a clear pattern and she did alot of damages!

You cannot give a person a second chance if there is no sincere remorse, strong desire to change, therapy or some serious Healing plan! She cannot come back just by saying ''I miss you'' it would be too simple. After all you went trough are u going to take her back so easily ? She doesnt deserve that favor and you deserve alot more. Dont give up, you will meet someone else... .just be patient and positive just like before this call!

[guy4caligirl]

Good to hear that Tribal .

I am glad I was ready , I feel that I did great not even one mess up validate her in a proper way and kept it pleasant not personal .

I am glad you're working on being ready to face her if she ever does reach out for you ... .Stay NC .

I already learned a few things from the two responses I got so far .

Don't surrender easy because she initiated contact .

 A real progress in addressing BPD behavior is a must .

Please Help me get ready for her next contact . Or what should I do ?

[guy4caligirl]

Good to hear that Tribal .

I am glad I was ready , I feel that I did great not even one mess up validate her in a proper way and kept it pleasant not personal .

I am glad you're working on being ready to face her if she ever does reach out for you ... .Stay NC .

I already learned a few things from the two responses I got so far .

Don't surrender easy because she initiated contact .

 A real progress in addressing BPD behavior is a must .

Please Help me get ready for her next contact . Or what should I do ?

This is what I posted on the board a few days ago

After a year and 4 months after the B/U , I went NC for 4 months now , she broke it by text once ,needing $ ,I didn't respond .

I started dating a few months ago and nothing as of yet  swept me away, I mean I really dated a lot of girls three of them were BPD (I ran like F. Gump)

I worked hard on myself to be able to put things behind me and get better  , but why is it when these friendships or mini relationships ,when They end and I am alone , she comes back in my mind and wish she will contact me again and wanting to recycle ,Strange I know the answer... .Your comments would be much appreciated !

Thank you

[tribalmart]

guy4caligirl,

You were on the good track! Keep going on that way and:

-Stay NC

-Do not hope her to call you again(Even if it's kind of satisfying)... .she will only mess you up!

-There's soo many women, she's not the only one! I dont know when but you will meet someone else... .look for someone sane first!

-If she try to contact you, you always have the choice to answer or not!

-Do not forget every crual things she did... .and at 99% she did'nt change! Her illness is not a excuse for playing with you

-Dont let emotions overpass your rational side!

-Stay on this forum for a while!

Hope it helps you!

[guy4caligirl]

Tribal

You're the man I love what you wrote 

[Mutt]

Hi guy4cali,

She called to ask me to give a good reference about her working for my business as she's applying for a new job (been out of work since she left though)

You've come along way in a year. I'm happy to hear that you're using the communication skills that you have learned here and it sounds like the conversation went well  

This is my advice, don't get too worked up, you may not have to worry about getting prepped for another call soon. I think that she might of called just for that reason, a work reference.

You talked for an hour and you have been in NC for 4 months it sounds like you two were catching up?

[guy4caligirl]

Hey Matt .

I appreciate your reply , it wasn't that easy as you know it's the hardest thing I went trough but for all our fellow new members I can say one advice read  and read more ... .

Time heals all wounds !

I can assure you that I was in control of the whole conversation , talked mostly about what I  had accomplished since we last talked 4 months ago, also positive change in business and life itself  and lots of laughing ... .(I was me the happy me before I met her)  I did nothing to trigger her but in the contrary sweet and encouraging funny and validated her skills without going over board .it was a very pleasant conversation that I ended it before she did and wished her the best . she even asked me to send her pics but I am not going to .

I know very well  calling me was not about the reference ,she knows well  that I am the only reference she has and we have talked about it before . 

I learned from being on this board for a while not to put much thoughts in the reason she called and don't get any highs up and not to put much effort to spend day and night thinking about what to do next ... .NC is next  , I posted this topic knowing what you all would say and advise me , I hope our new members take a good look and finally . 

It's not the end of the world, you have you and a bright future ahead I feel everyone's pain I really do ,but you can't change the unchangeable what was suppose to happen happened ,trust the maker and trust in him .

Thanks  the more comments  the better it is for all of us !