I honestly don't know where all this talk has come in about pwBPD loving you so much that they leave you before you leave them. I know that deep down they have a fear of abandonment, but seriously... .Mine was always chasing someone else thinking I would stay!
Not loving you in the sense you mean, being attached to you, you are an attachment, someone to 'complete' him, along with the fear of losing that attachment, abandonment. So the answer is to create another attachment, or several, so that losing one doesn't leave him totally alone, where a borderline can feel like they literally don't exist without an attachment. That's all probably subconscious for him though, and shows up as emotions; I feel bad with who I'm with, I feel bad about myself, I want to feel better, this person over here makes me feel better. And sitting down and having a heart-to-heart with you isn't an option, because then you will see the worthlessness and shame he sees in himself and you will leave, abandonment.
He told me hated me and couldn't wait to get rid of me and our house! (it was for sale) It took idiot me to find him in our bed last Xmas with someone else to finally walk away! I think that maybe they are so mixed up in the head that they don't know what they want
One possibility: he takes all his shame and self-hatred, projects it on you, hates you instead of himself, leaves you, which conveniently makes the parts of himself he hates go away, and then establishes a new attachment with a corresponding fantasy that THIS one will make all his pain go away. It doesn't, but it was a plan, one that leaves pain in his wake, so in that sense he's 'sharing'.
None of this makes sense... .but, I DO NOT feel like he just went off and found someone because he feared I would leave him. I feel like he did what he damn well pleased... .I doesn't feel like love to me! This new person is just a pacifier anyway, because she is not at all they type of person he would ultimately want to be with... .Maybe that's the key work here... .since they are all toddlers at heart. We are pacifiers! When I would confront him on his bad behavior, he didn't like being told he was doing wrong... .so he went off thinking he would find someone who will put up with his crap. He treated me like his Mother really... .sad.
It does make sense if you look at it through the lens of borderline personality disorder. Not fair and painful, but possible to understand, and most of us here have not been exposed, not only exposed but emotionally connected to, someone with a mental illness before, especially one that causes the sufferer to get very good at attaching emotionally to people, because it's literally a matter of life or death for the borderline, but they don't come with a rulebook or a manual, so we get to find out the hard way how they're wired. Sorry you're going through that Blue, learning about the disorder and how it applies to him might help. Take care of you!
