Aftermath of the Silent Treatment

[Lou12]

I've just endured another stint of silent treatment, only lasting 4 days this time which is quite a result. Andddd I actually used validation techniques this time so I'm not sure if I pulled him out of it or it was just fluke! Time will tell.

Anyhow what I wanted to know was... does anyone else's BPD tell you that they were just busy and not ignoring you? It's totally gas lighting I know but I'm more interested in the reason behind why they totally deny any silent treatment was given and say 'they were just really busy'? 

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[hellosun]

Perhaps he is too ashamed of his behaviour to own up to it? Or perhaps he is intentionally being abusive. Or there could be some truth to it, where his combined full schedule and bad feelings about you provided him with a rationalization to ignore you?

I have not had this happen to me. My pwBPD never pretends the silent treatment didn't happen (possibly because he used to always start them with an outbust along the lines of "I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!" *facepalm*)

[Bigmd]

I got the silent treatment so many times I can't count. Of course then I had no idea what Bpd was. My exgf would jus tell me I get her so mad she just shuts down . It was always"me". One time she was responding to my texts all day. When I asked if she was mad at me she just said there are plenty of times where she is too busy at work to talk. Which was bs . Anyway that lead to over a week I'd ST. In my opinion the worst punishment for a non BPD.

[steve195915]

When I get the silent treatment it's either it was all my fault because I got them angry or sometimes it's that they were very busy, or didn't see the messages, hear the phone calls, didn't see the phone messages either, which is an absolute lie.  The common thing is it's never them doing anything wrong. 

[Daniell85]

I am the Queen of Recipient of Silent Treatments.

My boyfriend is very open about why he does it. He is angry at me and wants to retaliate by not speaking to me. After awhile, if left to himself, he will calm down and want to talk again. He has pointed out to me that my "cross examining" him about why or what or me pointing out that I find his intentionally hurtful behavior... well... .hurtful "makes" him "not want to talk to you again."

I don't ask him anymore. Not because I am fussed about being deliberately ignored anymore, frankly I think he is full of it and I really don't have the inclination to interact with someone who is deliberately trying to hurt me.

So we have a pretty rocky situation with him running off and projecting blame, retaliating whenever he feels like. What I learned, and it was HARD for me, is just to go about my business and get on with other things.

It took a number of years, and a lot of loss of love on my part. Atm, I am blocked, being ignored, given silent treatment, and he is trying to get my attention to for ME to ( initiate talking with him again )  talk in the one place he hasn't blocked me right now. This has been going on for about 11 days this time around, and I am just ignoring him back.

[cosmonaut]

My ex would tell me she was sick.  And she often was.  She has some very serious, chronic health problems.  No one can deny that she struggles routinely, and bad days are more common than good days.  Still, there's no reason she couldn't return a text or even a call, and clearly being sick was often a cover.  When we were able to talk about it, and often she didn't want to talk about it and would get upset when I would try, she said that she just felt so irritable she couldn't even stand herself and she didn't want me to see her like that.  That she didn't want to hurt me, because she would be really mean.  I think she was telling me the truth, and in her own way telling me she was emotionally dysregulated and needed time to quiet her emotions.  Neither of us knew about BPD at the time, but it's so clear in retrospect.  Perhaps some pwBPD use the silent treatment as punishment like young children tend to do, but some pwBPD seem to use it more for self-preservation from overwhelming emotion.

I know how hard the silence is to deal with, however.  It is very difficult to be patient and understanding when you are being treated in such a hurtful way.  I can only say to try and be patient and realize that it is not your fault.  It is the disorder.