How to communicate when NC?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I'm out of work and may need surgery. Bad herniated disc and can barely walk. The worst time- BPD out of house, he's unemployed, he has no insurance. I put his kids on my insurance plan to save $. He berated me last week for hours on phone even knowing what horrible pain I was in and still grieving about his affair. I said NC because I just can't cope with him at this point. He sent me an email demanding I resolve the insurance because his kids were denied rxs. Turned out he never submitted his proof of no job or insurance so he and the kids could be covered immediately. So was able to resolve that but when I mentioned I would need surgery and now had to take a leave of absence, he went crazy. When did I plan on telling him ( I only spoke to dr day before), demanding to know exactly when, how much and frequency of disability pay. I had to take a taxi to get to epidural procedure and he went nuts I did not ask permission to do that! I also got my hair cut and as usual he did not put enough on credit card so I had to use our debit.Went crazy again, I should have called him and asked him to put money on. And OH by the way, how come I can't go to work but can drive myself to get a haircut? Just insanity. I emailed NO more communication because I simply will have a nervous breakdown if I have to be berated again. This man has blown away thousands since he quit his job in May and now that we will be struggling to pay bills it's somehow me causing the financial problems.

I am trying to be aware he is also suffering a great deal but enough is enough and I have to take care of myself. No money to retain lawyer yet to communicate but I need to speak with him about arising issues. I'd hate to put anyone in the middle but do not know what to do. Suggestions?

[Beacher]

I'm out of work and may need surgery. Bad herniated disc and can barely walk. The worst time- BPD out of house, he's unemployed, he has no insurance. I put his kids on my insurance plan to save $. He berated me last week for hours on phone even knowing what horrible pain I was in and still grieving about his affair. I said NC because I just can't cope with him at this point. He sent me an email demanding I resolve the insurance because his kids were denied rxs. Turned out he never submitted his proof of no job or insurance so he and the kids could be covered immediately. So was able to resolve that but when I mentioned I would need surgery and now had to take a leave of absence, he went crazy. When did I plan on telling him ( I only spoke to dr day before), demanding to know exactly when, how much and frequency of disability pay. I had to take a taxi to get to epidural procedure and he went nuts I did not ask permission to do that! I also got my hair cut and as usual he did not put enough on credit card so I had to use our debit.Went crazy again, I should have called him and asked him to put money on. And OH by the way, how come I can't go to work but can drive myself to get a haircut? Just insanity. I emailed NO more communication because I simply will have a nervous breakdown if I have to be berated again. This man has blown away thousands since he quit his job in May and now that we will be struggling to pay bills it's somehow me causing the financial problems.

I am trying to be aware he is also suffering a great deal but enough is enough and I have to take care of myself. No money to retain lawyer yet to communicate but I need to speak with him about arising issues. I'd hate to put anyone in the middle but do not know what to do. Suggestions?

[Mutt]

Hi Beacher,

I can see why you're tired of putting up with it. Are you separated in the same house or are you living separately?

[Beacher]

Thankfully he has moved out to his mothers apartment so I do not have to see him. Although he has moved everything out he still pays the bills for now and wants to come and go which I am not denying him. The last time the police were here they were very nice and said the minute he gets verbally abusive and I see it escalating I should call them.

[Mutt]

I'm sorry to hear about your health and that you're going through all of this. He's projecting his worries about money. You emailed to him no more communication and he can come and go. I can also see how NC would be difficult if he is paying the bills for now. Have you considered minimal contact? Do you talk to him on the phone or by email?

[Beacher]

The last time we spoke he was so hyped up and telling me what a bad person I was I could barely get a word in  called back and it was the same thing.sent me 2 nasty emails about the money/ credit card thing demanding answers and bringing up the hair thing again ( it's like reading an angry 5 years old letter) I said NC. I'm just in too much pain and worried about my surgery to I do not want to put one thing more on my plate. I texted him quickly tonight to tell him I left his mail on the front porch, the insurance is taken care of, and I will be needing surgery ASAP. He did not respond.