It's been a while, but I'm back and in trouble

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hey John, no doubt that BPD and HPD women represent the inspiration behind many songs (now it comes to my mind, for example, "Angie" by Rolling Stones or "Wasted Time" by The Eagles).

And I also relate to those feelings of longing towards my ex uBPD (+HPD traits)... .probably like yours, mine was so intelligent, creative, charismatic, funny and, in the end, a very good person... .what a waste of talent!

However, you have to realize that these people are really troubled, and you risk to waste the relationship you have with a very caring and stable woman for an unhealty and emotionally destroying relationship with an unstable woman (even after we consider all their extremely good qualities)... .choose carefully my friend, we only have one life and we have to make wise choices

Perhaps, one thing you have to learn is to "let them go"... .it is a very hard thing to do, but in the end it will give you much clarity about who you are, and it will represent a valuable tool in your life.

I really had a hard time to let my ex go, especially because I have my own BPD traits (even if I'm an equilibrate person, overall). Is it possible that you have BPD traits as well? Considering the way you write, IMHO you may have BPD traits, for sure you're not NPD (and if you have them, then you could have a covert-narcissistic component).

From this perspective, Conundrum's posts are really beautiful and compassionate, I suggest you to read them.

Moreover, the "let go" concept may be an inspiration for future songs

I'm curious, how does my writing style infer to you that I may have BPD (or BPD traits)?  Not offended, just curious.

I have long thought that I had BPD and I've argued with two therapists over the fact that they would not agree with me. Both therapists have basically said the same thing which is that I have a very addictive personality, which when comprised with OCD (which I also have) becomes a very distorted and emotional world that's easily triggered.

They said, where I don't have BPD is:

1) I have a self identity and I don't take on the interests of my partners (unless I want to)

2) I don't exhibit excessive rage even when I'm angry

3) I never split the partner black. I am very forgiving and I never hate them (and sometimes I wish I did hate them)

4) I have a lot of empathy for people and animals and I am usually the go-to friend for any of my friends when they're really amidst a crisis.  This part of my personality has been really screwed up lately due to what's going on and I see a lot of my friendships waining.

5) I don't have a distinct fear of abandonment and I have a very secure and loving relationship with both my parents.

Where I do have elements of BPD is:

1) I can be very in my own head and see the worst in everything even if its mostly (or all) in my head

2) I crave tumultuous drama in relationships even though when its happening I literally can't take it

3) I put a great deal of the value of myself in my relationship and how my partner is valued by others. I am very ashamed of this

4) I have a tendency to act out in self harm when I'm very upset in the form of overspending.

[JohnThorn]

Hey John, no doubt that BPD and HPD women represent the inspiration behind many songs (now it comes to my mind, for example, "Angie" by Rolling Stones or "Wasted Time" by The Eagles).

And I also relate to those feelings of longing towards my ex uBPD (+HPD traits)... .probably like yours, mine was so intelligent, creative, charismatic, funny and, in the end, a very good person... .what a waste of talent!

However, you have to realize that these people are really troubled, and you risk to waste the relationship you have with a very caring and stable woman for an unhealty and emotionally destroying relationship with an unstable woman (even after we consider all their extremely good qualities)... .choose carefully my friend, we only have one life and we have to make wise choices

Perhaps, one thing you have to learn is to "let them go"... .it is a very hard thing to do, but in the end it will give you much clarity about who you are, and it will represent a valuable tool in your life.

I really had a hard time to let my ex go, especially because I have my own BPD traits (even if I'm an equilibrate person, overall). Is it possible that you have BPD traits as well? Considering the way you write, IMHO you may have BPD traits, for sure you're not NPD (and if you have them, then you could have a covert-narcissistic component).

From this perspective, Conundrum's posts are really beautiful and compassionate, I suggest you to read them.

Moreover, the "let go" concept may be an inspiration for future songs

I'm curious, how does my writing style infer to you that I may have BPD (or BPD traits)?  Not offended, just curious.

I have long thought that I had BPD and I've argued with two therapists over the fact that they would not agree with me. Both therapists have basically said the same thing which is that I have a very addictive personality, which when comprised with OCD (which I also have) becomes a very distorted and emotional world that's easily triggered.

They said, where I don't have BPD is:

1) I have a self identity and I don't take on the interests of my partners (unless I want to)

2) I don't exhibit excessive rage even when I'm angry

3) I never split the partner black. I am very forgiving and I never hate them (and sometimes I wish I did hate them)

4) I have a lot of empathy for people and animals and I am usually the go-to friend for any of my friends when they're really amidst a crisis.  This part of my personality has been really screwed up lately due to what's going on and I see a lot of my friendships waining.

5) I don't have a distinct fear of abandonment and I have a very secure and loving relationship with both my parents.

Where I do have elements of BPD is:

1) I can be very in my own head and see the worst in everything even if its mostly (or all) in my head

2) I crave tumultuous drama in relationships even though when its happening I literally can't take it

3) I put a great deal of the value of myself in my relationship and how my partner is valued by others. I am very ashamed of this

4) I have a tendency to act out in self harm when I'm very upset in the form of overspending.

[pallavirajsinghani]

John:  This woman you are fascinated with is your "Muse".  I don't see why this bothers you so much.  The conflicts that you are going through are the fodder of creative process.  It is garnering of the energy.  You can utilize this inspirational process better... .rather than be tortured by it.  A raging wild fire is quite beautiful when captured in a song, painting, poem, story.

Instead of assessing this phenomenon in moral terms and thinking of it as a betrayal of the girlfriend you currently live with, possibly you can embrace it in a different way.

I am not sure if I am able to communicate the perspective I am trying to suggest... .

[Fr4nz]

Hey John, no doubt that BPD and HPD women represent the inspiration behind many songs (now it comes to my mind, for example, "Angie" by Rolling Stones or "Wasted Time" by The Eagles).

And I also relate to those feelings of longing towards my ex uBPD (+HPD traits)... .probably like yours, mine was so intelligent, creative, charismatic, funny and, in the end, a very good person... .what a waste of talent!

However, you have to realize that these people are really troubled, and you risk to waste the relationship you have with a very caring and stable woman for an unhealty and emotionally destroying relationship with an unstable woman (even after we consider all their extremely good qualities)... .choose carefully my friend, we only have one life and we have to make wise choices

Perhaps, one thing you have to learn is to "let them go"... .it is a very hard thing to do, but in the end it will give you much clarity about who you are, and it will represent a valuable tool in your life.

I really had a hard time to let my ex go, especially because I have my own BPD traits (even if I'm an equilibrate person, overall). Is it possible that you have BPD traits as well? Considering the way you write, IMHO you may have BPD traits, for sure you're not NPD (and if you have them, then you could have a covert-narcissistic component).

From this perspective, Conundrum's posts are really beautiful and compassionate, I suggest you to read them.

Moreover, the "let go" concept may be an inspiration for future songs

I'm curious, how does my writing style infer to you that I may have BPD (or BPD traits)?  Not offended, just curious.

I have long thought that I had BPD and I've argued with two therapists over the fact that they would not agree with me. Both therapists have basically said the same thing which is that I have a very addictive personality, which when comprised with OCD (which I also have) becomes a very distorted and emotional world that's easily triggered.

They said, where I don't have BPD is:

1) I have a self identity and I don't take on the interests of my partners (unless I want to)

2) I don't exhibit excessive rage even when I'm angry

3) I never split the partner black. I am very forgiving and I never hate them (and sometimes I wish I did hate them)

4) I have a lot of empathy for people and animals and I am usually the go-to friend for any of my friends when they're really amidst a crisis.  This part of my personality has been really screwed up lately due to what's going on and I see a lot of my friendships waining.

5) I don't have a fear of abandonment and I have a very secure and loving relationship with both my parents.

Where I do have elements of BPD is:

1) I can be very in my own head and see the worst in everything even if its mostly (or all) in my head

2) I crave tumultuous drama in relationships even though when its happening I literally can't take it

3) I put a great deal of the value of myself in my relationship and how my partner is valued by others. I am very ashamed of this

4) I have a tendency to act out in self harm when I'm very upset in the form of overspending.

John, having BPD traits doesn't mean you are BPD, just that you are, overall, an equilibrate person with some specific tendencies/quirks

You may want to look at this document where it is well explained the difference between "style" and "disorder":

www.maretwebproject.com/users/docs/borderline.pdf

You're having a very hard time to let her go, and the way you write somehow resonates with the way I experienced the aftermath of my relationship... .it's just an impression I have, so possibly I'm wrong, but it's worth to think about it: is it possible that you have your own issues with fear of abandonment? Do you usually find hard to leave a partner (or being left)?

Also, you wrote:

5) I don't have a distinct fear of abandonment and I have a very secure and loving relationship with both my parents.

however, this does not exclude the issue, since even a very loving, yet controlling or "helicopter" mother can make some kind of damage; possibilities are infinite when it comes to explain the origin behind BPD traits.

Also: when someone still wants to go back to such unhealty relationships, even after all the drama and the shocks endured, it is a common suggestion given from users of this forum to investigate issues we had within our family of origin, because those are usually the reasons which keep to pull us back towards our "peculiar" exes