There are some really good books on the inner child which might be worth having a look at. My wife has the same problem. In fact, at times it appears she has multiple personalities which are stuck at various stages of childhood. This is usually when she dissociates.
At those times I try to communicate to her as if she is a child.
Interesting that you say you are probably asbergers as I'm on the waiting list currently to be assessed for asbergers.
That's a really good idea, wundress. It's eerie how he does resemble a child sometimes when he dysregulates. I will remember to talk to him with his inner child in mind when he starts going into one of those states. Lately I've learned to catch it before it becomes a full blown dysregulation.
I realize now that being so logical, I could not relate at all to people being out of control emotionally. I thought they should just "snap out of it" which is ironic since I grew up with a BPD mother and realized that she was incapable of doing exactly that. With someone like my husband who is ordinarily so rational--I just couldn't understand why he couldn't just be reasonable--until I learned more about BPD. I had learned a bit about it in grad school, but back then, it was seen as a disorder that was defined by a more extreme presentation. My husband is pretty functional--mostly--at least to the outside world.
I would bet that Aspergers types and BPDs frequently get together. The Aspy might overlook some of the initial signs of BPD and the BPD could feel safe dealing with someone who is more logical and less emotional. The problem starts when the Aspy wants the BPD to drop the crazy emotional stuff and vice versa. My husband has gotten mad at me because I wasn't as upset about something as he thought I should be.
