question twisted into accusation

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Oh, how I wish I could leave now... .It's so over, but I'm stuck here in this house with exBPDw until her adoption process is finalized.

On two separate occasions recently, I asked very calmly and straightforwardly for some information on the adoption file, because I am in a hurry to get it over with but it's in her hands. I know to tread carefully around the subject, and I was very objective in my approach, each time asking one simple question that I would never have thought could be twisted so much: "Good, we received this latest document; can we send in a complete file now?" and ":)id you call ______ about ______?"

Both times she went ballistic and somehow managed to turn this into me accusing her of never telling me anything about the process (her guilt always has to come from me). She tells me loudly and wildly that it's about time I take responsibility for the consequences of what I say. What I say can be completely anodyne, but it's never careful enough. She charges it with evil intention. I MAKE her feel guilty, force her to, like I was a captor or torturer.

She also accuses me of consciously putting enormous pressure on her because I think she's so lazy and careless that she's not moving the process along... .There is little to no pressure in my tone of voice when I ask things, because I am very careful. I do feel the urgency, but it's also urgent to me to keep the level of conflict as low as possible, so I make the effort to be gentle. And in her head, at the same time as I'm this enemy that has all these maleficent thoughts about her, I'm also not involved enough in the adoption process and she doesn't feel that I care about it. So I'm damned if I inquire about it and try to keep it moving, and I'm damned if I stay out of the way. Push. Pull. Push.

By damned I mean I am cornered and raged at. This is both pushing and pulling at once. I am completely unable to describe how she went (and goes so often) from person asking simple question to evil witch with the worst kind of intentions. This happens so fast and so illogically... .About a hundred times in one minute I say (or at least think) what? What did you say? What does that mean? Too fast, slow down... .how did that sentence lead to this one? How did you possibly interpret this in that way? WHAT? If the questions are voiced, somehow she gives answers without even skipping a beat, but they make no more sense (and are no less hateful) that the original conversation she was having. It's exactly like if she were taking a nice piece of cloth and wringing it out, making it into something shapeless and colourless, lifeless and unrecognizeable. Twisted.

[emergent]

Oh, how I wish I could leave now... .It's so over, but I'm stuck here in this house with exBPDw until her adoption process is finalized.

On two separate occasions recently, I asked very calmly and straightforwardly for some information on the adoption file, because I am in a hurry to get it over with but it's in her hands. I know to tread carefully around the subject, and I was very objective in my approach, each time asking one simple question that I would never have thought could be twisted so much: "Good, we received this latest document; can we send in a complete file now?" and ":)id you call ______ about ______?"

Both times she went ballistic and somehow managed to turn this into me accusing her of never telling me anything about the process (her guilt always has to come from me). She tells me loudly and wildly that it's about time I take responsibility for the consequences of what I say. What I say can be completely anodyne, but it's never careful enough. She charges it with evil intention. I MAKE her feel guilty, force her to, like I was a captor or torturer.

She also accuses me of consciously putting enormous pressure on her because I think she's so lazy and careless that she's not moving the process along... .There is little to no pressure in my tone of voice when I ask things, because I am very careful. I do feel the urgency, but it's also urgent to me to keep the level of conflict as low as possible, so I make the effort to be gentle. And in her head, at the same time as I'm this enemy that has all these maleficent thoughts about her, I'm also not involved enough in the adoption process and she doesn't feel that I care about it. So I'm damned if I inquire about it and try to keep it moving, and I'm damned if I stay out of the way. Push. Pull. Push.

By damned I mean I am cornered and raged at. This is both pushing and pulling at once. I am completely unable to describe how she went (and goes so often) from person asking simple question to evil witch with the worst kind of intentions. This happens so fast and so illogically... .About a hundred times in one minute I say (or at least think) what? What did you say? What does that mean? Too fast, slow down... .how did that sentence lead to this one? How did you possibly interpret this in that way? WHAT? If the questions are voiced, somehow she gives answers without even skipping a beat, but they make no more sense (and are no less hateful) that the original conversation she was having. It's exactly like if she were taking a nice piece of cloth and wringing it out, making it into something shapeless and colourless, lifeless and unrecognizeable. Twisted.

[Mutt]

By damned I mean I am cornered and raged at.

Hi emergent,

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I remember borderline rages. Can you leave the situation as a boundary for self protection when she rages?