When did You discover about BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello dear family,

I'm a new member here and some of you have already helped me with all your posts and thoughts sharing.

Today a question raised into my mind. When did you discover about BPD?

From some comments and posts I realized that a lot of us only found it after the break up. Was my case. Even if during my r/s I tried to understand what I thought was wrong - most of all the distance and coldness after some happy periods - the mood swing - the anger beyond little things. Even if my ex gf is undiagnosed and not harming herself I'm sure she suffers from BPD

If possible could you share your experiences?

Regards

Sam

[samynet]

Hello dear family,

I'm a new member here and some of you have already helped me with all your posts and thoughts sharing.

Today a question raised into my mind. When did you discover about BPD?

From some comments and posts I realized that a lot of us only found it after the break up. Was my case. Even if during my r/s I tried to understand what I thought was wrong - most of all the distance and coldness after some happy periods - the mood swing - the anger beyond little things. Even if my ex gf is undiagnosed and not harming herself I'm sure she suffers from BPD

If possible could you share your experiences?

Regards

Sam

[enlighten me]

Hi Sam

Mine was after I had split up with my exgf. I too was trying to work out what had happened and why this incredible woman had turned into an angry abuser.

Funny thing though is once I had learnt about BPD I realised that it fitted my ex wife. My ex wife was the quiet waif type so at first I never saw the similarities as my exgf was very confident and seemed the total opposite to her.

[MakingMyWay]

I found out about 3 months after she dumped me that she probably has BPD. I was totally confused about how she could leave me and be with a new guy with almost no remorse. I was visiting other websites and that were for regular breakups. No matter how hard I looked, nothing ever applied to my situation. Then I saw one post and the story matched mine almost exactly. All the comments said "Sounds like BPD to me" and the rest is history. It was relieving but also very scary in a way.

[Didntdeservethat]

Hello sam

I too had no idea about BPD till after the breakup, we had seen 2 phyciatrists and 3 phycologists my ex not agreeing with any of their prognosis each different may i say. Rather than trigger her any further than id already done i tried a different approach. I now see that this is what triggered the final stage and the ongoing rages. My reason for seeking assitance was because she confessed to being bp and was clearly depressed but her mood were ocillating from sadness to elation to anger and nothing i did helped.

It wasnt until after she left that i discovered from these same T that she had scitzophenia as well as the bp (she never told me that). One of the phycologists actually changed his prognosis from what he felt was purely codependency to BPD with naurcecistic tendencies.

To be honest im not sure but with the help of this forum i can definitly say she demonstrates most of the behavious of a BPD at the extreme end of the spectrum

[Michelle27]

About 6 years ago, I was researching the behaviors I was seeing with my husband (inappropriate anger, sometimes depression) and I realized that anger can be a sign of depression so at first I thought that's what the issue was.  It made sense as we had been through a year long custody battle with his ex after his son from that marriage disclosed sexual abuse in his Mom's home.  Taking him to the hospital and having him rage on the way home and I called 911 which resulted in the police taking him back to the hospital and a subsequent diagnosis of depression seemed to fit.  But he was inconsistent with his new meds and didn't pursue the recommended therapy.  And the rages continued so I kept looking for answers and about 5 years ago I discovered that existence of BPD and WOW, it fit.  He fit 8 of the 9 criteria.  I pushed for him to get help while he pushed me away, and now admits to a year long affair with my friend during this period.  For years, I made excuses for his behaviors to my kids and others, carried around clothing in my car for when I had to flee during a rage, and pushed for him to get help while researching everything I could and changing my own responses.  Nothing worked and I started detaching a couple years ago, separated last March for 3 months as a therapeutic separation and then 6 months ago, ended it because nothing was getting better. 

Knowing what I was dealing with helped somewhat but I regret the long years of pushing for him to get help and immersing myself in HIS issues rather than working on healing me.

[gameover]

When my BPD exgf flipped out because she was 100% certain I was sleeping with her mom--about halfway through our 2 year relationship.  I ran a google search for something to the effect of 'GF always thinks I'm cheating on her/about to leave her.'  Found BPD, read a bunch of horror stories, almost broke up with her; but I figured I'd stick around to see how it ended.

Well, we recommenced on a new idealization phase a couple weeks later that lasted another year; in the process I was busy with school and work, totally forgot about BPD and then remembered it when things got really weird at the end--I have no idea how our break up would've turned out or how it might've affected me if I didn't know or understand what I was dealing with.

[Confused108]

Hi Sam,

I never knew what I was dealing with regarding my ex. We were childhood sweethearts that seemed to really love each other  until my Mom broke us up and my ex turned into a monster . Then when I tried to get her back months later he did push/pull on me. I love u /I don't. I Wanna b with you/ Get outta my life. 28 years later my ex finds me on Facebook and does this whole thing all over again. I still love you/ I don't. Etc etc. she had told me she was diagnosed as Bipolar at 14 but the way she acted never added up to that disorder. She woul just "end" things like nothing. No remorse no sadness. No feelings at all. After having such a great night before. So after she dumped me in the beginning of Sept I reasherched and found BPD. She fit this to a T. Amazing after all these years. I tried telling her but of course I'm painted "black" and said that she is now going back to her ex husband whom she just divorced this year and if I send her anymore emails or messages about trying to "help" her her ex husband will get a NO Contact restraint order against me. So if she is back with him let him deal with her BS.

[hopealways]

I discovered it after she tried breaking up with me for no apparent reason.  Then in my depression I was watching the movie Casino and Sharon Stone's character reminded me of my ex so I looked up her character and found that she was portrayed as someone with BPD. The rest is history.

[Svarl1]

I put my browser in 'incognito' mode and Googled the question

"What kind of partner keeps looking through your phone?"

The description of BPD hit me like a revelation.

In the past of this relationship I almost lost my mind with dread and confusion.  How I WISH that I had known about the condition before.

I had previously heard the term 'personality disorder' but didn't know what it meant.

If even a tiny bit was tought to young people,  for example how to recognise the more common PD symptoms (or even that PDs exist), that would save many people a lot of pain. Even if it didn't stop abuse itself, it may help prevent some of the responsibility and confusion felt by those on the receiving end.

More needs to be done to raise awareness.

[Should I stay or...]

Hi Sam,

I found out differently... .

It was during our relationship... .when I asked her to attend couples counseling with me. It was the first time in her life that she sat in front of any type of therapist.  I guess the stress of that event brought out the worst in her, she dissociated during the session. It was the first time I heard her speak the words, " I think in black and white." Didn't know the full meaning of those words at that time!

Afterwards, the counselor gave us the name "Marsha Linehan" and asked us to look her up online. He also, kindly directed us to take an online test for BPD... .

We went home and we sat in front of the pc and took the test together, 8 of the nine criteria she had answered with a strong yes... .WOW! What an epiphany!

I have more if you's like to know... .

[Jazzy]

I found out about BPD about two months after I had ben dumped and replaced by my bf.I was totally unable to understand how a person could overnight  change the way he did and feel no shame, guilt or remorse for the way he cheated on me , betrayed me and then bashed me up verbally and emotionally at every available opportunity.I also could not understand why he wanted to remain friends with me even though he suddenly wanted to destroy me completely  after 6 years of  what I thought was a fantastic relationship.While trying to find answers on the net,I came across others whose  stories could have been my story. I became aware of the red flags that had existed but  I had ignored because I was so much in love with him .The more I read the more I was was completely convinced he had BPD