This situation just got weirder than I thought it was.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

This is going to sound weird and insane, but I have to write it anyway.

My parents let a lot of really horrifying people abuse me when I was a child. These people went pretty far beyond the "wants to be good but ends up hurting people unintentionally due to illness" category and into the organized criminal category. Several of the abusers my parents exposed me to grew obsessed with me. One in particular decided to catfish me by creating a fake love interest for me on the internet and using that person to trick me into letting her back into my life.

So B (the main abuser) found this young woman with BPD and convinced that person to pretend to date me online. During the first portion of the relationship, B was the one writing messages. I have a pretty strong internal BPD detector, and she didn't set it off. She didn't complain about other people and spoke in a very relaxed, assured, mature manner. She didn't need saving or seem "waif-like" at all. Her emotions were very consistent and even, and she seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear and exactly what kind of trauma I had been through (which turned out to be because she put me through it). I thought she was seeing into my soul.

Well... .B apparently didn't want to spend loads of time on this relationship, so she hired this girl with BPD to write messages to me whenever B wasn't available. It was so strange how some days I'd get this very eloquent person and on other days I'd get someone who was capable of putting on the flattery and doing the "honeymoon phase" stuff, but set off every BPD red flag in the book by using very shallow, superficial "romantic comedy" lines on me and fluctuating between that and just "I hate everything, and I hate you, and I hate me, and eff everything" Kind of language.

It confused me because even that person's "good" days looked like classic BPD, yet sometimes I'd end up talking to someone who had a much more advanced vocabulary, a much more educated demeanor, and a much more mature way of speaking than the pwBPD. I'd go from hearing her say stuff like "gay ___" and "r*tard" and "kiss my ass" a lot (and mostly responding to whatever I said with one-word answers or "that sucks" or "that's gay" or "WOW you're so right" to using college-level vocabulary and coming up with complex theories about religious studies and history that you would've needed a lot more education than the pwBPD had to be able to understand.

I was kind of dating two people. I don't mean Jekyll and Hyde. I mean that a portion of my relationship was secretly with an actually separate human being from the person I thought was my girlfriend. Eventually, the pwBPD moved in with me, and I'd ask her about those complex religious studies theories and such, and she'd have little to no understanding of any of the stuff she used to say. I was so confused because I studied BPD extensively prior to this relationship in order to understand my mother better, and she only seemed to have it about 75% of the time.

In addition to being a fake relationship because my ex didn't love me/was disordered, this was a fake relationship because the person I was dating was a literal invention. A character, if you will, that both of them played.

To account for B's really intellectual stuff, the character claimed to have at least gone through *some* college and had a lot of stories about being educated/reading the Bible in other languages besides English/etc. One day, the pwBPD who lived with me had this breakdown where she started screaming and sobbing about how she was a high school drop-out and she didn't know anything about all the intelligent-sounding stuff I kept expecting her to know about. When I asked her how she was able to produce all that information before if she had no education whatsoever, she'd just start insulting and attacking me to change the subject.

B basically coached the pwBPD about what to say. It's obvious in hindsight because the pwBPD would say something like "I think there were a lot of complicated dynamics in your family growing up, and those are affecting you today."

I'd say "That's an interesting theory. Tell me more about it."

She'd panic and go "I CAN'T EFFING EXPLAIN IT, GEEZ!" Then, she'd try to tell me I was an abuser for expecting her to explain things.

Both of them spent most of the relationship trying to make me agree to do things that I didn't want to do. For a while, they were pushing Christianity on me and then telling me that I "saw the shelter as the storm" and threatening to leave me or further abuse me if I didn't accept God because it would "just be too painful" to watch me "deny myself help and comfort." Midway through, they started triggering me or upsetting me right before meals so that it was hard for me to eat and then accusing me of having anorexia. They pushed me to see a therapist for it who didn't agree with their assessment at all. Later on in the relationship, they tried to pressure me into running away in the middle of the night without telling anyone where I was going. I think this was a kidnapping attempt on B's part because she used to talk about wanting to "own" me.

Apparently the pwBPD has "worked" for other abusers before. Shortly before meeting me, she tricked a woman into basically letting her mother back into her life using really similar tactics. The extent some people go to in order to take control of others is insane.

I don't even know B's real name or anything, just that she was a horrible part of my childhood.

I don't necessarily need advice... .I just needed to share that I finally figured out why, even with what I learned about BPD from my research and from this site, nothing was adding up at all.

[losingconfidence]

This is going to sound weird and insane, but I have to write it anyway.

My parents let a lot of really horrifying people abuse me when I was a child. These people went pretty far beyond the "wants to be good but ends up hurting people unintentionally due to illness" category and into the organized criminal category. Several of the abusers my parents exposed me to grew obsessed with me. One in particular decided to catfish me by creating a fake love interest for me on the internet and using that person to trick me into letting her back into my life.

So B (the main abuser) found this young woman with BPD and convinced that person to pretend to date me online. During the first portion of the relationship, B was the one writing messages. I have a pretty strong internal BPD detector, and she didn't set it off. She didn't complain about other people and spoke in a very relaxed, assured, mature manner. She didn't need saving or seem "waif-like" at all. Her emotions were very consistent and even, and she seemed to know exactly what I needed to hear and exactly what kind of trauma I had been through (which turned out to be because she put me through it). I thought she was seeing into my soul.

Well... .B apparently didn't want to spend loads of time on this relationship, so she hired this girl with BPD to write messages to me whenever B wasn't available. It was so strange how some days I'd get this very eloquent person and on other days I'd get someone who was capable of putting on the flattery and doing the "honeymoon phase" stuff, but set off every BPD red flag in the book by using very shallow, superficial "romantic comedy" lines on me and fluctuating between that and just "I hate everything, and I hate you, and I hate me, and eff everything" Kind of language.

It confused me because even that person's "good" days looked like classic BPD, yet sometimes I'd end up talking to someone who had a much more advanced vocabulary, a much more educated demeanor, and a much more mature way of speaking than the pwBPD. I'd go from hearing her say stuff like "gay ___" and "r*tard" and "kiss my ass" a lot (and mostly responding to whatever I said with one-word answers or "that sucks" or "that's gay" or "WOW you're so right" to using college-level vocabulary and coming up with complex theories about religious studies and history that you would've needed a lot more education than the pwBPD had to be able to understand.

I was kind of dating two people. I don't mean Jekyll and Hyde. I mean that a portion of my relationship was secretly with an actually separate human being from the person I thought was my girlfriend. Eventually, the pwBPD moved in with me, and I'd ask her about those complex religious studies theories and such, and she'd have little to no understanding of any of the stuff she used to say. I was so confused because I studied BPD extensively prior to this relationship in order to understand my mother better, and she only seemed to have it about 75% of the time.

In addition to being a fake relationship because my ex didn't love me/was disordered, this was a fake relationship because the person I was dating was a literal invention. A character, if you will, that both of them played.

To account for B's really intellectual stuff, the character claimed to have at least gone through *some* college and had a lot of stories about being educated/reading the Bible in other languages besides English/etc. One day, the pwBPD who lived with me had this breakdown where she started screaming and sobbing about how she was a high school drop-out and she didn't know anything about all the intelligent-sounding stuff I kept expecting her to know about. When I asked her how she was able to produce all that information before if she had no education whatsoever, she'd just start insulting and attacking me to change the subject.

B basically coached the pwBPD about what to say. It's obvious in hindsight because the pwBPD would say something like "I think there were a lot of complicated dynamics in your family growing up, and those are affecting you today."

I'd say "That's an interesting theory. Tell me more about it."

She'd panic and go "I CAN'T EFFING EXPLAIN IT, GEEZ!" Then, she'd try to tell me I was an abuser for expecting her to explain things.

Both of them spent most of the relationship trying to make me agree to do things that I didn't want to do. For a while, they were pushing Christianity on me and then telling me that I "saw the shelter as the storm" and threatening to leave me or further abuse me if I didn't accept God because it would "just be too painful" to watch me "deny myself help and comfort." Midway through, they started triggering me or upsetting me right before meals so that it was hard for me to eat and then accusing me of having anorexia. They pushed me to see a therapist for it who didn't agree with their assessment at all. Later on in the relationship, they tried to pressure me into running away in the middle of the night without telling anyone where I was going. I think this was a kidnapping attempt on B's part because she used to talk about wanting to "own" me.

Apparently the pwBPD has "worked" for other abusers before. Shortly before meeting me, she tricked a woman into basically letting her mother back into her life using really similar tactics. The extent some people go to in order to take control of others is insane.

I don't even know B's real name or anything, just that she was a horrible part of my childhood.

I don't necessarily need advice... .I just needed to share that I finally figured out why, even with what I learned about BPD from my research and from this site, nothing was adding up at all.