BPD daughter just has to calm down

[Parents! Get help here!]

For the past several years, we have had a kids New Year's Eve party. Each of our four children could invite several friends. We made tons of food, played agame every hour and had a huge sleepover. With all of the drama from our BPD daughter (and her poor choice of friends as of late) we decided not to do the party this year. To our surprise, we actually got invited somewhere. Our kids were included in the invite too. We went and had so much fun. We had great conversation and food and just felt very welcomed. BPD daughter, however, sat and texted the whole time. Before we went, I asked her not to do that, and quietly asked her to stop while we were there. We've tried to teach all of our kids that this is rude behavior. Other teen girls tried repeatedly to engage her and she gave them the shortest answer possible and no eye contact. She continually told us how tired she was and asked to leave. When we got home (around 1:30) she went to her bedroom and was sobbing in her bed. She said that she just needed to "calm down." She said that she had a horrible time.

Just for a second, I would like her to see herself for how truly selfish that she is. Just wondering if anyone had a similarly frustrating end to 2015?

[Hopeful_Mom]

For the past several years, we have had a kids New Year's Eve party. Each of our four children could invite several friends. We made tons of food, played agame every hour and had a huge sleepover. With all of the drama from our BPD daughter (and her poor choice of friends as of late) we decided not to do the party this year. To our surprise, we actually got invited somewhere. Our kids were included in the invite too. We went and had so much fun. We had great conversation and food and just felt very welcomed. BPD daughter, however, sat and texted the whole time. Before we went, I asked her not to do that, and quietly asked her to stop while we were there. We've tried to teach all of our kids that this is rude behavior. Other teen girls tried repeatedly to engage her and she gave them the shortest answer possible and no eye contact. She continually told us how tired she was and asked to leave. When we got home (around 1:30) she went to her bedroom and was sobbing in her bed. She said that she just needed to "calm down." She said that she had a horrible time.

Just for a second, I would like her to see herself for how truly selfish that she is. Just wondering if anyone had a similarly frustrating end to 2015?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SoSoSoTired]

She won't realize that she is selfish. BPDs want to see themselves as VICTIMS. (Woe is me. Boohoo.)

It's okay to not drag BPD daughter to such outings.  Avoid suffering from the tension her BPD behavior causes by leaving her at home.  Your other children's emotional needs and your needs are important. 

[lbjnltx]

Hi Hopeful Mom,

Sorry that your d wasn't engaging with the other guests at the party.  It truly is her loss and her problem to work through.  It's important for our own sanity to let our kids own their own stuff and try our best to not allow their attitudes and choices about relatively small things to bring us down. 

My own d used to behave similarly when she went places with us that she wasn't happy about going.  The less I let it affect me the better time I had.  When there was no negative attention coming from Dad or I the less invested in being aloof she became.

Happy New Year!

lbj