NC is soo darn painful, but I still think it's worth it

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Gosh, 5+ months NC without so much as a peep from her.  What I miss the most is those super high highs I had during the good times with her.  But when I think of the coldness, distancing, horrific push/pull and of course the rage I think it's still worth it.  I have made no efforts to contact her.  Holidays are hard, although we never really spent one together as I believe it triggered her and she felt engulfed by it all and would leave me.

My best female friend is a diagnosed extreme BPD who is herself going through a breakup with her ex boyfriend.  I have a first row seat observing how her mental process works and it's EXACTLY like allll the thousands of posts on this forum.  So sad. It has made me want to stick to NC.

[hopealways]

Gosh, 5+ months NC without so much as a peep from her.  What I miss the most is those super high highs I had during the good times with her.  But when I think of the coldness, distancing, horrific push/pull and of course the rage I think it's still worth it.  I have made no efforts to contact her.  Holidays are hard, although we never really spent one together as I believe it triggered her and she felt engulfed by it all and would leave me.

My best female friend is a diagnosed extreme BPD who is herself going through a breakup with her ex boyfriend.  I have a first row seat observing how her mental process works and it's EXACTLY like allll the thousands of posts on this forum.  So sad. It has made me want to stick to NC.

[VitaminC]

Thank you for sharing that.

It's hard work to keep the bad things at the forefront of the mind. Hard because who wants to remember bad stuff anyway? But there's  a lot to be gained from re-experiencing small hurts that keep us from going back to re-experience, inevitably, much bigger ones.

I think you're lucky, if that's the right word, to have your front row seat. Information helps us.

Wishing you peace of mind this holiday season

[wakingfirst]

I get it.  About six wks. NC for me, and I miss the highs too - every so often hear a song that brings him to mind, want to tell him, see his smile... .but I can't start that ride all over again.  Just can't.

Your post gives me hope.  Thank you.  I hope you have a peaceful and contented holiday.

[balletomane]

I am almost seven months no contact, and while it has been very hard, it's definitely worth it. But from my experience, going no contact is only one part of the battle. It's not enough to remove your ex's harmful words and behaviour from your life. You have to put other things into your life, good things, helpful things.

The past two Christmases were extremely hard for me because of his behaviour. This one is difficult, but it's already better than the others. I am writing a 'Christmas wish list' of things I want for next Christmas, all things I have the power to get for myself - more assertiveness, greater self-confidence, renewed contacts with old friends, an article published from my PhD, etc. - and I am sure that by helping myself to grow in confidence and courage, next year's Christmas will be better still. One thing is clear: I only have the ability to focus on these things because his erratic and often vicious behaviour is no longer occupying my mind. Good luck to everyone.

[Welgrow]

Hey... .I haven't responded to my ex in 11 days, but I hadn't worked up the strength to block her number and emails. I was still reading her texts/emails and listened to her voicemails. She went through a full cycle. She left me alone for 3 days then tried to get her brother to ask me for a favor for her. Then she wrote me an email to share something about how hard her new position has been. The next day she started reaming me for having no emotion and for being able to just detach (I was crying and screaming for days). My loneliness has been overwhelming, so the hard part was when she cycled back to telling me that she loved me and missed me and would do anything to make it right. She told me that she would treat me like a king. She left messages with crying and mumblings about missing me. I finally worked up the nerve to block her number/email yesterday. It still hurts so bad. My friend suggested that I try to commit to just blocking it for 3 days so I don't torture myself by reading her stuff over Christmas. Here I am on Christmas Eve stilling baffled and in pain. Still shocked by her behavior and left holding these conflicting emotions and thoughts. I feel like that song "Waiting on the rain" by J Boog. Thanks for being here folks. I have to move on at some point but right now it's just hurt.

[NCEA]

I have an app called Since that shows how many days since a certain date. I'm on 73. I know that if I'd contact her it would go back to zero. So every day makes me stronger. I'm just shocked from how hard this was I didn't imagine that almost 3 months after I'll spend all this time on forums etc. I hardly remember her face , last time we saw each other was August.

[hopealways]

Good for you all for maintaining NC.  It is painful for all, but there are no happy endings when we break NC, we just go back to zero like you said. I will download that app.