She texts back and is friendly ... what does it mean?

[MapleBob]

I'm feeling overwhelmed at the moment. I'm thinking about her 100 percent of my day. We had some laughs at work today and now all I want to do is text her this short message:

I miss you.


Somebody talk me out of doing that! Thank you in advance.

Definitely don't text her "I miss you". If you're going to text her, you really really have to have a non-"needy" (hate that word, but it applies) reason. You want her to say it back, but the likelihood of that happening is close to zero.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Anez]

Thanks, maple. I just can't get her out of my head and I'm glad I came here instead of texting her.

I'm on a road trip now for a few days with some good buddies and I'm gonna hold out to see if she texts me, which I know she won't.

This place is the only place that gets me and this situation and I appreciate the heck out of it. My friends are good friends but they just don't get how this feels, which is lucky for them.

[MapleBob]

Thanks, maple. I just can't get her out of my head and I'm glad I came here instead of texting her.

I'm on a road trip now for a few days with some good buddies and I'm gonna hold out to see if she texts me, which I know she won't.

This place is the only place that gets me and this situation and I appreciate the heck out of it. My friends are good friends but they just don't get how this feels, which is lucky for them.

Yeah, pretty easy to feel alone with this stuff - and it's kind of "lame" after a while for your friends. Go have a good time! That's the best distraction.

[kc sunshine]

Hi gang,

We are totally in the same boat! So excruciating.

I suppose I should be relieved because right up to the night of her replacing me she was fighting me hard-- so angry with me. Upon finding my replacement she was OVER it. Wow. About face. Who would have thought there would be something worse that being the object of her ire? This is it.

Anyway, I like that we are all staying chill even if we are feeling far from it. Do you think "fake it to you make it" might work in terms of our detachment as well? That would be good.

[MapleBob]

Anyway, I like that we are all staying chill even if we are feeling far from it. Do you think "fake it to you make it" might work in terms of our detachment as well? That would be good.

Oh absolutely! I'm counting on it, and I've been there before.

[Anez]

Did it work before?

[MapleBob]

Did it work before?

Sure, I got over her. I had known her for a decade, and we dated for like eight years. Eventually you burn out on the drama and you burn out on missing them. She tried to start things up with me a year after I had completely given up and gotten over her and done a lot of therapy to get right with myself. I turned her down. So yeah, it won't hurt forever either way, I promise you. Life goes on.

[Anez]

Haven't texted her since last week and she hasn't texted me but that's not a surprise as she hasn't initiated contact in months.

Had a good road trip with some buddies the past few days and it was a great distraction. It was nice to not think of her very much over the past few days.

I'm still amazed that she has just moved on and has cut me out of her life in such a short time but there's nothing I can do about that.

Life goes on.

[Euler2718]

"Part of me wants to go on some dates with some other women to see if it gets the taste out of my mouth and helps me move on. I've been chatting with a few on some dating apps and will probably do that soon.

At some point we have to stop living life on hold and just go out there and live it. "


... .the best revenge -- a normal life! I'm considering trying this.

[Anez]

Went on a date last night and it was fun laughing with some that doesn't seem to suffer from BPD.

Date number 2 will be soon.

[Anez]

Tho here I am on a Sunday night wondering if my ex will text me knowing darn well there's no chance of that happening. How lame.

[Anez]

Just saw her at work for the first time since last wednesday. i didn't reach out to her over the holiday break. last time i sent a text was last monday.

she asked how my new years was and i said it was awesome, which it was. she said hers was crazy, too (she was joking about it being crazy) - she watched a dr. suess movie with her daughter. and we laughed about how i didn't know the movie.

So our last contacts in person and text have been light and nice. But i've been waiting for her to text me and i don't feel like it's gonna happen.

should i text her tonight something light and fun or just let time do it's thing?

[TheLesson]

I have been experiencing the same thing with my BPD friend.  She no longer initiates contact, however and happy and friendly if I contact her.  Why do they do this?  There used to be constant contact now nothing

[Fr4nz]

Hey Lesson,

probably she found new sources for validation/attention; if this is the case, that's why she's not initiating contact... .

[TheLesson]

Hey Lesson,

probably she found new sources for validation/attention; if this is the case, that's why she's not initiating contact... .

Thanks Fr4nz.  That adds up cause she has a new group of friends now.

[Fr4nz]

Maple:

Yup, we are in the same exact spot. It's funny how often that can happen with people dealing with pwBPD. I check my phone A LOT ... .especially at night because that's when we used to text a lot. And of course there's never a text from her. It hurts but I'm getting used to it and getting closer to just accepting it. It is what it is.

Part of me wants to go on some dates with some other women to see if it gets the taste out of my mouth and helps me move on. I've been chatting with a few on some dating apps and will probably do that soon.

At some point we have to stop living life on hold and just go out there and live it.

Exactly; and I encourage you to keep doing that.

Also, other people cannot pretend that we read their minds... .this would be, apart from impossible, extremely selfish.

Anyway, most probably she's not texting you because she's getting attentions from other people. She may come back if she wants your attentions, but it would not be sane for you to hold on that... .

EDIT: ops, I just noticed I answered to a very old post. Sorry guys!

[sebastian.l]

I didn't read all the replies here but a bunch full. I can identify myself with the feelings you still may have for her - I do as well. Probably, because I wish the initial honeymoon phase back. Or the times I was not asked for constant healing, caring and treating her abandonment pain. Despite the fact, you know there will not be coming anything back from her because she might get her attention filled by new friends or a new 'honeymoon', you seem to put yourself into a waiting loop. Why? why do we/you hold on to a relationship that will not give back equal shares you invested before?