I'm starting to wonder if my ex had more than depression

[jujux15]

I began dating this girl I met on tinder a year and a half ago. We both hit it off and had so many similarities it was crazy. We exchanged numbers at which point she told me that she had depression. Never having been in a relationship with someone depressed I thought i could handle it. In the beginning things were pretty great, outside of the fact that we lived an hour apart we saw each other 1-3 times a week she made me happy and I soon thought this girl would be someone I would marry she'd even talk about future kids with me and it made me extremely happat I did notice that she was starting to slowly text me less and less, i found myself going back to older messages y because she started to show me her depressed side and I felt like the girl I once knew was gone, everything that came out of her mouth was negative, it was so bad her family would have to ask her if anything good happened today just for her to try to think positively.

Then about 6 months in is when we started to have our first issues. I stayed over at her house and slept over in her room and noticed a picture of her and her ex there. I was furious and nearly walked out but stayed anyways, i found out that she was pregnant at one point during there two year relationship and its why she cant get over him. I stayed and helped her get over her ex. Things were still ok after this, however she was very selfish. Whatever she wanted I did for her .I praised her because nobody in her family did and she wanted it, I called her pretty everyday because nobody else did, i told her I loved her daily but none of my needs were ever met. Fast forward to when she transferred to college and thats when our relationship truly fell apart. She started going out more made more friends because she had always been awful at making girl friends but could make guy friends (she dropped all her guy friends once we started dating) and she began talking and acting different.

We began seeing each other less and less shes horrible with stress due to her depression but being on a quarter system made her extremely stressed. We saw each other 2-3 weeks at a time. Then came my birthday and... .welll... .she forgot. She thought my birthday was the day we were celebrating it which was the 7th instead of the 6th her excuse was that if my birthday was on the actual day she'd remember and that she was busy with quizzes and tests. No text no nothing and again I was furious we had already spent a birthday together before. I called her on her birthday made it extremely special and she forgot mine which mind you, is only a week or two later. It caused a huge argument in which she said, sobbing, I always get mad over everything and that I'm never happy she felt that we werent right anymore because we were changing and because of the distance. She was scared that i'd hate her eventually and told me that i deserve better, she said that once she gets over her depression she could support me like I do her but until then she was just using me as a crutch. So she broke up with me over text, on my birthday. i couldnt handle it and i texted her so we got back together but I was bitter and she was growing more and more distant. Before I knew it she only texted me when she needed someone to vent to or complain too. We talked about it again and she said I feel like more of a friend now than a bf cuz she doesnt see me often when just a few days ago she told me she loved me, I decided to end it.

Now after reading these forums I caught so many things I let go such as the fact that she always wanted a college experience, friends to go out with etc. I just assumed that wasnt her thing but found out later that it was only because she couldnt make friends. Is there anything else I missed? I'm still emotionally invested so while in a clear state of mind I told everybody I know not to let me go back to her unless at the very least shes no longer depressed or harbors negativity towards the world. Regardless I havent contacted her and im trying my best to stay away. I'll be glad to give any more details I need to if asked but now i'm starting to wonder if all my ex had was just severe depression. Putting me on a pedastal in the beginning saying how amazing I am, how awesome I am in bed yet whenever we were apart she'd hardly text or call I'd have to initiate or bug the hell out of her, even if we hadnt seen each other in weeks, and often times she'd call me or text me at any time of the day if I needed something yet if i did the same and she was "busy" I'd sometimes have to wait 10 hours for a response, this was not how she was when we first met and had me scratching my head. I'd really like to get some clarity on the issue if I can please from the more experienced people on this board, thank you.

[MakingMyWay]

I began dating this girl I met on tinder a year and a half ago. We both hit it off and had so many similarities it was crazy. We exchanged numbers at which point she told me that she had depression. Never having been in a relationship with someone depressed I thought i could handle it. In the beginning things were pretty great, outside of the fact that we lived an hour apart we saw each other 1-3 times a week she made me happy and I soon thought this girl would be someone I would marry she'd even talk about future kids with me and it made me extremely happat I did notice that she was starting to slowly text me less and less, i found myself going back to older messages y because she started to show me her depressed side and I felt like the girl I once knew was gone, everything that came out of her mouth was negative, it was so bad her family would have to ask her if anything good happened today just for her to try to think positively.

Then about 6 months in is when we started to have our first issues. I stayed over at her house and slept over in her room and noticed a picture of her and her ex there. I was furious and nearly walked out but stayed anyways, i found out that she was pregnant at one point during there two year relationship and its why she cant get over him. I stayed and helped her get over her ex. Things were still ok after this, however she was very selfish. Whatever she wanted I did for her .I praised her because nobody in her family did and she wanted it, I called her pretty everyday because nobody else did, i told her I loved her daily but none of my needs were ever met. Fast forward to when she transferred to college and thats when our relationship truly fell apart. She started going out more made more friends because she had always been awful at making girl friends but could make guy friends (she dropped all her guy friends once we started dating) and she began talking and acting different.

We began seeing each other less and less shes horrible with stress due to her depression but being on a quarter system made her extremely stressed. We saw each other 2-3 weeks at a time. Then came my birthday and... .welll... .she forgot. She thought my birthday was the day we were celebrating it which was the 7th instead of the 6th her excuse was that if my birthday was on the actual day she'd remember and that she was busy with quizzes and tests. No text no nothing and again I was furious we had already spent a birthday together before. I called her on her birthday made it extremely special and she forgot mine which mind you, is only a week or two later. It caused a huge argument in which she said, sobbing, I always get mad over everything and that I'm never happy she felt that we werent right anymore because we were changing and because of the distance. She was scared that i'd hate her eventually and told me that i deserve better, she said that once she gets over her depression she could support me like I do her but until then she was just using me as a crutch. So she broke up with me over text, on my birthday. i couldnt handle it and i texted her so we got back together but I was bitter and she was growing more and more distant. Before I knew it she only texted me when she needed someone to vent to or complain too. We talked about it again and she said I feel like more of a friend now than a bf cuz she doesnt see me often when just a few days ago she told me she loved me, I decided to end it.

Now after reading these forums I caught so many things I let go such as the fact that she always wanted a college experience, friends to go out with etc. I just assumed that wasnt her thing but found out later that it was only because she couldnt make friends. Is there anything else I missed? I'm still emotionally invested so while in a clear state of mind I told everybody I know not to let me go back to her unless at the very least shes no longer depressed or harbors negativity towards the world. Regardless I havent contacted her and im trying my best to stay away. I'll be glad to give any more details I need to if asked but now i'm starting to wonder if all my ex had was just severe depression. Putting me on a pedastal in the beginning saying how amazing I am, how awesome I am in bed yet whenever we were apart she'd hardly text or call I'd have to initiate or bug the hell out of her, even if we hadnt seen each other in weeks, and often times she'd call me or text me at any time of the day if I needed something yet if i did the same and she was "busy" I'd sometimes have to wait 10 hours for a response, this was not how she was when we first met and had me scratching my head. I'd really like to get some clarity on the issue if I can please from the more experienced people on this board, thank you.

It definitely sounds like there are some BPD traits in there but it is hard to say definitively without proper diagnosis. I am the same as you, my ex is undiagnosed, but after reading forums like this and several other websites, the pieces all fell into place. From what I understand BPD is co-morbid with other mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. My ex was chronically depressed and I blamed a lot of her behaviour on that and her terrible relationship with her mother. Just keep digging and do some more research, it should become clearer the more you learn about BPD.

[jujux15]

I began dating this girl I met on tinder a year and a half ago. We both hit it off and had so many similarities it was crazy. We exchanged numbers at which point she told me that she had depression. Never having been in a relationship with someone depressed I thought i could handle it. In the beginning things were pretty great, outside of the fact that we lived an hour apart we saw each other 1-3 times a week she made me happy and I soon thought this girl would be someone I would marry she'd even talk about future kids with me and it made me extremely happat I did notice that she was starting to slowly text me less and less, i found myself going back to older messages y because she started to show me her depressed side and I felt like the girl I once knew was gone, everything that came out of her mouth was negative, it was so bad her family would have to ask her if anything good happened today just for her to try to think positively.

Then about 6 months in is when we started to have our first issues. I stayed over at her house and slept over in her room and noticed a picture of her and her ex there. I was furious and nearly walked out but stayed anyways, i found out that she was pregnant at one point during there two year relationship and its why she cant get over him. I stayed and helped her get over her ex. Things were still ok after this, however she was very selfish. Whatever she wanted I did for her .I praised her because nobody in her family did and she wanted it, I called her pretty everyday because nobody else did, i told her I loved her daily but none of my needs were ever met. Fast forward to when she transferred to college and thats when our relationship truly fell apart. She started going out more made more friends because she had always been awful at making girl friends but could make guy friends (she dropped all her guy friends once we started dating) and she began talking and acting different.

We began seeing each other less and less shes horrible with stress due to her depression but being on a quarter system made her extremely stressed. We saw each other 2-3 weeks at a time. Then came my birthday and... .welll... .she forgot. She thought my birthday was the day we were celebrating it which was the 7th instead of the 6th her excuse was that if my birthday was on the actual day she'd remember and that she was busy with quizzes and tests. No text no nothing and again I was furious we had already spent a birthday together before. I called her on her birthday made it extremely special and she forgot mine which mind you, is only a week or two later. It caused a huge argument in which she said, sobbing, I always get mad over everything and that I'm never happy she felt that we werent right anymore because we were changing and because of the distance. She was scared that i'd hate her eventually and told me that i deserve better, she said that once she gets over her depression she could support me like I do her but until then she was just using me as a crutch. So she broke up with me over text, on my birthday. i couldnt handle it and i texted her so we got back together but I was bitter and she was growing more and more distant. Before I knew it she only texted me when she needed someone to vent to or complain too. We talked about it again and she said I feel like more of a friend now than a bf cuz she doesnt see me often when just a few days ago she told me she loved me, I decided to end it.

Now after reading these forums I caught so many things I let go such as the fact that she always wanted a college experience, friends to go out with etc. I just assumed that wasnt her thing but found out later that it was only because she couldnt make friends. Is there anything else I missed? I'm still emotionally invested so while in a clear state of mind I told everybody I know not to let me go back to her unless at the very least shes no longer depressed or harbors negativity towards the world. Regardless I havent contacted her and im trying my best to stay away. I'll be glad to give any more details I need to if asked but now i'm starting to wonder if all my ex had was just severe depression. Putting me on a pedastal in the beginning saying how amazing I am, how awesome I am in bed yet whenever we were apart she'd hardly text or call I'd have to initiate or bug the hell out of her, even if we hadnt seen each other in weeks, and often times she'd call me or text me at any time of the day if I needed something yet if i did the same and she was "busy" I'd sometimes have to wait 10 hours for a response, this was not how she was when we first met and had me scratching my head. I'd really like to get some clarity on the issue if I can please from the more experienced people on this board, thank you.

It definitely sounds like there are some BPD traits in there but it is hard to say definitively without proper diagnosis. I am the same as you, my ex is undiagnosed, but after reading forums like this and several other websites, the pieces all fell into place. From what I understand BPD is co-morbid with other mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. My ex was chronically depressed and I blamed a lot of her behaviour on that and her terrible relationship with her mother. Just keep digging and do some more research, it should become clearer the more you learn about BPD.

Yeah everything just started making sense. All the fights we had about the same things she'd never do what I wanted consistently and then next thing I knew I was controlling and should accept her, but... .for things you said you'd Do? She was never really violent towards me but had a history of violence with others she was very emotionally distant with me however, once the putting me on a pedestal telling me I'm amazing in bed how much I understand her etc phase ended. She became extremely distant. Taking hours to text me back or call me back and changing the subject to something like her. Doing weird things like motioning for me to pull her chair for her when around my mom when usually she wouldn't do that.

          Interestingly enough she often told me I'm too good for her and im morally better than her, she admitted to trying to get me to smoke and drink for this reason because I don't. She believed people are inherently evil, and selfish but I now realize that was her justifying her actions. My whole relationship with her was a bunch of question marks. Before we broke up she texted me like 5 days prior saying hey I know I've been busy sorry to neglect you I love you. Then days later I see you as a friend now you were an amazing boyfriend but unless you lived closer it wouldn't work. I just felt emotionally exhausted, I forced myself not to get her back even if I miss her dearly, somebody who essentially treated me just as badly as she said everyone else did. I mean I planned the dates cuz stress gave her panic attacks and planning was stress, I drove most of the time because she didn't like driving, and I paid for mostly everything because she only had an allowance. All I asked was to be treated how I wanted and eventually I was told my expectations were too high. Please like seriously, is it too much to ask your so to text you more, text you good morning or goodnight, and to let them know when they are busy? Sorry this turned into a rant haha

[MakingMyWay]

She was never really violent towards me but had a history of violence with others she was very emotionally distant with me however, once the putting me on a pedestal telling me I'm amazing in bed how much I understand her etc phase ended. She became extremely distant.

My whole relationship with her was a bunch of question marks. Before we broke up she texted me like 5 days prior saying hey I know I've been busy sorry to neglect you I love you. Then days later I see you as a friend now you were an amazing boyfriend but unless you lived closer it wouldn't work. I just felt emotionally exhausted, I forced myself not to get her back even if I miss her dearly, somebody who essentially treated me just as badly as she said everyone else did.

Those points sound very similar to my experience. Saying "You were an amazing boyfriend but I see you as a friend now" were both things she said to me when I asked her why she suddenly broke up with me. It was strange because her words didn't match her actions at all. If I was such an amazing boyfriend why are you ignoring me completely? I suspect its because she felt ashamed for breaking my heart so badly. 

[jujux15]

She was never really violent towards me but had a history of violence with others she was very emotionally distant with me however, once the putting me on a pedestal telling me I'm amazing in bed how much I understand her etc phase ended. She became extremely distant.

My whole relationship with her was a bunch of question marks. Before we broke up she texted me like 5 days prior saying hey I know I've been busy sorry to neglect you I love you. Then days later I see you as a friend now you were an amazing boyfriend but unless you lived closer it wouldn't work. I just felt emotionally exhausted, I forced myself not to get her back even if I miss her dearly, somebody who essentially treated me just as badly as she said everyone else did.

Those points sound very similar to my experience. Saying "You were an amazing boyfriend but I see you as a friend now" were both things she said to me when I asked her why she suddenly broke up with me. It was strange because her words didn't match her actions at all. If I was such an amazing boyfriend why are you ignoring me completely? I suspect its because she felt ashamed for breaking my heart so badly. 

Makes sense, I bought her a promise ring in October 24th she wanted and she cried told me she never wanted to lose me etc. Broke up with me Nov 6 my birthday, broke up again 3 weeks later tells me she isn't ready for that I feel like a friend if it isn't BPD then I'm just at a loss cuz she sure knew how to break me down good.