Met estranged uBPD wife for Christmas

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Happy New Year to everyone.

Well I decided to meet the estranged wife for Christmas after being separated for 5 months until she suddenly appeared at my apartment a few weeks ago.

I decided to meet her for 3 reasons, the 1st being that I wanted to talk about a divorce, the 2nd being she had threatened to come to my apartment or follow me to a bar and not leave if I did not meet her and the 3rd was to see how she acted and had changed in the 5 months we had been separated now that I know what to look for after reading a lot about BPD.

I had made it clear to her that I was done with the relationship and that there was no way we could ever be a couple again prior to me meeting up with her and she had also said this would be the last time I would see her.

We met at a nice hotel in the city where she was staying, I did not mention anything about the divorce until towards the end of the holidays when I thought the time was right and reiterated to her that the relationship was over and offered her a reasonable settlement if she would sign the divorce papers.

Her reply was that she did not want my money, only me and that she had told me that nobody will ever take me away from her.

I told her that the relationship was over and I was not the man for her to which she replied I am wrong and I am the man for her.

After I wished her the best and hoped that she would find someone else who was right for her,she replied she would smash any man's heart in the future the way I had broken her heart, I looked at her eyes when she said this and they were just empty.

She also told me that she was going to tell the world how much she loves me to which I replied that would not be a good idea and she said I don't care. (scary)

Her visa was running out and I got her a one way ticket back to her country, but she said that if she got a job in a city not far from me, could we meet up from time to time for sex to which I immediately thought of triangulation, I informed her that I would not be apart of any of that nonsense.

She is in total denial of doing anything wrong and said she never cheated on me and I just looked at her and told her I don't believe anything she says and is free to do whatever she likes.

With regards to her behaviour and mirroring, the first thing I noticed was that she wanted to drink the same beer as me, which in the 6 years I have known her, that had never happened, she also downloaded all of the music I am currently listening to.

She was playing the victim and had said I had nearly killed her in the 5 months I had strict NC after asking her to leave.

I have not blocked her as I need to keep communication lines open for when she does want to talk about the divorce, but what was scary was that when she was at the airport, she contacted me and said she was upset and hoped the plane would crash.

I will just now bide my time until she is ready to talk about the divorce, I am in no rush to start another relationship at the moment as I am enjoying the single life.

[English Sid]

Happy New Year to everyone.

Well I decided to meet the estranged wife for Christmas after being separated for 5 months until she suddenly appeared at my apartment a few weeks ago.

I decided to meet her for 3 reasons, the 1st being that I wanted to talk about a divorce, the 2nd being she had threatened to come to my apartment or follow me to a bar and not leave if I did not meet her and the 3rd was to see how she acted and had changed in the 5 months we had been separated now that I know what to look for after reading a lot about BPD.

I had made it clear to her that I was done with the relationship and that there was no way we could ever be a couple again prior to me meeting up with her and she had also said this would be the last time I would see her.

We met at a nice hotel in the city where she was staying, I did not mention anything about the divorce until towards the end of the holidays when I thought the time was right and reiterated to her that the relationship was over and offered her a reasonable settlement if she would sign the divorce papers.

Her reply was that she did not want my money, only me and that she had told me that nobody will ever take me away from her.

I told her that the relationship was over and I was not the man for her to which she replied I am wrong and I am the man for her.

After I wished her the best and hoped that she would find someone else who was right for her,she replied she would smash any man's heart in the future the way I had broken her heart, I looked at her eyes when she said this and they were just empty.

She also told me that she was going to tell the world how much she loves me to which I replied that would not be a good idea and she said I don't care. (scary)

Her visa was running out and I got her a one way ticket back to her country, but she said that if she got a job in a city not far from me, could we meet up from time to time for sex to which I immediately thought of triangulation, I informed her that I would not be apart of any of that nonsense.

She is in total denial of doing anything wrong and said she never cheated on me and I just looked at her and told her I don't believe anything she says and is free to do whatever she likes.

With regards to her behaviour and mirroring, the first thing I noticed was that she wanted to drink the same beer as me, which in the 6 years I have known her, that had never happened, she also downloaded all of the music I am currently listening to.

She was playing the victim and had said I had nearly killed her in the 5 months I had strict NC after asking her to leave.

I have not blocked her as I need to keep communication lines open for when she does want to talk about the divorce, but what was scary was that when she was at the airport, she contacted me and said she was upset and hoped the plane would crash.

I will just now bide my time until she is ready to talk about the divorce, I am in no rush to start another relationship at the moment as I am enjoying the single life.

[Newton]

Hey English Sid   ... .Hi from 'English Newton' ... .

As much as I was burnt by relationships with pwBPD, fortunately I never married nor did I get to fund lawyers holidays with divorce expenses... .


It seems you have funds to facilitate her travel... .so I'm guessing you have assets she could claim a % of should divorce proceedings develop if/when her current feelings change... .and/or she finds a new partner?... .

Have you posted on the 'legal' board here?... .may be worth a look as well as this place... .forewarned is forearmed... .

[English Sid]

Hi Newton

I have looked into this and spoke with my lawyer, I don't have any assets in the Country where I got married and live nor in the wife's country, so I think I am ok on that front.

I was just dangling a carrot to the wife as I know she is short of money, unless she is getting financial help from one of her other victims.