Stbx lack of boundaries, respect and black & white

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 

I am in the middle of divorcing. My Father is extremely ill and hospitalized.

Stbxh visited my Dad, which I have no issue with. The issue is he took photos of my Dad in his hospital bed in really bad condition and.posted to social media. This outraged family and friends. The photo put my dad's condition, which remains touch and go, on display.

His lack of respect and boundaries is now clear to all of my family.

My D17 messaged her father asking him to delete the photo because it upset her and she felt it was disrespectful. His response to her was that he did delete the photo (lie), it was his father as much as her grandfather (lie),  she should stop looking at it (blame) and he really didn't give a ___.

I know other family members contacted him as well.

Some background: Stbxh had painted my Dad black throughout our relationship. He blamed my Dad for a lot of things. Of course my Dad was not a saint but he was not all bad either.

Now, stbxh seems to have painted my Dad white but in my view, and that of others, as a tool of manipulation or for personal attention.

My stbxh has a life long pattern of attempting to strip people of their pride,  dignity and integrity by exposing and announcing their human weaknesses and faults.

I am venting here, as it is the place that I feel is safe to do so.

[Teereese]

 

I am in the middle of divorcing. My Father is extremely ill and hospitalized.

Stbxh visited my Dad, which I have no issue with. The issue is he took photos of my Dad in his hospital bed in really bad condition and.posted to social media. This outraged family and friends. The photo put my dad's condition, which remains touch and go, on display.

His lack of respect and boundaries is now clear to all of my family.

My D17 messaged her father asking him to delete the photo because it upset her and she felt it was disrespectful. His response to her was that he did delete the photo (lie), it was his father as much as her grandfather (lie),  she should stop looking at it (blame) and he really didn't give a ___.

I know other family members contacted him as well.

Some background: Stbxh had painted my Dad black throughout our relationship. He blamed my Dad for a lot of things. Of course my Dad was not a saint but he was not all bad either.

Now, stbxh seems to have painted my Dad white but in my view, and that of others, as a tool of manipulation or for personal attention.

My stbxh has a life long pattern of attempting to strip people of their pride,  dignity and integrity by exposing and announcing their human weaknesses and faults.

I am venting here, as it is the place that I feel is safe to do so.

[Learning_curve74]

Ugh, sorry to hear what's going on Teereese. It's hard enough worrying about your father in the hospital and now your stbx is stirring up drama to boot. Hugs to you.   . Additionally, it's nice to see your daughter is willing to stand up to her dad when he is doing something crappy. 

Do you have good family and friends to help support you at this difficult time? You are always welcome to vent here, sometimes it feels like other forum members are the only people that can understand. Yet sometimes it's also nice to be able to get a cup of coffee or share some face to face time in person with somebody you trust also. Best wishes to you and to your father!

[Mutt]

Hi Teeresee,

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds pretty brazen for him to do that. You have family members contacting him and it sounds like he feels ashamed if he's blame shifting. You say that it shows a lack of respect from your STBX and family members are outraged? Was there some sort of rift between family and your STBX?

I think it telegraphs poor boundaries. I think that the bigger picture is your dad. Are you seeing him the hospital? How are you and D17?

[Teereese]

Thank you both.

My Dad is still critical and my D17 and I spent the afternoon with him yesterday. I am trying to be in the moment with my Dad.

I do have some family and friends that I can rely on for support, both for my Dad and the "ex"tra drama. I worry that it can all be too much for a listening ear at times.

My D17 is beginning to stand up for herself with her father and that is a really good thing for her. His responses mean less to her than her getting her point or feelings across to him, which can be hard to grasp.

My family was outraged to see a photo of my Dad in his hospital bed with tubes and leads posted on social media. As a family, we wouldn't post out of respect. Stbxh was disrespectful to do so. Of course, I received calls from family and friends when they saw the photo online. I referred them to contact stbxh with their issue.

There is no specific rift other than stbxh's BPD behaviors over the years and his actions and behaviors during the divorce. There is no issue with him visiting my Dad at all.

[Mutt]

Teereese,

I agree it's disrespectful. It sounds like your  :)17 is taking control of herself with JADE

Good for you for not getting in the middle of family and STBX in a difficult time. Being with your dad is more important. Your dad is in my thoughts and prayers.

[Learning_curve74]

Teereese, it sounds like you are handling everything with grace. Very good idea to refer everybody to your stbx over the photograph issue.

Best wishes to you, your father, and family.