6 years of trying to cope

[pennyblame]

My son appears to have BPD but not formally diagnosed. He fits into this category completely and was diagnosed as anxiety disorder, depression and ADD.  I never realized that the mother is usually the target to BPD's and even though we are close and I know he loves me dearly, its me that he lashes out to the most.  I tippy toed for 6 years because he would threaten to kill himself because he cannot find happiness in his life which exacerbated his disorder more because he had very little boundaries.  He discovered pot in high school and has been an avid smoker since and when he went to college discovered more to help with his pain.  He has been commuting to college since last year because he got evicted because of smoking pot on the premises and has gotten hospitalized twice because of his threats of suicide.  My life has been a roller coaster but recently have seen the light.  These kids need boundaries and guidelines with love.  He expects any doctor i have taken him to to have the magic wand and make it all better.  He needs to do the work.  I have been suggested to see a Dialectic therapist which is going to help him cope if he chooses to get better.  His emotions are so intense that his outbreaks become violent and skewed.  He is extremely bright, witty and even handsome but still hasn't realized his potential to heal himself.  I am mentally and physically exhausted and will not give up the fight to direct him to the right person to help himself.  They say, BPD's have had trauma and he has mentioned while hospitalized that something tragic happened or he witnessed two years ago.  Praying for him and allowing God to guide me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twojaybirds]

Thank you Pennyblame for your candidness.

It sounds like you have taken a bull by its horns.

How are you doing with your life and happiness?

You are right that your son needs to do the work for himself.

Be sure not to wear yourself down that you cannot take are of yourself too.

[VegasMom]

Hi Pennyblame ... .I can only imagine how exhausted and frustrated you are on that emotional roller coaster. But, please, don't forget to fill your tank ... .I think taking care of yourself is so important ... .Especially, when you're stressed. And you are not alone ... .My situation is so very similar to yours (including the whole pot smoking thing ... .my son also discovered it in high school and it got worse in college). And, yes, I think it's very common that they lash out at their mothers. I had a therapist tell me once the reason they do that is because they know our love is unconditional. They know we won't turn our backs on them ... .We are their "safe zone" and they can feel comfortable purging themselves of their bad feelings on us without fear of us turning away. So we need to recognize it for what it is (I know it's easier said than done when you are in the thick of it) ... .It's just them purging themselves of their negativity. So try as hard as you can to shake it off ... .Because it isn't personal (although I know it really does feel like it most of the time). And I agree that boundaries and guidelines with love is what they truly need (although, I've been struggling with that myself lately). So, keep praying and ask for guidance. Sometimes that's all I can manage ... .And take good care of yourself!