List the things you won't miss

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I keep going over my whole relationship in my mind, the good, bad, then I try to piece together when it started to get bad, trying to figure out his cheating habits. It drives me crazy. So instead I will make this list to what I won't miss:


I won't miss the uncertainty the relationship brought with not knowing what his temperament would be at any given moment.

I won't miss how we always did what he wanted to do. It was literally always his way.

His selfishness, and tantrums, outbursts and rages

How he managed to always make our problems my fault.

How cheap he was at tipping. And he took me to cheap restaurants. He was terrible with money! Always in credit debt in the thousands! Always wanting to travel to Disney or weekend trips. No money in the bank bc always wanting to travel or gamble. Give gambling issues last 7 months we dated.

He was grossly immature . And he thought it was funny or attractive but it wasn't.

I won't miss his circular arguments or conversations that would never get resolved.

He would turn everything I said into something negative and then project that I was negative and had the bad temper. When he would be the one raging or flipping out.

Then blame his bad temper on me causing him to act that way.

I won't miss his entitlement issues

I won't miss him being a huge hypochondriac at 34 saying he was going to need a walker in 4 to 7 years bc he claimed they did his ACL surgery wrong. And they didn't. He was fine.

I won't miss how lazy he was . Especially manual labor wise.

I won't miss how cluttered and dirty his car would be. He was a slob!

I won't miss his implusiveness trips to casino sometimes 3 times a week.

I won't miss paying for him and treating him to nice things. He paid for me but if I wanted an upscale nice experience that was on my dime. He never had money saved from all his spending

Going to the store he would want to stock up if things were in sale never mind the fact he'd be spending more and not needing that much or having the space to store it.

I won't miss his jealousy and insecurity

I won't miss his pathological lying, deceit, manipulating ways, or what a big hypocrite he was

I won't miss him trying to bait me into fights about my family.

I won't miss him with his push/pull behaviors

I won't miss his coldness and indifference.

His lack of empathy or compassion. I won't miss being used and abused

I won't miss his mental illness

I won't miss his projections and crazy making ways.

He truly was someone I come to realize has a bad core character. That's why these people tend to be full of shame and self loathing! But honestly they should be feeling those things when they conduct their lifestyles the way do. I feel douped and mad at myself for not recognizing sooner that these are characteristics of a bad or not good person.  I still do not understand how anyone can do these things to people as a way of life . Of course shame has to then become your underlining feeling of yourself . And rightfully so

[Itstopsnow]

I keep going over my whole relationship in my mind, the good, bad, then I try to piece together when it started to get bad, trying to figure out his cheating habits. It drives me crazy. So instead I will make this list to what I won't miss:


I won't miss the uncertainty the relationship brought with not knowing what his temperament would be at any given moment.

I won't miss how we always did what he wanted to do. It was literally always his way.

His selfishness, and tantrums, outbursts and rages

How he managed to always make our problems my fault.

How cheap he was at tipping. And he took me to cheap restaurants. He was terrible with money! Always in credit debt in the thousands! Always wanting to travel to Disney or weekend trips. No money in the bank bc always wanting to travel or gamble. Give gambling issues last 7 months we dated.

He was grossly immature . And he thought it was funny or attractive but it wasn't.

I won't miss his circular arguments or conversations that would never get resolved.

He would turn everything I said into something negative and then project that I was negative and had the bad temper. When he would be the one raging or flipping out.

Then blame his bad temper on me causing him to act that way.

I won't miss his entitlement issues

I won't miss him being a huge hypochondriac at 34 saying he was going to need a walker in 4 to 7 years bc he claimed they did his ACL surgery wrong. And they didn't. He was fine.

I won't miss how lazy he was . Especially manual labor wise.

I won't miss how cluttered and dirty his car would be. He was a slob!

I won't miss his implusiveness trips to casino sometimes 3 times a week.

I won't miss paying for him and treating him to nice things. He paid for me but if I wanted an upscale nice experience that was on my dime. He never had money saved from all his spending

Going to the store he would want to stock up if things were in sale never mind the fact he'd be spending more and not needing that much or having the space to store it.

I won't miss his jealousy and insecurity

I won't miss his pathological lying, deceit, manipulating ways, or what a big hypocrite he was

I won't miss him trying to bait me into fights about my family.

I won't miss him with his push/pull behaviors

I won't miss his coldness and indifference.

His lack of empathy or compassion. I won't miss being used and abused

I won't miss his mental illness

I won't miss his projections and crazy making ways.

He truly was someone I come to realize has a bad core character. That's why these people tend to be full of shame and self loathing! But honestly they should be feeling those things when they conduct their lifestyles the way do. I feel douped and mad at myself for not recognizing sooner that these are characteristics of a bad or not good person.  I still do not understand how anyone can do these things to people as a way of life . Of course shame has to then become your underlining feeling of yourself . And rightfully so

[Lonely_Astro]

I won't miss her inconsistencies

I won't miss her unwillingness to even try to like something I did

I won't miss her trying to force her likes on me, even when I repeatly told her I didn't like those things

I won't miss her lying

I won't miss her cheating

I won't miss her triangulating me constantly and keeping me off kilter... .on purpose

I won't miss her childish attitude

I won't miss walking on eggshells

I won't miss her double standards

I won't miss her constant complaining but when I did it I was "always so negative and b*tching about everything"

I won't miss her invalidating me at every turn and saying I had no reason to distrust her

I won't miss constantly being on high alert

I won't miss her silent treatment

I won't miss the anxiety I felt being around her and I felt after we were physical

I won't miss wondering if I'd catch an STI

I won't miss her abuse, that I didn't see fully until the FOG started to lift.

And finally... .the day will come I won't miss her.

[Itstopsnow]

I should have some of yours on my list too. Really they were not good partners after the idealizing phase ended. The whole disorder makes them so self absorbed on so many levels. I can't think of a worse mental functioning illness to have. Obviously there are some mental illnesses that can be worse once you bring that blood lust into it. Like sociopaths and pschyopaths. But borderlines have been known to murder at times. Movies like fatal attraction and single white female. Many male borderlines don't get diagnosed bc they are in jail for domestic violence . So this illness can get that severe . I hate this mental illness because it affects too much of the individual as a whole and it becomes developed into their character . It's so interwoven into their DNA and I believe that's why it's so hard to treat. It becomes part of their nature .

[UVA2002]

I won't miss someone looking me directly in the eyes and lying. I won't miss being almost admitted to being used for food and drink while she's out living multiple lives behind my back to satisfy her every dark shallow need. Did I mention the lies? I won't miss the humiliation she inflicted by parading a bunch of guys around A week after we broke up because I didn't wave at her one day. I won't miss the lightness in my wallet. I won't miss the cheating and the rumors of behind the back activities. I won't miss the put downs in front of my friends. I won't miss the push pull games with intimacy . I won't miss the standing b***h face. I won't miss the high queen attitude. I won't miss seeing my tax dollars going for therapy and medication to a bunch of addicts basically. I won't miss the crushing feeling of realizing she's owned by something you can never come first over. I won't miss the cigarettes. I won't miss her cancelling plan at the last minute just to hope for some confrontation. Seeking confrontation. I won't miss being called only when wanting something. I won't miss thinking about this. I won't miss having to live next to her someday. I won't miss the constant worry of wonder where someone is at. I won't miss.

[Lonely_Astro]

I should have some of yours on my list too. Really they were not good partners after the idealizing phase ended. The whole disorder makes them so self absorbed on so many levels. I can't think of a worse mental functioning illness to have. Obviously there are some mental illnesses that can be worse once you bring that blood lust into it. Like sociopaths and pschyopaths. But borderlines have been known to murder at times. Movies like fatal attraction and single white female. Many male borderlines don't get diagnosed bc they are in jail for domestic violence . So this illness can get that severe . I hate this mental illness because it affects too much of the individual as a whole and it becomes developed into their character . It's so interwoven into their DNA and I believe that's why it's so hard to treat. It becomes part of their nature .

Just to be clear, the vast majority of ASPD (commonly called psycho/soci paths) are not violent.  Yes, some are, but most are "nonviolent".  They're still ASPD.  Guess where ASPD falls in mental diagnosis?  Cluster B.  Guess where BPD falls?  Cluster B.  So you'll often see ASPD traits in BPDs.  

My ex would often show me ASPD traits and NPD traits.  She is diagnosed BPD.  There's one thing to take away from that: she's seriously mentally ill.  While it's a spectrum disorder, she's still disordered.  :)o I think she's the "stab you with a kitchen knife" type of cluster b?  Under the right stressors, I could see it.  Why?  I've never seen her be violent and I once asked her if she got urges to be.  Her reply to me, with a blank look in her eye, was "oh yes. I want to be a lot but I know I can keep that under control."  Honestly, I was scared of what she was capable of after she so coldly said that.  It was the first time I was ever scared to turn my back on her.

There's so much more under the surface with them.  

[purekalm]

I'm not sure when that day will finally come, but when it does... .

I won't miss his constant angry outbursts.

I won't miss his disrespectful, demeaning, snide attitude towards me.

I won't miss the way he treats my son harshly, like he's an annoyance, only wanting him around when it benefits him and then denying he's even doing it.

I won't miss all his lies, stories and broken promises.

I won't miss the way he spends money and the debt he's piled up.

I won't miss sacrificing everything for him and getting hell in return.

I won't miss how he tries to make me believe what I know is real isn't .

I won't miss how he can idolize me for a second and throw me under his shoe the next.

I won't miss how he hates my family but his is perfect when mine has actually been there and his literally hasn't at all.

I won't miss him ogling women and teenagers, flirting with whoever, even contacting his ex from almost eight years ago to "apologize" to her for treating her bad when SHE cheated on him and continue to treat me with contempt after all I've done!

I won't miss his attitude if he had a dream where I cheated on him.

I won't miss his completely selfish and childish attitude towards everything.

I won't miss him not even caring who I am or anything about me.

I won't miss how sexual relations are demeaning, all about him, and when he wants it is the only times he tries to be nice to me.

I won't miss him choosing games, videos etc. over any time at all with me or our son.

I wish I could give him back the disease he gave me.

I won't miss being depressed because of his treatment of me.

I won't miss having to constantly be on guard to protect my son from his anger.

I won't miss how lazy he is and then alternately telling me how much I do and/or bashing me for being lazy when I'm all reality I was so depressed I could barely stay awake.

I won't miss him rarely coming to any appointments for our son and pretending like he doesn't have autism even yelling at me not to say it just because he sees it as a personal failure.

I won't miss all the damage he's caused in just less than seven years, or him not even caring about our anniversary in March.

One day, like Lonely Astro commented, I won't miss him any more and be able to fully let him go. I refuse to cling to someone who can't even afford me mutual  respect. I don't hate him , but I won't miss the abuse.  Like I've told him, there are reasons why we do what we do, but no excuses.

[Itstopsnow]

You're right lonely Astro. Not all sociopaths are murderers but they're basically all capable of it. They have no conscience at all. And they are different than BPD as they actually intend to prey on others. Even if it's not to physically harm. They always intentionally use though. BPD is different in many ways but Like you said on that spectrum so many traits can over lap. Like the very low to no lack of empathy and at times no conscience to what they do they get so desensitized to it bc of the repeated behaviors of lying and cheating and sneakiness . Mine never was physical but would rage in my face and we ended when he actually spit in my face so I'm sure hitting would of came soon after that. I also agree with you never know what is fully under their surface and what they are capable of. Funny I bet you they don't even know that either. I'm sure it scares them a little too. 

[bAlex]

I won't miss

- the head games

- the fake laughter

- the daily drinking

- her family

- wondering what trouble she's getting herself into when I'm not around

- getting caught up in her created drama

- flirting with other guys

- the lies

- having to constantly explain loyalty, empathy and consequences of her actions

- the manipulation and playing dumb

- the fear of her cheating

- the coldness when she's upset

- the constant need for attention

- always going out to places 24/7 'cause she can't stay still for a moment

- being pushed away

- constantly walking on eggshells

- the feeling that you can't get through to her emotionally

- watching her deceive others

- the fake acting

[movingon123]

I won't miss... .

-Waking up to pissed off text messages

-Being told how I think or feel about something

-Accusations

-Projection

-Walking on eggshells

-Mean comments

-Explosive anger

-Push and pull

-Double standards

[Fox Mulder]

I won't miss not knowing whether she'd kill herself overnight.

I won't miss her sex addiction and the way she'd make me feel like garbage if we skipped a single day.

I won't miss her constant need to seek validation by sending provocative pictures of herself to other people behind my back.

I won't miss how every mistake I made was my fault and proof that I was a bad person, but every mistake she ever made was because of her BPD and her depression, liberating her from blame.

I won't miss the way she would just stare, dead-eyed, into space whenever I accidentally hurt her feelings. I'd spend a full hour trying to reassure her that I was sorry, that I'd learn from my mistake, that I loved her. And she would just stare into the void and say nothing. It made me feel like the worst person in the world.

Above all else, I won't miss missing her, but I still do.

[GreenEyedMonster]

I won't miss watching my ex do rude things, like taking food from friends, and not being able to say a single thing about it.

I won't miss having no voice in the relationship.

I won't miss him going off and having fun with other single women and expecting me to say nothing about it.

I won't miss being uninvited to important events in his life because having me there would be too much work.

I won't miss providing all of the food, drinks, and venues for the relationship.

I won't miss driving 40 miles to see him when he was only driving 3 to see me.

I won't miss him asking for sexual favors twice as much as he was willing to give.

I won't miss wondering if and when he would cheat, if another woman happened to catch his eye.

I won't miss his total disregard for my space -- peeing on the toilet seat, not using coasters on my tables, leaving dirty dishes around, and otherwise making a mess of my apartment.

I won't miss him spouting off his negative opinions of things I like, and expecting me to defend myself.

I won't miss him telling me how things were going to be.

I won't miss him telling me that it was my job to invite myself to events in his life.

I won't miss his financial mess and poor work ethic.

I won't miss him needing everything on his terms.

[Lonely_Astro]

I won't miss watching my ex do rude things, like taking food from friends, and not being able to say a single thing about it.

I won't miss having no voice in the relationship.

I won't miss him going off and having fun with other single women and expecting me to say nothing about it.

I won't miss being uninvited to important events in his life because having me there would be too much work.

I won't miss providing all of the food, drinks, and venues for the relationship.

I won't miss driving 40 miles to see him when he was only driving 3 to see me.

I won't miss him asking for sexual favors twice as much as he was willing to give.

I won't miss wondering if and when he would cheat, if another woman happened to catch his eye.

I won't miss his total disregard for my space -- peeing on the toilet seat, not using coasters on my tables, leaving dirty dishes around, and otherwise making a mess of my apartment.

I won't miss him spouting off his negative opinions of things I like, and expecting me to defend myself.

I won't miss him telling me how things were going to be.

I won't miss him telling me that it was my job to invite myself to events in his life.



I won't miss his financial mess and poor work ethic.

I won't miss him needing everything on his terms.

Yours too?  Mine got mad because I didn't go to the birthday party her family threw for her... .except she never invited me.  On the day of, she text me and said "I wish you would come" (I had my child that weekend) and I replied "we'd love to!  Where is it and what time?"  She replied that she wished I could but she wasn't ready for me to be introduced to her family "like that".  The next day she was mad at me because I didn't come... .even though she told me I couldn't.

Although, to be fair, I think she lied about the party.  My belief is she met up with her estranged husband (estranged at the time, I think), had dinner, and went back to his place for the night.  I say that because that's the same weekend everything changed for us and we never recovered.  Plus, when I specifically asked her what she had done that day a couple of months later (pointed out that was the day it all changed for us), she "couldn't remember". She could remember the day before and the day after but not that day.  So, I took that to mean she was with M due to some other stuff she had said.

Anyway, she was also upset I wouldn't go to the lake with her on a holiday weekend (once again, I wasn't invited and said I'd like to go and she said no). But, it was my fault she said no and she got mad.

Just typing that makes me realize how ridiculous she was with me.

[Beach_Babe]

1. verbal / physical  abuse

2. Cheap and freeloading

3. dysregulation

4. self injury for attention

5. opportunistic nature

6. mood swings

[Hopeful83]

I really need this today... .

Things I won't miss:

- His scary, awful rages

- The abuse I'd get when in said rage (and how he'd try and twist it to make it my fault that he was in a rage)

- The fear of being hit again

- Having to hide all of this from all those close to me

- His disturbing and enmeshed relationship with his mum, and all her interference in our lives

- His inability to differentiate between people who wanted what was best for him and those who were only concerned about how they were getting affected

- The silent treatment he displayed during arguments during the first year we were together

- His ability to somehow turn something small and insignificant into the mother of all arguments

- His ability to twist things I said to use them to his advantage in an argument

- His 'bow down and worship them' attitude towards his parents. He was like a lapdog when it came to them and they couldn't do any wrong in his eyes, even though they were manipulative

- His ever changing moods

- The way he'd let even the smallest setback get to him and drag him down

I could live with a lot of these things, but the rages? Sigh. Why oh why did I not see those as MAJOR red flags?

[GreenEyedMonster]

I also won't miss getting the raw end of the deal with everything, like giving up the window seat when we traveled EVERY time, or having him take the last fry in the basket without a second thought.  In my previous relationship with a really nice guy, we'd fight over who was going to give those things up for each other!

[wishfulthinking]

BeachBabe pretty much summed up mine.

I won't miss the yelling and screaming.

- always talking about doing so good at his business but rarely actually worked.  Rarely gave me any of the money when he did make money. (I think over 3 years I got a grand total of around $3000, that's being generous)

- having to file injured spouse status on taxes because he NEVER once paid his taxes.  It takes till May to get my refund, which he was very excited to spend.

- struggling to pay my monthly bills because I added him to my insurance and phone, plus water, sewer, electric goes up when other people live there, especially when they are there 24/7 because they aren't working.

- being told how selfish, unappreciative I am, how highly intelligent he is, how hard he works, how people should respect him and that someone should just give him $10,000 so he can get his business up and running right because that's all he needs and he will be a success.

- being told how good a dad he is when his 3 kids dislike him, his D refuses to speak to him at all the past 2 years.  But it's her mom's fault, not his you know.

- being lied to about how and where he gets money.  He gets money from his ex now and then and then lies to me about it (she tells me) and calls her the worse names and dogs her every chance he gets when she actually isn't a horrible person.

- stole my diamond jewelry and then screamed at me for hours when I found out.  He had a loan at a pawn shop on it and promised to get them out.  He also did the same with the $600 watch I had gotten him 3 days earlier for his birthday.  I ended up having to buy both back myself because he never got the money.

- lied about drinking

- lied about pills

- lied about meth

- pretty much destroyed my SUV, he never paid taxes on his truck and then I couldn't afford to pay the monthly truck payment so there is a repo out on it, but they have not picked it up after 2 years, so he had to drive my SUV.

- got me in trouble at work by coming in and making a scene.

- was mad because my daughter's father actually pays his child support.

- was jealous of my daughter's father even though we rarely even talk and when we do it's child related.

- was jealous of mystery people that could possibly want to talk to me.

- made it impossible to have dinner with my friends.  He would text or call incessantly and if I shut off my phone would show up to the place I was at.

- he didn't go with me to my major dr appts at first.  I have a rare, potentially life threatening thing.  He finally went to one of the appts and walked out with a scared look on his face saying he thought I was exaggerating.  After that, he did get better about it, but still... .why did it take a specialist for him to believe me.

- got mad because I had a facebook account.  Then when I refused to close it, got mad because I didn't post more pics of us on there, but I couldn't take pics because he hated the way he looked (drugs will do that to you). 

- would grope me whenever he wanted to and I wasn't allowed to get irritated.

- would talk sh!t behind my back, I saw text messages for proof.  The names he called me and the stories he told people were terrible.

- would complain CONSTANTLY about EVERYTHING.  and I never knew if it was going to lead to a rage or not.

- would take over the TV and I wasn't allowed to play on my phone while sitting there with him or do any chores or anything.  I had to sit there.

- the controlling way I was not allowed to walk away when he started in on me.  He would physically grab me and hold me or trap me in a corner or on the couch.  He's very strong, bigger... .I was easily overpowered.

- the bruises from the hard grabs and pushes into things.  I was lucky my back wasn't broken one night when he pushed me in the bathroom and I flew into the bathtub and hurt my back.  I had a healed fracture and bone spur when I went in 3 months later because it still hurt.

- see above... .his aggression that came on with drugs.

- the way he talked to all the kids, like they didn't matter and they were forced to apologize for things that weren't even really wrong.

- the way he took a belt to his son for calling his mom to come get him when he'd been raging all night.  I stepped in and got hit on the leg, too.  His son and I were both bruised.

- the circular arguments and how he would twist his words to gaslight and make you feel crazy or how he "didn't mean it that way", but you knew he did, just you were getting fed up and he knew it.

- the way he always made himself the victim, no matter if it was caused by him or not, it was someone else's fault.

- how his apologies (which were rare and when he could feel I was pulling away) always came with blame.

- how he smacked me and then said it never happened.

- how he punched me and said it never happened and if he had punched me he would have broken my jaw... .but I couldn't open my mouth to even eat for an entire week, but I was putting it on.

- how when I scratched him on accident pushing him off of me, he kept saying I had done it on purpose.  Never let it go. Never.

- how I wasn't ever trying in the marriage.  It was all him.  I never made any changes, only he did.

- how he would get mad if I spent any money on my daughter, but "didn't have to account for his money to anyone".

- how he would sit there and cry about how he was trying so hard and no one cared.  But he wouldn't actually DO anything to make his life better.

I have soo much more, but I'll stop here.

[UserName69]

Her poor personal hygiene.

Her annoying loud voice.

Her anti-social behavior.

Her lies about almost her entire life especially about her past.

Her apartment which she never cleaned, it always was a complete mess.

I won’t miss her stupidity; I could never understand her logic.

Her mood swings. She could go from a happy girl to a suicidal maniac.

Her Facebook activity, the people who just know her on Facebook might think that she’s a beautiful and nice girl. But if you get to know her better you’ll realize that she’s living in an fantasy world.

Her manipulative and deceiving behavior. She always tried to manipulate people, for an instance one day she harmed herself. Later when she saw that she couldn’t blame it on me she decided to give it an another attempt and announcing it on Facebook.

I won’t miss the idolization phase.

I won’t miss her as a person or as a friend. I wish my replacement a lot of luck because he’s going to need that.

[Rmbrworst]

I will not miss... .

Walking on eggshells.

Sudden moments of rage and screaming.

Physical show of violence (pushing, making fists, never beat me, but any violence is not okay)

And most of all

The ON AND OFF dumping and getting back together!  That was the most painful by far, and I'm still dealing with the trauma.

Much love

[SybilVane]

I wont miss his insults

I wont miss his drugs crisis

I wont miss his projections

I wont miss make print screens to prove where/wich who I was

I wont miss taking pictures of every single step just to prove I wasnt lying

I wont miss his anger explosions

I wont miss to take care of every single word just to dont me misunderstood - it was useless, anyway

I REALLY wont miss his baby voice (argh)

I wont miss to be in alert FULLTIME (we never know what can happen... .- I could have an anxiety crisis if the battery of my phone simply uncharges - you know, they always can think you turned off your phone to *hide* things

I wont miss the non-sense accusations

I wont miss silent treatments (a real torture)

I wont miss his explosions of jealousy

I wont miss him tryng to control how I should be dressed, or how I could cut my hair... .

I wont miss his bizarre interpretations of what I said

I wont miss the screams (I Hate screams)

I wont miss him trying to prove me how he is interesting and how any girl could be easily seduced by him

[wishfulthinking]

SybilVane... .wow, your list adds perfectly to mine... .

Take a picture of where you are RIGHT NOW and send it to me. He even told me to do this when I had to rush to where my D10 was in a car accident with my good friend. I finally told him to F off, my daughter could have just been killed.

[Lonely_Astro]

I wont miss his insults

I wont miss his drugs crisis

I wont miss his projections

I wont miss make print screens to prove where/wich who I was

I wont miss taking pictures of every single step just to prove I wasnt lying

I wont miss his anger explosions

I wont miss to take care of every single word just to dont me misunderstood - it was useless, anyway

I REALLY wont miss his baby voice (argh)

I wont miss to be in alert FULLTIME (we never know what can happen... .- I could have an anxiety crisis if the battery of my phone simply uncharges - you know, they always can think you turned off your phone to *hide* things

I wont miss the non-sense accusations

I wont miss silent treatments (a real torture)

I wont miss his explosions of jealousy

I wont miss him tryng to control how I should be dressed, or how I could cut my hair... .

I wont miss his bizarre interpretations of what I said

I wont miss the screams (I Hate screams)

I wont miss him trying to prove me how he is interesting and how any girl could be easily seduced by him

I actually got to the point with mine that I almost asked for this because I simply didn't believe her.  That's how bad my distrust got toward the end.  I literally wanted photographic proof she was where she said she was. 

Just wasn't worth the high alert :-/

[C.Stein]

I actually got to the point with mine that I almost asked for this because I simply didn't believe her.  That's how bad my distrust got toward the end.  I literally wanted photographic proof she was where she said she was.

My ex would take pics of where she was and text them to me even though I never asked her to do that.  What does that mean?

[Bumpsintheroad]

Please forive me if I modify your question slightly... .What I DON'MISS!

I DON'T miss her... .

- her 'believable LIES'.  Hundreds and hundreds.

- hernumerous affairs

- her inability to keep a job.  Always blaming her co-workers, bosses etc.

- herLIES

- her Shopping.  Every day she would tell me whe was 'returning' something. 

-Her brothers drama.

-Her drama

-Her other brothers drama

-Her 'friends'.  In 3 1/2 yrs she had exactly 3.  None of whom I ever met.

-LIES

-inate abaility to blame everything on me, my family, her ex's or friends.

-Spending my money. 

-Stealing my tax refunds checks (I found out thru an IRS investigation)

-STD's (She informed me of after we were married 2 yrs)

-emptying our bank account of nearly $50,000.

I think you get the picture by now.  It's been almost 2 years since I walked out of divorce court with her and said good-bye.  Haven't seen or spoke with her since.

I DON"T miss her!

[SybilVane]

I actually got to the point with mine that I almost asked for this because I simply didn't believe her.  That's how bad my distrust got toward the end.  I literally wanted photographic proof she was where she said she was.

My ex would take pics of where she was and text them to me even though I never asked her to do that.  What does that mean?

Mine also! All the time. I'm sure it was to have an excuse to ask me the same... .

[JaneStorm]

I actually got to the point with mine that I almost asked for this because I simply didn't believe her.  That's how bad my distrust got toward the end.  I literally wanted photographic proof she was where she said she was.

My ex would take pics of where she was and text them to me even though I never asked her to do that.  What does that mean?

Mine also! All the time. I'm sure it was to have an excuse to ask me the same... .

Mine did that also. I figured so when he felt 'injustice', he could rationalize being where he should not bo, not send a pic, then attack me if I questioned him; making me look 'controlling'. He would get mad if I did not send pics all of the time. When I did, he would not respond most of the time or just text a one-word answer (letting me know he was displeased.)

[wellnowonder]

This will be therapeutic  .  Actually been thinking about this a lot lately.I have to remind myself of the bad times for whatever reason.

I won't miss his way.  His music in the car, watching his shows, eating what he wants, etc. etc. etc.  His dictating everything.

I won't miss being broke.  Him stealing money from me, lying, etc.  I won't and don't miss worrying about bills not getting paid.  I don't miss having to give him my paychecks and any surplus cash for his disposal.  I won't miss wondering how we will support our kids.

I don't miss wondering day to day whether this would be the day he quit his insignificant job.  I won't miss being the sole breadwinner.  So what if I am now, bills are paid and kids and I have all we need.

I won't miss dealing with his marijuana habit and yes it could worse but I won't miss the stress that put on me for 11 years especially since we had kids.

I won't miss his cheating and infidelities and hiding until the end.  Will not miss dealing with lies even when I had the proof.

I won't miss the yelling and crying.  I won't miss beel-liging for the door or my bedroom or bathroom and crying until he broke me down out of exhauastion.

Honestly I just won't miss being disappointed.  I am so imperfect, but I always try and and trying to raise a family w/ such a destructive person, won't miss that endless battle and all that entails.

And... .I won't miss the tantrums.  The bullying, the abuse on many different levels.

[wellnowonder]

This will be therapeutic  .  Actually been thinking about this a lot lately.I have to remind myself of the bad times for whatever reason.

I won't miss his way.  His music in the car, watching his shows, eating what he wants, etc. etc. etc.  His dictating everything.

I won't miss being broke.  Him stealing money from me, lying, etc.  I won't and don't miss worrying about bills not getting paid.  I don't miss having to give him my paychecks and any surplus cash for his disposal.  I won't miss wondering how we will support our kids.

I don't miss wondering day to day whether this would be the day he quit his insignificant job.  I won't miss being the sole breadwinner.  So what if I am now, bills are paid and kids and I have all we need.

I won't miss dealing with his marijuana habit and yes it could worse but I won't miss the stress that put on me for 11 years especially since we had kids.

I won't miss his cheating and infidelities and hiding until the end.  Will not miss dealing with lies even when I had the proof.  After all I put up w/ its sad to say his infidelities drove me to divorce.

I won't miss the yelling and crying.  I won't miss beel-linging for the door or my bedroom or bathroom and crying until he broke me down out of exhaustion.

Honestly I just won't miss being disappointed.

And... .I won't miss the tantrums.  The bullying, the abuse on many different levels.

And I will not miss the awkwardness between me and the rest of the world due to him.  I won't miss people asking me why I put up w/ him.  I will not miss the unspoken awkwardness between his family and I.  

[blackbirdsong]

I won't miss:

... .relating simple action as answering to the phone to a russian roulette

... .her stories how everyone wants to flirt with her. Why do you even mention this to someone who loves you every other day?

... .thinking on every special day (holiday, birthday, anniversary, ... .) what kind of chaos will happen

... .my apologies over the things that I didn't cause (her feelings triggered by irrational things)

... .her neediness

... .anxiety whenever I mention my activity that includes others (family members, friends)

... .constant feeling that she is hiding something (and at the end I found out that she did smiley )

... .constant acts of blaming me for her feelings and failures

... .talks how much empathy she has. Much more than everyone else. How no one can love as she can. How intensive her feelings are. I run on this on every BPD forum. Is there any certified measurement for emotions and feelings? I don't think so. But there is international measure for emotion reaction. It doesn't include smashing things without reason.

... .talks how her friend (just pick any of them) is great and successful. And handling the next day talk how that person is messed up

... .complaining how she doesn't have any money. But she can afford new car, the most expensive smartphone, designer clothes, hair stylist every other day, manicure, pedicure... .

... .her career changes ideas every other day

... .her friends that are text book examples of personality disorders

... .her secrets from the past

Sorry, I would continue but I need to go to stalk her Facebook... .

[Shale]

-I won't miss living in two different worlds; the real one where I was distracted and constantly put off balance by her weird manipulations, and her weird world where she was normal and I was intolerant.

-I won't miss never being able to get a normal night of sleep due to being woken up by her yelling at me at 3am for things I didn't understand.

-I won't miss the downward spiral of text messages, one after another without a chance to type a reply, starting out curious and seeking to put a fear at ease and rapidly descending into full on madness.

-I won't miss being out of touch with my friends, especially the female ones, just to make her more comfortable.

-I won't miss the split second where I see her stop trying to fight the pull of her disorder, when her eyes and mouth would change and I knew the next couple of days would hurt like hell and I'd never get them back.

-I won't miss trying to get her out of bed when she didn't have to go to work, trying to explain to her she was off somewhere missing the life we were supposed to be sharing together.

-I won't miss watching her drink a bottle of wine every night while calling me an alcoholic because I wanted to go have a pint with my friends.

-I won't miss wasting time trying to convince her that I love her.

-I won't miss trying to explain that trust doesn't mean "here are all my passwords to everything, now root around in my computer's system files looking for whatever you think I'm hiding".

-I won't miss finding her little "research notes" lying around, where she took notes on everything and tried to find correlations that didn't exist between times, people, and places.

-I won't miss her arrogance; she's the smartest person I've ever met, but that doesn't make her better than anyone else, especially me.

-I won't miss listening to her talk trash about her mother (who was truthfully a wreck of a human and a huge reason why she ended up the way she did) while meanwhile acting and speaking just like her.



But mostly I won't miss how ignorant and naive I was about myself before I met her and saw some of me in her, and her in me, saw why I do some of the things I do and how I ended up with her for years in the first place. Sure, sometimes I want to go back and never meet her, but I already didn't do that. I paid the price for this knowledge in pain, but hard lessons don't come cheap.

[MapleBob]

I've kind of avoided this thread, but the one that stands out in my head today:

Hearing "I'm a smart and capable adult!" (always exactly when she was least acting like a smart and capable adult)