Will she ever come back

[Seamy616]

We have known eachother since we were teenager whilst I we didn't start a relationship till we were 23 it lasted 18 months but despite my pleading she left and was quickly in another relationship which lasted for two months... She then returned to me and for another year until now she is gone again... She reported me to the police for contacting her and has really blacken me... She has changed her phone number leaving no way for me to contact her... .Does this mean she is really gone this time... ? She is defiantly BPD because she has abandonement issues aswell as always has to be right... She has this view of herself as this independent mature woman and wen were out with friends there always some drama to make me out to be an abuser to her victim... .Is their any hope she will return coz despite everything I love her deeply she has always come back before but has never contacted police... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[whiteblue]

I can tell you are in a lot of pain and am sorry to hear that.

Though it is painful and gives you a lot of anxiety to now know whether she will come back or not I think it is very hard to answer whether she will come back or not. Sometimes they leave because they think they can do better than be with you, and return when their new attempts turn out to be disappointments. Whatever path she took, only time can tell. But the chance of getting back with her gets smaller and smaller as you keep running after her and actively show her how much abuse you are willing to take to get her back. Often they will lose respect for the way you are showing so little self-respect. Keep this in mind.

However much you want her back, running after them rarely works and is hardly ever the wise thing to do... .

The fact that she has called the police is serious. It also means that whatever you are doing is perceived by her as something she wants to take action against. Don't push her any further into whatever corner she feels pushed in, because you'll damage your own chances.

If you want to contact her now, wait until tomorrow. If you promised yourself to contact her in three days, make it a week. Try to be strong and keep yourself from losing all control. Focus on yourself. Become the greatest person you could possibly be, and then if she ever decides to step back into your life you'll at least have something impressive to show.

Also, try to think, as objectively as you can, about the abuse you took and how she treated you. She might have put on her angel-face a bunch of times apologizing for the things she did, probably promising never to do them again, the simple fact is that she left you for somebody else before and has left you now again with zero regard for your wellbeing or happiness. Think about that.

Good luck.

[JRT]

My relationship was not altogether different than yours... .2 years which led to an engagement... .she moved in then disappeared only 3 weeks later... .she also called the police when I tried to contact her and a lawyer to threaten a PPO against me (I don't think I so much as raised my voice to her ever). Also someone that I deeply loved. But she has a fairly serious mental illness... .she has demonized me/painted me black and am now a trigger... .I had to sue her to have my property returned to me and even that resulted in her hiring an attorney to defend her in small claims court!

I agree that contacting her would only serve to push her away more than anything else; as such, you have a dammed if you do and dammed if you don't salutation. The best advice is to prepare for her to never return (I have not spoken to mine in 16 months!) and hope that she does. It's difficult to say the least, to cope and recover. There are resources here to help in doing so and people who can support you in the process. I don't know what I would have done without this site and people here. They all can relate as they have all been in similar predicaments.

Let me know if you need anything.