What occurs to me as a possible guess about this behavior is that he's afraid of being controlled through positive reinforcement. Sure makes a conundrum for you.
Cat Familiar, this sounds very probable. And it's absolutely true actually because I communicate with him to keep his volatility a bit under control - because I'm very scared of this volatile aspect even if I'm not scared of him as a person. I've been harmed by his actions badly and beyond the limits of a private relationship (not all of them his fault, but we live in a society and things happen, I feel that my life cannot handle any more crises nowadays, I'm in a fragile state myself) but I want to get out of this as humanely as possible. He is in a very vulnerable state. What do you do when you are faced with this conundrum? I'm very inexperienced in this.
Jessica84, hi,
I don't thank him that much but I learnt a lot about BPD and changed the way I communicate with him. So, there is more positivity in everything even if we are not together - this is because the relationship was very volatile.
An example: He used to be very rude with me and his mother. The woman has an advanced stage of cancer and he is sometimes violent to her - and she is an angry codependent who needs help I suppose. She doesn't want him in her home but she accepted him. Then my ex moved to the tiny and lonely spot where I live - far away from his hometown. He is an active addict at the moment and after a long time in their relationship his mother would be paying for some of his medication. He didn't have a bank account so she wanted to send the money to mine. I said Ok to this. We all met on FB chat and he was polite and even jovial. I later thanked him for the positive communication - the two are horrible especially when together. Next thing, he is starting these chats and being rude and sarcastic and acting like a brat.
He talks about me as his "girlfriend" and we are not. I ask him not to do this in this small town and he apologizes. I thank him for this. Oops, it's back.
He stopped his dismissive behaviours and is much more open and with great awareness about his behaviours. There is almost something like a friendly trust - but he is mirroring me again, so maybe he is doing this to pull me back. I thank him for certain positive behaviours. He seems to be happy about the improvement, too. But then, there is something else, something new and dismissive passive aggressively. It's like it's ever evolving.
I'm working on emotional detachment but what are your suggestions in terms of communication?
