I asked him to Defriend my Family

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

We are separated and he had been acting as if we are still a couple, on Facebook but I found a photo posted on his timeline four months ago of him on a date after I moved out with a bunch of people. Since my family sees this stuff, I asked him several times to unfriend my family because I was not telling them until after Christmas that we parted, I had just had a significant death in the family, we really do not need to air our dirty laundry on an Internet site.  Have some class. No. Instead he defriends me, not them. He keeps them to assuage his tremendous ego.  I complained he had no pics of me on his page, and he was hiding his wife all these years, so he puts me on his profile. What do you make of this, I say he is afraid I am going to take him for all he's worth, I haven't filed yet, he's too cheap to file. He has all the bills of the house because I had to sign it over to him to buy my apt

He was drinking, driving and spending all our money.  He thought I was going to be mad after seeing that photo, that I'd file, because he's done with me, he says, I wouldn't let him control me. He says I swindled him. He is going to have to file. He's so angry because he cannot easily discard me and get another woman, he cannot recycle me and treat me like dirt, he's just plain stuck with the house, high bills, and he can't run me ragged to clean it. Must suck being him.  Should've treated me better, I'm a good woman. I was nice, now I'm angry as a hornet! It's not fun being me either, I have to wait for him to crash and burn, or file. This is someone I used to love but is unrecognizable now.

[ladylee]

We are separated and he had been acting as if we are still a couple, on Facebook but I found a photo posted on his timeline four months ago of him on a date after I moved out with a bunch of people. Since my family sees this stuff, I asked him several times to unfriend my family because I was not telling them until after Christmas that we parted, I had just had a significant death in the family, we really do not need to air our dirty laundry on an Internet site.  Have some class. No. Instead he defriends me, not them. He keeps them to assuage his tremendous ego.  I complained he had no pics of me on his page, and he was hiding his wife all these years, so he puts me on his profile. What do you make of this, I say he is afraid I am going to take him for all he's worth, I haven't filed yet, he's too cheap to file. He has all the bills of the house because I had to sign it over to him to buy my apt

He was drinking, driving and spending all our money.  He thought I was going to be mad after seeing that photo, that I'd file, because he's done with me, he says, I wouldn't let him control me. He says I swindled him. He is going to have to file. He's so angry because he cannot easily discard me and get another woman, he cannot recycle me and treat me like dirt, he's just plain stuck with the house, high bills, and he can't run me ragged to clean it. Must suck being him.  Should've treated me better, I'm a good woman. I was nice, now I'm angry as a hornet! It's not fun being me either, I have to wait for him to crash and burn, or file. This is someone I used to love but is unrecognizable now.

[vortex of confusion]

That sounds infuriating. My stbx won't tell anybody about the status of our relationship. He tells people that we are separating but he leaves out the fact that we are both seeing other people. He doesn't want to tell anybody because then he would have to admit that he has three lady friends, two of which were met on dating sights. I am seeing ONE person that I met in a respectable place. The person that I am seeing is a respectable person that I would be happy to introduce to my family and friends. I am not keeping secrets or pretending that things are okay. I have no idea what kind of people he is seeing. Oops, I mean "talking to". They are just friends and the fact that he met them on a dating site means nothing.

At one point in the roller coaster ride, he made some great pledge of love, blah, blah, blah. I told him, "Then list me as your wife on FB again." He never did. I keep seeing him add new women on FB that I have no idea who they are. We both agree that our marriage is over yet he wants to carry on like it isn't over around other people. It makes no sense to me. I have found that it does me no good to try to make sense out of anything that he does. I have come to the conclusion that he lives in his own little reality that bears little or no resemblance to actual reality.

When we do stuff with the kids, he acts as though everything is all great and wonderful.  My grandma passed away and he is trying to insert himself into things and make a big deal about going to the funeral with me and the kids.

I will say something to him about "you didn't do this or that" so then he starts doing this or that. In all honesty, I think it is an attempt to make himself look better and make me look crazy. At least that is the way it feels to me. It feels like he will strategically do things so that he can refute anything I say with, "but I am doing it now".

How do you feel about the fact that he added you to his profile? How would the fact that he added you to his profile make a difference in what you do or don't get out of a divorce?

What is keeping you from filing?

[Teereese]

We are separated and he had been acting as if we are still a couple, on Facebook but I found a photo posted on his timeline four months ago of him on a date after I moved out with a bunch of people. Since my family sees this stuff, I asked him several times to unfriend my family because I was not telling them until after Christmas that we parted, I had just had a significant death in the family, we really do not need to air our dirty laundry on an Internet site.  Have some class. No. Instead he defriends me, not them. He keeps them to assuage his tremendous ego.  I complained he had no pics of me on his page, and he was hiding his wife all these years, so he puts me on his profile. What do you make of this, I say he is afraid I am going to take him for all he's worth, I haven't filed yet, he's too cheap to file. He has all the bills of the house because I had to sign it over to him to buy my apt

He was drinking, driving and spending all our money.  He thought I was going to be mad after seeing that photo, that I'd file, because he's done with me, he says, I wouldn't let him control me. He says I swindled him. He is going to have to file. He's so angry because he cannot easily discard me and get another woman, he cannot recycle me and treat me like dirt, he's just plain stuck with the house, high bills, and he can't run me ragged to clean it. Must suck being him.  Should've treated me better, I'm a good woman. I was nice, now I'm angry as a hornet! It's not fun being me either, I have to wait for him to crash and burn, or file. This is someone I used to love but is unrecognizable now.

Oh my ... .my stbx is so similar. Most of my family unfriended him because they were sick of seeing his angry diarrhea posts. Though some family still encourage his crazy.

He left after months of drinking,  partying and smearing. He threatened suicide one final time and it didn't work. He told me he wanted a divorce but refused to file.

I filed.

He wasn't going to.

He needed me to file, to be the bad guy, so he could garner sympathy from FB friends and anyone else that would listen.

I was uncontrollable. Then again, I wasn't the one out all night drunk partying like a teenager, getting speeding tickets and just generally being reckless.

I was the one responsible for our kids, bills,  house, pets, a full time job and anything else he decided was too much for him to deal with. It was my own fault because the more he neglected, the more I took care of.

I had been watching him crash and burn for years. I tried to prevent it, help him.

I finally surrendered to the fact that I was responsible for me and could only help me, not him.

[ladylee]

I am waiting for him to file because he carries me on his medical benefits and I want to ensure I am married for ten years to be entitled to full pension at least, then im fighting for the medical. I have to see what lawyer says, he drove me out. I put up with his ___ for 9 years. He used to be up late on the computer probably lining up his next victim on a dating site also, he will have to disclose, he had passwords on our cellphone account and tried to take my phone away, he was hiding ___. He put my photo on his profile after I complained because he is back peddling and thinks I am going to file. I'm not, he's just trying to look good on paper. I can still see his posts, if u search the person on facebook, you can still see, even if they have defriended you. He can't enjoy his life because he knows I already found one photo of him and I'm building a file. We did not have to do this, he could have just been nice to me. He could not control his vices. Now he's stuck in a battle and he's making a mess out of his life. What a lousy retirement for both of us. Hopefully it ends soon. Ten years is up on Feb. 2017, if he doesn't file, I will.  Thank god I didn't get a venereal disease because I'm not sure if he was sleeping around or if it was just email contact, or maybe nothing at all, but he was shutting me out for a long time when I still lived there afyer he knew I was leaving. He is very angry with me now because he cannot control me anymore. But why didn't he care if my family sees these posts? How rude. He wanted to control when I announced the separation, during the mourning period of an aunt. This is a person who would never visit my family but expected me to go see his. He texted me some bull___ compliment five days before Christmas, I gave an unemotional response. Maybe he thought I would go to his families Christmas dinner, I did not, and the truth came out about our separation because he cannot turn down invitations with them, only with my family. He is so conflicted it's pathetic. It is infuriating, he functions on anger, but his facade is the smiling helpful good guy. If you met him you would love him. My family is very upset we parted. I'm worried how I will do in court. Some of my last texts to him were not good. One of his lawyers is a criminal that tried to swindle me.