Feel like I am being used

[hopeful2015]

I am so exhausted and feel so depressed. I live with my 73 year old mother who is the only person I can count on to watch my 14 month old while I work (luckily from home). My BPDh spends nights playing and working from home and leaving his dishes behind.

We had agreed to him moving out by end of Feb but I dont see him making any efforts to look for a place or pack (he has a LOT of stuff). HE completely ignored any of his responsibility towards our son past several weeks and now tries to interact when he feels like it.

I am tired and exhausted of this back and forth. I am seeking therapy myself because the stress is really getting to me. I am also going to attend a coping stress class.

I feel my BPDh is waiting for me to get exhausted from doing everything and ask him to stay. On one hand I am determined to stick to doing everything and on other feel this is so unfair. This feeling of being used is not helping with stress.

Managing a full time sales role, a demanding son and aging mom is hard enough and this  r/s stress is pushing me to the limit. How do you all cope. How can I make a decision and not go back and forth. Feel like until he moves out my mind will always try to imagine what if I can convince himt o help on a few things and treat me fair... .maybe we can find a way to co-exist so atleast I can rely on him for emergency.

I also know that I have not been able to rely on him during emergency in past so how can I expect it now. HE is doing DBT and therapy but I dont see much difference and losing hope.

Have no place to talk about this besides here and therapy. Cant wait for my session today but I know you all can really unde5rstand

[Ceruleanblue]

Hugs to you. You do have a lot on your plate. It sounds like you've chosen a path, and are trying to stick to it. That's good.

Can you give him a deadline for moving? It does sound like he hopes you just don't mean it, and he may lack motivation because it's not something he wants. My BPDh was in DBT, and took a break, and is now back in it. Last time, things got briefly better, then back downhill. I'm seeing that again. He had a major dysregulation last weekend, but had DBT after, and now appears to be "trying"... .even more than last time.

DBT can work for those who really want to get better, and really work the program, and really want to take ownership of their own behaviors. This has been a past issue with BPDh, and I suspect yours as well.

What do you want? Stick to that? If you have given up all hope of making this work, and it's taking too much of a toll on you, stick to a plan that will create the change you want.

[hopeful2015]

Thanks Ceruleanblue,

Ideally I would have liked to go to a couples therapy and atleast work on some basic  rules that will help live together to see if this DBT helps (he has been on it for 4 months now) but right now I just dont see how he is capable of being fair and not act like needy kid who expects somebody else to be responsible for everything and just have the advantage of critiquing and bailing out when he feels like it.

I cannot stand to see him enjoy his cup of coffee and play games and just have a good time in general while I work my ass off. HE is spending what-ever money on games and movies now that he feels he just doesnt want to cooperate (I managed our budget).

The stress is really driving me to the edge and depressing me a lot.