Push/Pull All the Time

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My BPD friend has been doing so much push/pull lately that I've given up trying to figure out what's going on in her mind.  Part of it, I do know, is that she needed two things from me and turned up the charm to get them.  She hadn't gotten her W-2 form yet from the place she worked last year.  I still work there, so she asked me if I had gotten mine.  I got mine a few weeks ago, so I told her I would look into for her, since at the time, neither one of us really knew who was in charge of all of that.  I work at a school, and all of that is handled by people at the admin building, most of whom I've never met.  Another main reason I did this was because she tried to commit suicide right at the end of the school year last year and probably feels uncomfortable calling the school.  But anyway, she thanked me several times, told me I'm the best, sent me heart emojis, etc.  I didn't add fuel to any of it, just simply said, "You're welcome."  On Sunday, she also asked me to fill out a quick online survey for the place where she works, and I actually filled out two of them.  At the end, I got to enter to win a $250 gift card, so that was nice.  The one didn't go through though, so on Tuesday night, she told me she'd send me another code to enter when she worked again on Wednesday.  On Wednesday, I sent a short text, reminding her to send me the code, and never received a reply.  I didn't bother texting her at all today.  

But this has definitely been the pattern lately.  The intervals between push/pull have become a lot shorter.  I suppose that's the main reason why I'm still in Undecided and not in Staying.  I just don't know if I can really "stop the bleeding" at all.  There has been some very minor idealization but no discernible devaluation yet, so things are okay on that front.  I'm just not sure we can get back to having any semblance of an actual friendship, in which we meet for dinner or go shopping every once in a while.  I have learned to recognize when the push is coming, so I just step back and keep my distance for a few days.  I guess my goal is to move back just a bit before she is able to actually push me away completely.  

Tomorrow is the day that she and her ex-boyfriend officially became a couple last year, so I am definitely going to steer clear tomorrow and only engage in conversation if she engages me first.  Her mom, who currently refuses to speak to her until she receives an apology from BPD friend for calling her terrible names, also mailed her a Valentine's Day card the other day, so she should be getting that within the next few days or so.  I'm going to keep busy for the next few days, for sure.  

Has anyone found a way to manage the push/pull, or is it best to just sort of go with the flow?  

[SummerStorm]

My BPD friend has been doing so much push/pull lately that I've given up trying to figure out what's going on in her mind.  Part of it, I do know, is that she needed two things from me and turned up the charm to get them.  She hadn't gotten her W-2 form yet from the place she worked last year.  I still work there, so she asked me if I had gotten mine.  I got mine a few weeks ago, so I told her I would look into for her, since at the time, neither one of us really knew who was in charge of all of that.  I work at a school, and all of that is handled by people at the admin building, most of whom I've never met.  Another main reason I did this was because she tried to commit suicide right at the end of the school year last year and probably feels uncomfortable calling the school.  But anyway, she thanked me several times, told me I'm the best, sent me heart emojis, etc.  I didn't add fuel to any of it, just simply said, "You're welcome."  On Sunday, she also asked me to fill out a quick online survey for the place where she works, and I actually filled out two of them.  At the end, I got to enter to win a $250 gift card, so that was nice.  The one didn't go through though, so on Tuesday night, she told me she'd send me another code to enter when she worked again on Wednesday.  On Wednesday, I sent a short text, reminding her to send me the code, and never received a reply.  I didn't bother texting her at all today.  

But this has definitely been the pattern lately.  The intervals between push/pull have become a lot shorter.  I suppose that's the main reason why I'm still in Undecided and not in Staying.  I just don't know if I can really "stop the bleeding" at all.  There has been some very minor idealization but no discernible devaluation yet, so things are okay on that front.  I'm just not sure we can get back to having any semblance of an actual friendship, in which we meet for dinner or go shopping every once in a while.  I have learned to recognize when the push is coming, so I just step back and keep my distance for a few days.  I guess my goal is to move back just a bit before she is able to actually push me away completely.  

Tomorrow is the day that she and her ex-boyfriend officially became a couple last year, so I am definitely going to steer clear tomorrow and only engage in conversation if she engages me first.  Her mom, who currently refuses to speak to her until she receives an apology from BPD friend for calling her terrible names, also mailed her a Valentine's Day card the other day, so she should be getting that within the next few days or so.  I'm going to keep busy for the next few days, for sure.  

Has anyone found a way to manage the push/pull, or is it best to just sort of go with the flow?