Messiness

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

This topic comes up fairly often, but I got my first real glimpse of it this morning.  My BPD friend posted a picture to her Snapchat story.  It was of her dog (her stepbrother's go, really, but whatever), looking out the window.  It was pouring all day yesterday, and her caption said, "What is rain?"  I looked at it the first time, had a thought about how cute the dog is, and waited for it to go away.  But then, I thought, "I didn't pay attention to the rest of the picture!"  So, I opened it again.  And... .well, let's just say I now know why her mom refers to her apartment as a "pigsty" and her ex-boyfriend refers to her as a "pig." 

The picture must have been taken in either the living room or her bedroom.  There was junk all over the place.  A bowl of chips was sitting on the floor.  It was just a complete mess. 

We've been friends for a year, and I've NEVER been to any of the three places she's lived during that time.  She did whatever she could to avoid having me over.  We always hung out at my house.  And I guess I know why now.

This obviously isn't an actual BPD trait, as there are plenty of Nons out there who are just as messy, but it does seem like a lot of pwBPD live this way.  Is there any theory behind why this might be? 

[SummerStorm]

This topic comes up fairly often, but I got my first real glimpse of it this morning.  My BPD friend posted a picture to her Snapchat story.  It was of her dog (her stepbrother's go, really, but whatever), looking out the window.  It was pouring all day yesterday, and her caption said, "What is rain?"  I looked at it the first time, had a thought about how cute the dog is, and waited for it to go away.  But then, I thought, "I didn't pay attention to the rest of the picture!"  So, I opened it again.  And... .well, let's just say I now know why her mom refers to her apartment as a "pigsty" and her ex-boyfriend refers to her as a "pig." 

The picture must have been taken in either the living room or her bedroom.  There was junk all over the place.  A bowl of chips was sitting on the floor.  It was just a complete mess. 

We've been friends for a year, and I've NEVER been to any of the three places she's lived during that time.  She did whatever she could to avoid having me over.  We always hung out at my house.  And I guess I know why now.

This obviously isn't an actual BPD trait, as there are plenty of Nons out there who are just as messy, but it does seem like a lot of pwBPD live this way.  Is there any theory behind why this might be? 

[Rock Chick]

I think it could possibly be that the condition and messiness of their homes can sometimes reflect whats going on with them on the inside and their emotions perhaps. Sometimes ppl also dont have the skills or werent taught how to clean. Sometimes ppl are just lazy or it can be all mention all together or something completely different. My sisters room is more often super messy pigsty or semi clean and very very very rarely super clean. But that (cleaniess) only lasts a couple hours to 4 or 5 days before the messiness begins. She has BPD amongst other stuff. My bfs BPD mom is more messy and unclean than clean too both with around the house and herself (rarely showers, yrs and month go by before she will get haircut, doesnt want to buy clothes even though hers are worn holey, long gross looking toenails, super dry looking feet/legs/arms, etc) leaves dishes overflowing everywhere, cigarette ashes everywhere, dirty sink, etc etc etc). Perhaps your friend doesnt have you over because she is ashamed of how her place is, scared of what you think and if one will judge her, etc even though u wouldnt do any thing or say anything or think anything negative. Idk just throwing out some thoughts in reply. Be interesting to hear other forum members thoughts on your post and questions.

[Circle]

My diagnosed friend wBPD, is a total slob. And has been, for the years I've been hanging out with them; it's nothing new. My guess is that depression is the primary reason. When you're down, there isn't motivation to clean.

But, there is something else also. I'm low-level depressed, on a small dose of a.d.'s, but I still clean; because I have to. It would drive me crazy not to have a clean environment. However, my friend w/BPD can handle it-or else it wouldn't be that way. That's what I think. The ability to be in chaos.

[SummerStorm]

Circle,

Yes, she has this amazing ability to just live in total chaos and be fine with it.  She keeps getting insufficient fund notices from the bank, but a week and a half ago, she went to a casino with her new boyfriend. 

I think some of it is immaturity and a desire to be parented.  She always says that she "refuses to adult."  She doesn't clean, doesn't balance a checkbook, can barely pay her bills, etc.  She has a college degree but works at a convenience store.  I'm a high school teacher, and she reminds me of my students. 

[Circle]

Storm,

Yeah, that's exactly how my friend is. Doesn't keep track of her accounts. Doesn't work, etc. Has a college degree, but doesn't work. Has showed up to important interviews late, etc.

I just had this vision of Jack Sparrow walking away from some crazy lass and not turning back, while I was logging in. I wish it was as easy as it looks in the movies.

[SummerStorm]

Storm,

Yeah, that's exactly how my friend is. Doesn't keep track of her accounts. Doesn't work, etc. Has a college degree, but doesn't work. Has showed up to important interviews late, etc.

I just had this vision of Jack Sparrow walking away from some crazy lass and not turning back, while I was logging in. I wish it was as easy as it looks in the movies.

She has a big interview coming up next for a store manager position, and it wouldn't surprise me if she showed up late or just completely blew the interview because she wasn't prepared.