hurting so much today

[Larmoyant]

My ex of three months says he wants to be there for me if I need him (my mum is seriously ill), and also says he thinks he is mourning our relationship. Call me skeptical, but I believe he means that he wants me to be there for him if he needs me.

I have clearly stated that I don’t want to be in his life as a friend or be a shoulder to cry on whilst he mourns me! I can't get my head around that one. He has another relationship now so why does he keep in contact with me?

I realised today that I still had a tiny bit of hope that we could work things out, that he would step up and become a ‘normal’ person capable of an intimate, loving, kind, supportive relationship. I keep deluding myself. I’m hurting myself keeping in contact with him.

So why if he’s found someone else does he keep contacting me? Is he playing games? He has been so cruel in the past that I keep thinking he wants me to say I want him back so he can reject me. My therapist says this is likely based on past events, but I can’t quite get it out of my head that he does want me still. I don’t know I feel so messed up today.

[umberto]

I can imagine how difficult this is for you right now. However, literally the only way this will stop is when you block his number and stop answering him. He will never be kind to you, respect you, or treat you fairly. He isn't capable of that and he's using the fact that you are stressed and struggling with your mother to make you feel guilty enough to keep talking to him. It doesn't matter if he wants you or not, you broke up for a reason. Plus he's dating now anyways. I know you care about him and he isn't all bad, but you know that this is never going to work.

You know that you're weak right now. So don't leave yourself available to him. He is not going to leave you alone on his own.

[Grey Kitty]

Dunno what he's about here, and suggest you don't focus on it too much.

You are clearly not comfortable asking him to support you emotionally at a difficult time for you, or you wouldn't be even posting the question.

I don't know about your ex, having not read your story, but most pwBPD have pretty limited empathy, and ability to support and validate another person. Part of the "playbook" is to start out being supportive of you, and then turn things around and make it all about them and their issues. If this sounds like what he did you your relationship, it is likely to happen again... .and NOT what you need today!

If you focus on yourself, you need good safe support dealing both with your mum and your breakup. And  your ex sure isn't it for the second, and sounds dubious for the first.