College or Gap Year?

[Isles64]

Our 18 year old daughter will be graduating high school this year after having spent the last 3 years in RT and a therapeutic boarding school.  She is a hard working, good student and has been accepted at a number of four year schools.  Neither we nor her therapists think she is ready for social and academic rigors of college.  She cannot sufficiently manage her BPD symptoms without a lot of support and obviously has been in a therapeutic bubble for a good part of her formative adolescent life.  We have a lot of guilt about that because we sent her away as much for the good of her siblings as for her.

We are looking at several gap year programs where she will be with students coming out of conventional high schools and just deferring college for a year. Wondering if anyone has any experience with that?  Are we better off having her go to college with therapeutic resources in place?  Would appreciate any suggestions?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twojaybirds]

My personal experience and belief is there is no need to rush college, it will always be there.

There are lots of options, jobs, volunteering, programs that are out there.

Perhaps trying one class if there is a near by community college.

No matter how smart, if there is stress, pressure and emotional conflict, school probably will not workout.

[Turkish]

You must be proud that she was accepted to a number of schools, but I would trust the opinions of the professionals if they think she is not ready. It may be too much. Nothing wrong with trying a class or two at a community college in the meantime. A year or two isn't lost, it s just deferred, to see what she can handle.

A friend's son flunked out of a good tech university. Too much partying, and he couldn't handle the independence, pressure and responsibility. Maybe $15k or more down the drain. He went back to a CC, and then transferred to another good university and did very well. He's wicked smart, too, but his emotional maturity wasn't there yet.

The important question is, though, is how your daughter feels about her options?

[Shell Shocked]

Just wondering... .what are the programs you are looking into?  I have been trying to look into similar things.  My daughter will be graduating this year (in theory... .not 100% sure after a call with her guidance counselor yesterday!) and she is definitely not emotionally ready for college.  Pretty sure she will just treat it as a party and end up flunking out.  Her psych agrees with that. 

She seems to think she is going to college next year but she is not really applying and it is unlikely she will get accepted with the fact that she is blowing off her senior year right now. 

Thanks!

[unicorn2014]

Our 18 year old daughter will be graduating high school this year after having spent the last 3 years in RT and a therapeutic boarding school.  She is a hard working, good student and has been accepted at a number of four year schools.  Neither we nor her therapists think she is ready for social and academic rigors of college.  She cannot sufficiently manage her BPD symptoms without a lot of support and obviously has been in a therapeutic bubble for a good part of her formative adolescent life.  We have a lot of guilt about that because we sent her away as much for the good of her siblings as for her.

We are looking at several gap year programs where she will be with students coming out of conventional high schools and just deferring college for a year. Wondering if anyone has any experience with that?  Are we better off having her go to college with therapeutic resources in place?  Would appreciate any suggestions?

I did not know there was such a thing as gap year programs. I think that may be where my d15 is heading too, although she's only a sophmore. May I ask how you found these programs?

[wendydarling]

What is your daughters choice?  She sounds very motivated, with your support.

WDx