New Member

[Haywood]

Hi folks.  I am a 55 year old male living with my 51 year old GF who I believe has BPD.  Though very often loving, she explodes over very tiny slights, such as leaving the toilet seat up, and will say some very hurtful things.  She knows what things I am most sensitive about and will rage for a few hours about my "shortcomings'.  if I am gentle and agreeable with her, apologetic, she rips into me more.  if I stand my ground, she rips into me more.  If I am quiet, she rips into me more.  Nothing seems to placate her when she has one of these episodes.

But as I have said, most of the time she is a very warm, loving person.  Its just hard to endure these attacks which occur anywhere from every other week, to three times a week.  I am a very easygoing person who virtually never raises his voice and I am simply not use to or wired for this kind of treatment. 

She has also had a fling of sorts (went to visit another man behind my back for a few days) but insists that nothing physical occurred, and has told some pretty staggering lies at times.  She is a highly educated, articulate, diverse intelligent woman and I love her very much. 

I am hoping to find ways of coping with her behavior because I would be very sad to have to end this relationship, but my patience and self-esteem are really being tested by her.

I am looking forward to hearing from others who deal with BPD in their lives an finding ways of better dealing with these difficult persons.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hello Haywood 

Welcome to bpdfamily. It sounds like you have a lot to cope with in your relationship. These relationships can be so hard, and we all here understand. We're here for you, to listen and support and to help you find your way. It can feel like living with two different persons, one minute they're loving, the next they're angry and mean.

You say you hope to find way of coping with her behavior. There's lots of good information here on the website to help us find our way in these relationships. Maybe you will find this article helpful: Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD (3 minute instructional video) It was a great help for me in the beginning.

Do you have anyone in your life to talk to?

How long have you been together?

We're here for you!

[sweetheart]

Hello Haywood, 

I'm really glad you found us.

We have a lot to offer.

Here you will find support from those with shared experiences, evidence based interventions and information, and guidance to work through the process of deciding what is right for your relationship.

Pretty much all of us here that stay on whichever board have improved our understanding of BPD and our role in the difficulties we bring.

Dealing with the confusion that such explosive episodes can cause is very challenging, especially when it feels like everything you do is wrong. What you describe are called dysregulations, and very often placating this kind of behaviour is not possible, so withdrawing to protect ourselves is usually a good option.

I notice Scarlet Phoenix has given you a link to get you started.

Keep posting and let us know what you think.