Bedroom door struggle

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Post is below to most of the story.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=290243.0;all


Is there any way I get in trouble by blocking a door to not let my wife come in a room when she is pursuing me?

She was claiming that I was preventing her from getting her things.  In reality she was badgering me and I was enforcing a boundary and getting away from her.

Previously she has unlocked doors to continue pursuing.  That is why I got behind the door and held it shut.

The "fire" in her burned out in 10-15 minutes.

FF

[formflier]

Post is below to most of the story.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=290243.0;all


Is there any way I get in trouble by blocking a door to not let my wife come in a room when she is pursuing me?

She was claiming that I was preventing her from getting her things.  In reality she was badgering me and I was enforcing a boundary and getting away from her.

Previously she has unlocked doors to continue pursuing.  That is why I got behind the door and held it shut.

The "fire" in her burned out in 10-15 minutes.

FF

[ForeverDad]

I glad you recorded.  Don't tell her about it.  If she makes allegations then you will be able to prove not only you weren't misbehaving but someone else was misbehaving.

There have been infrequent reports here when a member pushed past the raging spouse who was blocking the exit and it turned into allegations of being hit, slammed to the wall, choked, thrown down steps, etc.  You want to be able to say you didn't even touch the other person.  Saying "Yes I pushed past her but I didn't slam her against the wall and choke her... ." isn't helpful.  The court may stop listening after the "yes".

Looking back, when you first arrived the family was really upside down, you were stuck in a bad spot.  With peer support you were able to get a handle on it.  But without her in progressing therapy, it has turned out to be just a stopgap measure. You limited the conflict but like a squeezed balloon (or the amusement park's whack-a-mole) it was bound to break out somewhere somehow.

Have your lawyer prepared to file on a day's notice.  Is your state one where you can also file for temp/interim custody from the date of filing and not left up for grabs for weeks and weeks until a hearing?  If so, then file right after an incident.

[formflier]

  Is your state one where you can also file for temp/interim custody from the date of filing and not left up for grabs for weeks and weeks until a hearing?  If so, then file right after an incident.

There is a wild west period between filing and the temp interim custody.  There is an emergency custody thing, but the bar for that is incredibly high,

This state is much less friendly to Dads than the last state I was in. 

FF

[Fian]

Just curious.  What happens if you take the kids and relocate to a state with friendlier rules towards dads?  Where would the custody hearings take place?

[ForeverDad]

Just curious.  What happens if you take the kids and relocate to a state with friendlier rules towards dads?  Where would the custody hearings take place?

In the USA, residency regarding custody is standardized at 6 months.  So if he moved with the kids then she could have up to 6 months to file in the current county and likely it would take charge of the case.

I've been thinking... .If there is another incident then call the police again.  Even if they sit on their hands and decline to do anything, you still have the option to turn to the court for it to step in.  Just because the police fail to turn it over to a court or prosecutor, you can still ask for protection for yourself and children from domestic court.  (Many courts are like my county which deferred protection petitions for the children to domestic or family court.)  And since you called the police there ought to be a record of the incident, though you can't be sure in advance how favorable or unfavorable it would be, whether you're the one harassed or whether you appeared the problem person.  At the least there ought to be a recording of the 911 call where you would be asking for help and her raging or banging in the background.  Hmm, have you tried to get copies of your past 911 calls?  If not, request them before they get discarded or the storage 'recycled'.

[formflier]

Just curious.  What happens if you take the kids and relocate to a state with friendlier rules towards dads?  Where would the custody hearings take place?

Right now, if either of us filed, it would be in our old state.

I have record of most of our calls, but not the most recent one.

That is a good idea.  I'll give them a call and get a recording.

FF