How to deal with a vindictive soon to be ex spouse and deal with legal system.

[freddy4play]

My spouse was diagnosed with a serious case of BPD.  We have only been married for 5 months and she has already assaulted me a couple of times.  I got the 4 year injunction against her yesterday and she is no longer allowed at the house.  I am a man and I dont know if I am just unlucky but both the police and judge seemed very dismissive of my case.  I have multiple videos of her being out of control, including the video where she assaulted me that left a softball sized bruise on my arm.  Yesterday, after she got a 4 year restraining order put on her, she filed for a restraining order on me.  It is stressing me out like you would not believe.  I have lost 15 pounds in the last two weeks, have a hard time eating,  can not sleep for more than an hour at a time and basically am thinking or dealing with this 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week. 

My spouse has  turned into a monster.  She has vowed to destroy me and she is doing her best.  She was planting evidence in my room, taking a video recording of me finding it, (after she of course told me where to look).  She showed up against the first restraining order and had a woman approach me and telling me to stop taking pictures of her.  She is straight out lying to the court at the hearings.  I am terrified of what she is going to bring to the next court hearing.   

The worst part about all of this is she is telling all these people what a horrible person I am and they seem to believe it.  She is an extremely beautiful woman, and can charm the pants off of any guy.  She is also very intelligent, although her story really starts to fall apart upon close inspection.   Her beauty and intelligence is a lethal combination when trying to fight against her story as no one can believe she is capable of these things. It took me two years to figure out her game.  She tried to commit suicide and that was when I got her diagnosis. 

So what I need help with now is, how can I effectively deal with a woman who is literally plotting to destroy me?  From what I can tell she is doing hours of research trying to find every way to make my life hell. She screamed this at me 100 times.   It is debilitating. 

[Blistex]

I don't know all of your specific examples of the crazy in your life, but I do know mine and can offer a few suggestions from my experience.  Not sure if it will apply to you.

1) You have a restraining order against her so no contact of any kind on your end.  Block her phone/email anything that she could use to contact you.  If she contacts you, hang up.  She should not be allowed into your house, room, ect.  without some sort of court order and police present.  This way she cannot set you up in your personal space,

2) You have a restraining order against her so no contact of any kind on her end.  This would include having friends/family members send messages from her to you (as in the woman who came up to you).  Please read up on abuse by proxy and triangulation.  Also, report any issues you have to the police.

3) Drop facebook/social media entirely and if you can't, block her and any of her friends/joint friends.  Or start a brand new facebook?  Or simply stop using social media.  This too can be used against you.

4) Read up on smear campaign (goes hand in hand with abuse by proxy and triangulation).  I found it best not to JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) to anyone.  I found any response at all would always be repeated back to the ex and get twisted and turned against me.  So I simply stopped JADE'ing with everyone.  I limited my circle to only a few close friends/family but to the global world, I said nothing.  No gossiping on your end and don't engage on gossip with others.

5) Live well (eat well, exercise, work, play, have fun) and try to be above reproach.  So people can see your actions which as we know actions speak louder than words.  In the end, she will reveal her true colors and people will begin to see her more clearly.  That may take quite a few years as it did in my case.

6) Try not to live in fear... .which these people love to control us with along with obligation and guilt.  (The FOG acronym).   Surround yourself with the positive people in your life.   

Also read the story of The Monkey Dance.  It might help to put the fear we feel a little better into perspective.

I hope this helps?  Big hugs.

[Driver]

Hi there,

I'm sorry you're going through this living hell.

All what Blisetex said was a very good piece of advice.

Also, if I were you I'd hire a lawyer and see a therapist.

As Blisetex said, go NC at all costs.

Regarding her threats, let's hope for the best, knowing that for the moment she's painting you black and sees you as  the worst person on Earth. Eventually this hate should decrease, but it'll take more time than with a nonBPD.

If however you feel your life is threatened, then I'd file a complaint. Nobody's above the law, no matter how someone beautiful, charming and intelligent is.

I don't know if it is appropriate, but I'd maybe inform my employer about a possible attempt at ruining your career.

Stay strong, do not let yourself destroy by her behavior. Right now she's trying to push all your buttons in order to make you suffer because she thinks you are punishing her and because she thinks it is unfair that you are abandoning her. So in her eyes, she's punishing you back with all possible methods. The best way to stay mentally sane is not to read her messages no matter how tempting they are. If however you want to read them, prepare yourself mentally to a shower of insults, possible threats and (false) accusations.

Good luck, and I hope you keep us updated on how it evolves, hoping for the best. 

[freddy4play]

Thank you for the help.  I am trying my best to move on with my life.  Obviously it is extremely hard to believe that this person you were willing to marry can be this evil monster.  I really cant believe how much help it has been coming here and seeing that I am not alone and that other people are dealing with the exact same things that I am.  I guess I know that she really didnt love me, but it was her disease that made her love and it was her disease that made her hate me as well.   Very painful that people with this disorder can be so cruel. 

[thisworld]

Freddy4play hi,

I'm sorry that you are going through difficult times. I was looking at book reviews on the website and came across this book written by one of our professional members. Would it be relevant to your situation?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=47078.0

Best,

TW