I have a daughter who is 19 year old with BPD

[Lou23]

I have a 19 year old daughter that was just diagnosed with BPD.  She was living on her own but now she is living with us.  She has been in an inpatient facility twice in the last 2 months.  She was abused as a child by her uncle.  I am the mother and also the person she likes to lash out on.  I am constantly walking on egg shells with the worry of what to say, how to act and what expressions to use.  With her coming home we have set up rules and guidelines.  One guideline is going to counseling.  how do you know if they are really going to counseling?  How do we know when the next appointment is?  Another is taking her meds.  How do we know she is taking them?  We just don't know how to handle enforcing our rules.  Or we don't know how to help her without hurting us.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[AnotherWon]

Hi there, Lou!

Our 20 year old son boomeranged recently and we hope it's temporary.  I schlep him across town to his appointments because it the MOST important thing right now, in our opinion.  I don't know if that's possible for you.  Maybe just in the beginning?  We're just trying to get him to bond with the therapist right now in the hope that they can have a productive relationship.  Haven't set too many boundaries. For one thing, he's hanging out in our basement happily gaming and he's sober.  Plus, I'm frantically reading all I can about BPD to better understand it and to learn how to communicate with him to make things better, not worse like in the past. Not totally sure of my skills yet!  Lol.  You've found a great place here.  Tons of helpful support and awesome resources.

Good luck with your daughter!  Sounds like she's trying to move forward and she's young still.  That's what I tell myself about our situation.

[michmom]

Welcome Lou23, I really identify with where you are existing right now.  Fear has been driving many non-BPD lives.  Mine included.  My daughter is 15 soon to be 16 and her pychiatrist reinforces to her the need for me to validate her taking her medication.  I administer it for PM and AM.  There were a few occasions when I thought I could trust that she was able to self administer but that resulted in her not taking the meds and selling them to friends.  Very dangerous.  So when she was released from the hospital she agreed that until I can confirm consistancy over a long period of time that she has reached "stability" I would validate my love for her by validating that she takes her meds on time.  When she gets annoyed with me, and I can tell because I know the signs, I say "honey, because I love you that's why I am helping you take your meds.  I check in with my daughter about how her medication is helping or causing side effects every couple of days.  Perhaps your daughter can agree to let her therapist engage you in how to help her with BDT skills building.  You will need to add these tools to your skillset in order to help your daughter find a more fulfilling life for herself.

[Rockieplace]

Good luck from me too Lou23- a mother who is the target for quite a lot of anger from our 34 year old BPDD.  It is so frustrating the not knowing isn't it?  How to check up without causing more strife!  We have had the added problem that the professionals won't talk to us about our daughter because of the Data 'bloody - excuse my language' Protection Act here!  They say that they can't tell us anything unless our daughter gives her express permission.  My daughter arbitrarily grants or withdraws her permission at will even when she is under Section which makes no sense to us either!  The lack of information has been quite concerning.  I totally empathize with your feelings of powerlessness.  Keep us posted. x