BPD Wife

[markman2222]

Hi:

I left my BPD wife 7 months ago and thought i was free after almost 8 years with her in both common-law & marriage relationships. Around Christmas, she contacted me saying she still had feelings for me. I was in another relationship at the time and so ignored the email.

Unfortunately my other relationship ended and with the accompanying upset, I found myself in a drunk-texting situation with her and next thing I know, we are meeting for coffee 2 days later, which quickly turned into much more at her suggestion.

Since then, she has put me through the wringer. She'd come to my place for the weekend and it would be amazing sex with constant discussions of us reuniting, how much she desperately loves me and how wonderful it will be, etc., etc.

We even went to a jewellry store where she had a ring picked out for me so that we could renew our vows. She said she wanted to look some other places and we would do it the following weekend.

Of course, two of these such weekends ended both in her backing out on a Tuesday morning and leaving me very hurt and confused.

I'm trying to move past this but it is challenging. Of course I recognize her as unstable and this time around I am so angry & hurt that I vow never again. I am seeing a lawyer later today to get the legal separation and divorce underway.

I don't have a desire to reunite. Just need to get over the pain of it all.

Mark

[SamwizeGamgee]

Sorry to hear this, but, you did good getting it out.  Sometimes having a place to tell your story to other survivors helps a lot.  By the way, there's a board specifically for the issues of separation and divorce. 

I know what you mean by feeling the yo-yo effect of being needed, then rejected and judged.  I've had enough of the emotional whiplash.   

The fact you can see your situation and write out clearly shows that you have made a realization that's good for you.  It is always going to be  a challenge for the logical brain to control the emotional brain, but, when you're separating from a disordered person, you have to think quickly and move slowly.  At least that's my opinion.  By attempting to distance yourself, you are likely going to trigger their greatest fear - that of being alone or neglected.  To separate, you need a solid plan, lots of resolve and lots of support.  Hopefully you can prepare for your exit while keeping peace at home.