Another Dog

[Rockieplace]

Hi there,

Still finding lots to ponder here both in the posts of fellow 'sufferers' and the lessons and information on the sides.  Thank goodness I found you all!

Now - the latest.  After a change of medication and an improvement in her mood and level of stability about 2 weeks ago BPDD33 was discharged (yet again) from hospital while awaiting assessment for therapies in the community. (I know I have said thanks to the NHS here in the UK for being free at point of service but that is where my thanks end.  As experienced by other posters on here the Mental Health Services are truly in disarray and frustratingly under-resourced).

She lives in her own place by the way.

We are holding our breath but, so far, she seems to be coping quite well and has handled a few challenges (late prescriptions etc) quite well. Fingers and everything else crossed! 

I have been looking after her dog on and off for the past 8 months.  I have grown quite attached to this dog although having a dog really doesn't suit our lifestyle as we are retired with a holiday home in France, so have had to pay quite a lot for the dog to go to 'dog sitters' while away.  However, that has been acceptable as we knew our D was so attached to the dog too and thought it would give her an incentive to get better.  She has now got her dog back and is looking after the dog really well.  She struggled to care for the dog previously as she found him very demanding of walks etc.  While she was still in hospital my GD5 told us that my daughter (her aunt) had told her she was getting another puppy.  I made it clear (in the firmest but nicest way possible) that I would not look after 2 dogs.  My BPDD then assured me that she only meant to consider another dog when she was completely better.  My daughter has previously had to get my mother (who died last year) take her previous dog because she couldn't look after the dog.  In fact it was mentioned by the vicar at her funeral and my BPDD was quite affronted at the implication that she had neglected the dog!   

Now, my BPDD told me last night that she was having 'a trial puppy' week starting from today!  She said that she was going to see how her dog got on with the puppy etc etc.  I tried to be cautiously positive saying how she must be careful not to take on too much etc etc.  Alarm bells are ringing though.  I am trying to be positive, thinking that she might decide it is too much for her but realistically I'm sort of sure she will take it.  I'm not even sure I believe it is only 'a trial'.  Is there anything more I can do or say?  Any advice gratefully received.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Validate her feelings of wanting another dog.

Talk to her from the perspective of looking after self and focusing on self, not the best time, later would be better, etc... .and do it as much as possible by asking validating questions.

If she goes through with the adoption then stick to your boundary.

[Rockieplace]

Just thought I'd provide an update!  Surprise, surprise, my BPDD33 is keeping the dog!  Having said that, it is a most adorable puppy and it does seem to be providing a pleasant distraction to my daughter who has had to face a few very challenging events this last week. 

A real positive for me though was when she told me that a friend of hers had visited her and had told her that, as she already had a dog and really fell in love with my daughter's two dogs, she would be happy to look after them if needed at any time, although my daughter stressed that she was sure it wouldn't be required!  I felt quite heartened by the thought that a) my daughter has realized that I meant what I said when I told her that I categorically wouldn't look after two dogs for her and b) she then made a contingency plan of sorts.  Fingers crossed.   Apologies to the parents on here who are worrying about or indeed caring for grandchildren of their kids with BPD.  I know I'm very lucky right now to be only talking about contingency plans for pets. My heart goes out to you.