Convinced my husband and his family have BPD.

[So Frustrated]

For many years I have been suffering with a husband and his family who have BPD and other mental illnesses.  I have typically fought with my husband and avoided the family out of complete frustration.  How to you create peace with those who have BPD?  I need a new approach first with my husband then possibly the family.  Please offer your help and suggestions?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sweetheart]

Hello So Frustrated   Welcome to bpdfamily from everyone here.

Being married to someone with a mental illness can be tough, and dealing with it in family members can be a minefield. I understand your frustrations and there will also be many members here who are choosing to avoid family situations too.

What mental illnesses are your husbands family living with?

Choosing to focus first on trying to improve things with your husband is really positive. The skills you can learn here are transferable to all sorts of situations including our extended families and in-laws. Even your friends.

Can you tell us some more about what you're experiences have been with your husband, is he diagnosed with BPD?

Creating peace within a relationship can be hard and it is also relative. What would peace look like for you?

Our approach here is to explore our role in any conflict or in response to dysregulated behaviour associated with BPD. We encourage you to develop a better understanding of this illness as a way of changing how you approach your husband. The lessons to the right of this page are a great source of information---------------------->

Have you a support network, family or friends who are aware of your situation, who is there to listen to you?

I'm aware I've asked quite a few questions  , however your responses will help us guide and support you with information that is specific to your needs at the moment.

[So Frustrated]

The family tries to hide their mental illness and will not seek professional help.  The elder mother has had various breakdowns, shared horrible stories about her abuse as a child and young wife and displays symptoms of narcissism and hypochondria.  Her children have always enabled her and now that she is very ill, she is VERY demanding and manipulative.

My husband has not been officially diagnosed as he will not seek professional help.  He drives recklessly and laughs when I ask him to stop, he is sarcastic and bitter - extremely negative - and has severe anger management issues. He can very quickly go into a rage then when finished wonders what is my problem with his display!  He has had trouble keeping a job and quickly turns on people or service providers who he initially likes then changes his mind.  He is isolated with very few friends, no hobbies - likes watching tv for days.  Not at all intimate with me or others. 

Peace for me would look like:  the roller coaster of emotion would end, no more raging and our fighting would cease.  I know he will not change so I have to.  The question is how can I chance to minimize his actions above?

I have a wonderful support group who is there for me.  I am ashamed I burdened them as I have complained to them for so many years.  Until recently, I did not think this as mental illness so feel in some ways relieved.  Now I feel hopeful that I can make some changes.