I'm not sure anymore . Please help

[rb08]

I posted earlier on about the details of how this all occurred.

But, even with the no contact, we spoke today after 3 days of nothing.

He's still convinced I am controlling and needy. After just explaining to him that I can't know how he feels because he hasn't said anything to me post break up. He's twisting everything I've said and denying it.

I don't know what hurts more,to feel like he just mirrored my feelings, or felt nothing for me at all!

I understand the b.p.d has a massive effect on his behaviour, but it doesn't  help when you have taken the blame for everything for so long.

He's said so many hurtfu l things to me. And still I miss him, he genuinely breathed life back into me and now there is just a huge hole.

Earlier on I tried to just calmly explain I've had a lot of stress in my own life which could have inflicted on my behaviour in the relationship. But I had arranged therapy and I was going to be stronger and able to cope with things a little better. That our relationship was worth a lot more, I wasn't going to walk away from us I'd face it all with him.

That was a bad idea, he started picking on my flaws and how this relationship wouldn't work,I'd been calm, I've literally exhausted every option of trying to communicate with him on any kind of level.

After he yet again, accused me of not listening but hadn't listened to me either.

I decided to just be blunt and to just put my absolute feelings on the table.

He focused on one thing I had said and that was he was taking my flaws in a negative way and punishing me for them. By making me feel like my feelings were irrelevant and I can't speak up when I'm hurting.

He responded with I'd never hear from him again.

Is it always going to be like this now?

Should i just let him go?

I've read everything I can on here about fixing it, communicating, not communicating, trying to get over him,  resolving conflict. And I just don't know what to do! I miss him so much that even when I feel a little better it's literally for 5 minutes and it all then comes back. And it's only the good things I can think of. He's said so many unforgivable things but I still want him.

[once removed]

hey rebeccalouise08,

it sounds to me like youre really putting your heart on the line here, and repeatedly having it thrown back at you with blame and criticism. no doubt that hurts a lot, and frankly it doesnt sound productive for you. i would back off from putting yourself in that position or discussing who is at fault for what, or, at least right now, discussing any future together. you may be inadvertently doing one of two things or both: triggering his sense of engulfment, or reinforcing his view that you are persecuting him. the first step to improving this situation is getting off the triangle.

I miss him so much that even when I feel a little better it's literally for 5 minutes and it all then comes back. And it's only the good things I can think of. He's said so many unforgivable things but I still want him.

its difficult to see right now, and its of little consolation, but what you are experiencing given the circumstances is normal, and it will get better, but its going to take some time. lean on us during this time. can you share some of the unforgivable things he has said?

[rb08]

One thing that really got to me was, (my son is autistic and 5 years old) I simply explained that he didn't understand what was going on and it was reflecting how the breakup was going on my end. No ploy to use him as a weapon,  just that it wasn't fair to my son for me to just tell him that my ex wasn't coming back.

So that didn't sit well with him and he said 'fine let's stay together.  I'll remain in hell and he can find me hanging in the bathroom when he comes home from school'

Other things such as, this is the worst relationship I've had... even though everything was fine :/

If I were in his head I'd leave me too.

He's not the one for me, someone with short term memory loss is

All of this, was from me explaining that I'd been getting muddled in my head and forgetful, along with a few other things which a doctor put down to a hormone imbalance, I also have clinical depression witch I start therapy for tomorrow.

I'm supposed to be picking up my things on Friday from his house, he's not going to be there his reasoning was he wasn't cancelling his plans to sit at home and argue with his ex.

I don't really know what I can say to him anymore if I'm honest. As it says on here 'absence makes the heart grow colder'  I can already see the hatred in his messages, he won't even talk to me on the phone. I know it sounds on here that I am being extremely needy with him, but today was the first contact in 3 days. It's all very black and white to him. He doesn't want me. I feel it

[Ab123]

Rebecca - I know it's hard now, but the pain will pass, I promise. It's obvious that your a caring person, and you deserve someone that cares about your feelings and happiness too. It doesn't sound like this guy does, and maybe he can't. If you win him back, he' just hurt you more.