I guess things could be worse?

[Just Jake]

Hello. Just Jake is my handle, which is ironic, because Jake means everything is great. Not the case. Things have been and still are so difficult everyday. I lose my cool. I get dysregulated. There seems to be no way to talk about even simple things, everyday stuff like housekeeping issues. I feel like time is wasting. Life is passing. It has been ten years.

I love her, she says she loves me. This has been the most difficult and dangerous thing I have ever experienced. I am at a complete loss as to what to do. Please, I want to make this better. I don't know how. I don't even really know where to begin. I daydream about conversations that lead to a resolution, and those same thoughts keep me awake at night.

There is no end to the frustration. I am so hurt. So angry. So confused. Sincerely, Just Jake.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi Just Jake,

welcome and hello 

Can you tell us a little more about what's going on? It sounds like things are pretty high voltage right now, and it's hard to dial down the emotions and anxiety so you can catch a break.

Are the two of you living together? What is making things dangerous for you?

I hope you'll share more when you feel ready and let us know how you're doing. People here understand.

[C.Stein]

Hey JJ,

I you don't mind me asking, what is frustrating you?

[Grey Kitty]

Hello and welcome!

I've got one tip for you based on what you said here.

I lose my cool. I get dysregulated. There seems to be no way to talk about even simple things, everyday stuff like housekeeping issues.

Losing your cool and getting upset is completely natural, and it happens to all of us, the best of us, and the worst of us.

There have been many times where I *wished* could stay calm and collected, and say something peaceful... .but knew I just couldn't at the time. You sound like you recognize when you get there too. What I've learned is that the best thing I can do at that time may just be take a time out and disengage.

As in change the subject, end the conversation, or leave the room. Or just go to the bathroom so you have 2 minutes to calm down and think. It really does help--help you, and help your relationship--if you *KNOW* that anything you say will be angry and come out wrong, just not saying it is a big step forward. And if you stay and try not to when you continue to be provoked, eventually you will burst and say something you later regret.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Just Jake, Welcome!  You have come to a great place.  Sorry to hear what you are going through.  What makes you think that your SO had BPD?  Presumably you think so or you wouldn't be on this site.

LuckyJim