Love bombed today

[Ab123]

So, my exbfwUBPD escalated the weekend recycle attempt to full blown love bomb today. Told me everything I wanted to hear, and promised the world. I stayed strong and was firm. I was kind/loving, and he responded warmly and was understanding.  Thanks so much to everyone that has shared their stories and helped me recognize the unhealthy pattern. It is tempting to slip back into denial.

It is very helpful that I have a new boyfriend.  I couldn't live with myself if I broke the new guys heart to backslide into a recycle that's likely doomed anyway.  He deserves better.

I do think my ex will give me space now. That may be overly optimistic, but I don't think there is anything left for him to say. I don't want to block him unless it gets totally out of hand. It seems cruel.

[Herodias]

Good for you for seeing this clearly. He may keep trying, you never know. Be strong... .Just try and ignore. It's tough, but you know what he is doing.

[Ab123]

It's like he is following some BPD playbook. He found an excuse to text, again, and this time became nasty and started a guilt trip.

It's totally surreal.

He isn't going away, is he? 

I can't just ignore. I'm going to have to grey rock.

[Herodias]

They don't go away... .They may go away for awhile, it depends on how attached they were to you. Don't mess it up with the new person. Ignore the  pwBPD... , I ended up telling mine that I knew all about his personality and I didn't deserve to be treated this way, so leave me alone. I ignored his text a month ago, but he found something new to text me about this month. They just want to see if they can still get to you. It doesn't mean anything and it doesn't mean they are alone. Just ignore... .

[once removed]

It's like he is following some BPD playbook. He found an excuse to text, again, and this time became nasty and started a guilt trip.

It's totally surreal.

He isn't going away, is he? 

I can't just ignore. I'm going to have to grey rock.

can you elaborate? what excuse did he find to text?

[freefox]

So, my exbfwUBPD escalated the weekend recycle attempt to full blown love bomb today. Told me everything I wanted to hear, and promised the world.

This is where I'm at now. My uBPDh is also promising the world, and asking me to just give him another chance to show me that things can be different... asking how I could possibly give up on our marriage in its first year...

Love bomb seems like an appropriate name for what he's doing too. Im new and hadn't heard that yet. He is acting like the man I fell in love with, not the one I've been seeing for 2 years. It's so confusing and makes this split so much more difficult and emotional. Because we are married, have a shared lease we are still paying on and items to divide (not to mention no divorce can be filed for another month)... .I'm not fully NC yet.

Any tips or advice, especially from the married nons? I need some moral support.

[Herodias]

I have been separated since Jan. 2015... .We are not going to be divorced until Summer I supposed. It's complicated - of course, ... .Mine got another woman pregnant about 5 months into seeing her (which was May after we were separated, if not before). They both cheated on their spouses 3 years ago when they worked together, but stopped. She divorced her husband in three months- he filed adultery on her... .My husband and her are still together- I am positive it won't last. He is pretending to be yet another person he is not.  They have been living together since Nov. I suspect she will put up with more, due to her being pregnant. I am telling you this because I don't want you to be surprised how fast they move on! Mine was still making attempts to come back the whole time- While seeing other women as well... .this one was not the only one.  I am not really sure if he really meant it or was just testing me. I will tell you that I moved on with the divorce really fast! I got a lawyer and did the divorce decree immediately. I would not give him time to think about what to do, because they can manipulate things and be vindictive. I knew what I wanted and moved fast to get it in writing. I wish you luck because it's  really awful emotionally to go through. You have moments of being alone, but you have to remember the bad, it's the only way to not go back. I went back three times in the past and I will tell you, it gets worse. I hate to say it, but the more you take them back, the more the despise you. The think less of you for doing so. At least this is what I have found. I wish you the best... .xo

[Ab123]

It's like he is following some BPD playbook. He found an excuse to text, again, and this time became nasty and started a guilt trip.

It's totally surreal.

He isn't going away, is he? 

I can't just ignore. I'm going to have to grey rock.

can you elaborate? what excuse did he find to text?

We had really lovely closure. So lovely, in fact, that if things don't work out with my new boyfriend, I'd almost certainly reach out to talk and see if there isn't some chance that I'm wrong about my exbfwuBPD. But then, that same night, he asked whether I wanted the one inconsequential item I left at his house. (No sentimental value, worth less than $30.). It sort of triggered me, because I had mentioned them as well as a more expensive item Id loaned him in a sobbing voicemail when he was refusing to see me for a closure conversation when we broke up. I don't think he ever listened to that VM, but it brought back the pain I had felt and I told him that, and asked that he give me space like I'd asked.

He responded by saying I had no reason to be hurt, since I had my new life (new boyfriend) and he was forced to start over. He then pushed to deliver them to me, saying he could leave them on my porch. (Even with that, it was an obvious attempt to see me.) I dialed it back, thanked him, said I didn't need the items back, that I thought "they were gone (like him) a month ago" and had made peace.

He fired back "ok, not nice, but ok". I was angry, reiterated that I was terribly hurt at the way he shut down, after treating me so badly that I had to initiate a breakup, and essentially had emotionally abandoned me, which he had promised he wouldn't do when we got back together last time.  (It's important to understand that both he and I agree that I did "nothing wrong". Our breakup was triggered when he started frequently raging at me, without even being able to point to anything I had done. It was all external and he just spewed in my direction, then felt guilty and pushed me away. )

So, I closed by saying: "whether you mean to or not, you hurt me. Please leave me alone." 

It has been silent since then. If the silence continues, I may conclude that perhaps he isn't so bad (so strongly BPD) and still consider talking to him if things down work out with my new guy. Though, I must say, new guy is great and it is lovely to be in a slow moving relationship where I feel fairly calm, and still feel the butterflies of falling for someone. I can actually feel myself detoxing from my ex as the days pass and I'm better able to focus on other parts of my life. 

[WoundedBibi]

Ab123, Focus on the new guy. Enjoy how a normal relationship feels. Don't even think about it not working out. Let it just flow.

The silence of your ex does not have to mean he's an ok guy though. My ex was horrible to me once he knew he had me where he wanted me, and even worse after we broke up. in December he wrote about me (well for me it's obvious it's about me) on his blog depicting me as a woman with cold eyes and an empty heart. He has also been silent since I broke off the contact. Last May. So in his case silence means not that his BPD/NPD is not that bad.

Let go. Recycling does not lead to a future with a white picket fence.

[HarleypsychRN]

So, my exbfwUBPD escalated the weekend recycle attempt to full blown love bomb today. Told me everything I wanted to hear, and promised the world. I stayed strong and was firm. I was kind/loving, and he responded warmly and was understanding.  Thanks so much to everyone that has shared their stories and helped me recognize the unhealthy pattern. It is tempting to slip back into denial.

It is very helpful that I have a new boyfriend.  I couldn't live with myself if I broke the new guys heart to backslide into a recycle that's likely doomed anyway.  He deserves better.

I do think my ex will give me space now. That may be overly optimistic, but I don't think there is anything left for him to say. I don't want to block him unless it gets totally out of hand. It seems cruel.

You deserve better... .you deserve a healthy loving relationship. Please focus on YOUR needs. So many of us are empaths, healers, rescuers and look where it got us... .heartbreak, depression, and god knows what else. There's a reason they say go NC. I hope when the time comes I'm strong enough to follow my own advice. That's how strong they lure you into their pathology.

Good luck!

[Ab123]

Thanks woundedbib and harleypsych. I'm still struggling a bit. Feelings of "I miss him!  Maybe I'm overreacting... ." still come in waves. Staying NC.

[WoundedBibi]

Go AB, go AB, go AB! 

Whenever you wonder if he isn't really your prince Charming after all and you're 'just blind', come to this site! Read some stuff on why he most probably is just a Royal pain in... ehm... a random body part. Make a list of why he could never qualify for the position of mister Right. Put it somewhere you can see it when needed (inside a cupboard?)