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Author Topic: Update 24 hours later. Much calmer  (Read 246 times)
« on: March 15, 2016, 07:11:50 PM »

The other thread was getting too long so I figured a fresh day and hopefully brief update.

So after basically saying good-bye in my final email if you could read I got an email this morning from her asking me to give her the car.

I think I posted this in the old thread but basically I said no. And I told her to leave me alone.

We emailed back and forth all day and I got several other things off my chest and a little bit of response from her. When I called her out on stuff that she could not become the truth about she didn't fight it.

She is not mad at me. She is not trying to punish me. She is not vindictive. I think that I did a fairly good job of explaining to her why I was upset and how she could have handled things differently back in December.

Once slightly i guess odd note. Early in the morning we had an exchange where she said that she didn't think that I had full responsibility for the financial aspect of the vehicle.  I Explained to her clearly that it was not in my best interest to not make all payments even if I was upset and wanted to be a jerk it would punish me as well not that I wanted to

So I clearly explained  this. Like emphatically so.

She then answered the question about one of the indirect contact during our period of no contact.

I expressed  a very tiny bit of frustration by saying "ugh I'm just wasting my words here at this point. I'm just going to shut up "

2 hours later I received your last email and it stated what motivation do you have to make the car payment.

So I don't know if it's just me but I found that question slightly odd considering I have pretty much just laid it out for you that it's both of our responsibility so I can't just ignore it.

Maybe I took it the wrong way but I decided to be nice and I said " because I care about you.  I will take care of it aubrey . I let my emotions get the better of me and had a bad day yesterday.  I dont want you to have to worry about it or be stressed out anymore then I will never bring up the car again.'

So she didn't say anything else so I think she's fine with that and I guess we're going to own a vehicle together still. I don't know if that's what she was looking for or if I misread that but that's what I said so that's done.

There has been this undercurrent for the past week and a half that we both seem to be very quick to reply to each other even though she's mostly only dealing with matters of a financial or legal sense but she did touch on a couple things today.

I could be way off here believe me but now if we're going to leave the car alone I believe we have resolved all matters finally. But it does feel like on some level that we are both addicted to this. I'm not currently dating so probably me more than her butt it seems like right when she gets to work and throughout the day she's spending an awful lot of time emailing me back and forth.

She didn't refuse anything I said she has never called me out. She's never said I was a bad boyfriend she has never sad I was abusive in any way shape or form. She is communicating a lot so I don't know where I stand as far as if she's going to be in my life or not because I guess I already put that out there and I'm not going to say anything more at this point.

But anyway it's been a lot calmer and now that I've had 24 hours I'm glad I said everything. I think overall in my particular case but again keep in mind my ex-girlfriend never raged she never hit she was very quiet and I never was fearful of her so as I was saying I think overall in my case sending the email was okay. I tried this with a prior BPD who I think was NPD and she pretty much destroyed my life which is why I have temporary probation right now for the first time in my life. Not anything serious and I am able to get it removed from my record as it's actually probation before judgement. So certain people like this I would definitely not recommend calling them out that does not go over well.

So I guess in summary I've never been blocked from her I've never been told don't ever contact me again. I've even after if that's what she wants and she won't say it.

I'm just going to try to be a good guy and if she needs me for something that I can help with then that's up to her but I don't foresee a relationship. I'm hoping that we can be friends because she's a good girl but I'm not going to count on it

I think I'm glad that I broke no contact a couple of weeks ago because it forced everything into a Direction and maybe we both were able to blow off a little bit of steam and have a little bit of contact with each other for maybe different reasons I don't know.

I don't see any strong indicators that she wants to sit down and talk at all so this could very well be the end of our conversations. If I hear from her again for any reason I will definitely post but this is as close to closure as I could hope for. I appreciate everybody's responses and thoughts as always. Thank you
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2016, 07:13:51 PM »

Correction I meant to say when I called her out on stuff that she could not dispute the truth about she did not fight it. Basically she knew that I was right and she let it go
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Relationship status: SO
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« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2016, 07:29:32 PM »

Correction I meant to say when I called her out on stuff that she could not dispute the truth about she did not fight it. Basically she knew that I was right and she let it go

I need to learn to accept that I don't have to have the last word and I don't have to be right and I don't have to convince somebody of something.

« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2016, 07:32:12 PM »

Boy you don't miss anything. Point taken.

In fairness I think that I had already call her out before I typed in the fact that I don't need to be right. I'm trying to cover my butt here
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2016, 07:43:26 PM »

I just want to make one point of clarification. There is a difference between trying to get somebody to see my side and be  right VERSUS what happened this morning which was she blatantly lied or she is suffering from schizophrenia. And I was able to show her with 100% proof that she is actually lyING . Now this was not a relationship issue this was a her reaching out to bother me over something when we were not speaking because she said we didn't need to talk anymore. So I have been advised by a few girlfriends to not allow her to manipulate or lie to me. Otherwise yes many times with women it's better off to just be quiet and let them be right if it's not important I'm with you
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