I was able to get out of a relationship with my ex fiance who I discovered had BPD after I moved in with him. I didn't see the signs at first but once I did, I got him into thereapy. After he refused to continue treatment, I knew I needed to get out. I don't have any regrets and no desire to reconcile. My issue is that I still work this man. I'm finding that somedays he is ok and somedays he isn't. One day I'm great and doing a great job, I'm the most competent person in the office, the next... .I have no idea what I am doing. Co-workers are starting to notice and are making comments. I haven't told anyone about his disorder, they think it just has to do with our breakup. I need help dealing with this. I've been reading that keeping my distance, not giving him anything to connect to is the best recourse. So I've been trying to keep it strictly professional. Most days that works but then he seems to get upset with that and will try to joke with me about something. I know that looking for another job is probably the best solution but right now I can't do that. I need to wait atleast a year before I an even consider that. I've got kids in school and I need to be close to give them rides to and from. I'm just looking for some help on the best way to minimize outbursts... .does anyone have any suggestions.
First of all, good for getting out!
I'm sorry you have to work with him. I work with my ex pwBPD too and it is VERY hard. We are a tiny company (14 ppl). It's been about 6 weeks since I finally said not to getting back together after he ended things for the who knows how many timeth (if timeth is a word). It has been hard, very hard. I know exactly what you mean regarding feeling ok one minute and the next minute can't even listen to the person talking to you. That has gotten better over time. I'm not sure how long ago you ended it?
I also know what you are saying about the jokes turning into more. He goes from one day all angry or pouty to like we are friends, makes a joke, tries to talk... .And then it gets personal, and when I don't go along with it he gets enraged again. It's a test. And it is him trying to get energy from me, control over me, some reaction. I believe this is actually happening today. Last week was VERY cold and he was being passive aggressive and I get so angry about that b/c he is the one that created this situation and now wants to be the "victim" and the angry blamer. Not today, he is being friendly and then later I saw him made a joke and I believe was almost on the verge of flirting... .I don't know what's going to happen.
There is no right answer. Things I have found helpful are to stay away as much as possible, try to figure out what I'm so afraid of if he is mad, what is it I am really missing when I wonder what he's doing or who he is talking to (it's not about HIM, it's about something missing in ME). I try to refocus if I'm thinking about him, remind myself of reality and then try to focus on something unrelated to him. I will take a 5-10 minute and listen to music when I can't get a grip. I still don't know what this means exactly, but try to focus on YOU. I know for myself I am soo wrapped up in what he is thinking, feeling, doing, etc that I totally forget what I believe is right or wrong.
Keep posting here, it is SUPER helpful and feel free to PM me if you want.
Also remember there is no RIGHT way. It will be messy, just like everything else with them is and don't beat yourself up for not doing it the "right" way.
