He's moving on after 3 Weeks

[luckyescape]

Hi all... .

So... After 3 whole weeks of separation,  I received a message from hiss ex gf who threw  him out for presumably the same reason,  telling me to keep my husband away.  I'm gutted.  3 whole weeks.  That's how much I meant to him.  I confronted him by text to say what the hell is going on and he has the audacity to tell me he's not spoken with her.  So she's a mind Reader? No then told me it was OK as it was only plenty of fish he was talking to her on.  Yeah so that's fine then?

I feel so angry now.  I've tried the softly softly friendly approach but this just takes the biscuit. I now feel like -  was any of it real?  Even our honeymoon was hideous.  It's all just so horrible and me a normal calm person it's making me angry and so wound up and hostile.

[JerryRG]

Hello luckyescape

I am new to this forum but not to pwBPD, I can tell you that there is hope and answers here. lots of painful experience and good people to help you. I am sorry you are dealing with this bs but it is common with pwBPD. Took me a long time to process my ex and her crazy behavior and many in here have helped immeasurably.

[luckyescape]

Thankyou Jerry's that's comforting to know. I'm a bit numb as well as really stuck in disbelief at the minute.

Sadly I think. It is affecting me more than I am letting myself know as yesterday I really lost it in McDonald's with the server who was just doing his job.  I'm so polite normally and very patient but because we had to wait for a big Mac at lunch time when I was in a hurry I took my frustration out on the poor man which was at no fault of course. 

Think I'm gonna get some help with dealing with all the craziness because it's starting to cause me problems too.  I'm just so feed up with the amount of stress this is still causing me weeks after he left.  He still keeps popping back to check his post etc and I just can't deal with seeing him as after 5 years of hell I've finally come to the end of my patience and tolerance.

[HarleypsychRN]

Once the realization sinks in that this individual (man or woman) wasn't the loving, caring individual you thought they were at all, recovering (at least for me) becomes easier. The whole relationship was built on caring for an individual I believed was genuine and sincere. Rather, what I discovered was a lying, manipulative shell of a human without empathy or real emotions. Mine left (blindsided me) after 50 days and believe me (if you don't believe anything else I ever say) she did me a favor.

The more I research the disorder, the cleared that becomes. Once I confronted her about her lies, she moved out the next day. Good riddance!

I'm sure many of you have a similar experience, be grateful, don't look back. You are worth more than that.

[Herodias]

Totally understand your feelings here... .Unfortunately it is what they do... .they cannot be alone. I remember my husband telling me he wished he could be alone, but he can't. They move on immediately. It's not us- it's them. It doesn't mean we didn't mean anything to them. It just means they feel abandoned and they have to have someone else.   Anyone will do- trust me- "Anyone"- that will put up with them, feed their ego and that they can manipulate.  Take care of yourself. You will need allot of comfort now.

[JerryRG]

After I kicked my exBPD out she found a guy and started a new relationship and engaged after less than one month. You're right they cannot be alone, she drained me for attention and now she's got some other fool doing it for her, for now.

She will fail again and again and hopefully find answers and help.

She will be back on my doorstep eventually but I'm still NC. The one and only way I can deal with her. I used to go back thinking it could be different and because of guilt for giving up on her and her pathetic lifestyle. Not my fault or responsibility and never was.

I need to work on my codependency and recover.

[Pablo333]

Hi,

Just remember to stay strong, I "was" friends with pwBPD and after she cut me off. I went and researched BPD all the behaviours she had with her ex's made sense to me now and all the lies she spewed to me about them to justify why she left.

She even told me about how she just woke up and moved on in one day from one of them, she didnt like doing it but she couldnt help it...

If you maintain the control dynamic its the strongest thing you can do for yourself and her. Stay no contact and move on, I use this forum to remind myself

why i need to stay strong.

If you have control they will want it back so if you need hope to help push on use that.

[once removed]

hey luckyescape 

im glad youre reaching out to us for support. its very painful when someone we love enters into a relationship so quickly, especially when we are in the midst of a lot of grief. sometimes we even tell ourselves we shouldnt be grieving; i believe to the contrary. but many people have difficulty coping with grief or the conclusion of a relationship, and jumping into a relationship seems an easier alternative. this is not your fault or a reflection of you.

Think I'm gonna get some help with dealing with all the craziness because it's starting to cause me problems too.  I'm just so feed up with the amount of stress this is still causing me weeks after he left.  He still keeps popping back to check his post etc and I just can't deal with seeing him as after 5 years of hell I've finally come to the end of my patience and tolerance.

thats a great step, luckyescape. what kind of help are you considering?

[luckyescape]

Thankyou ladies and gents x I've had a bit of a blow yesterday.  Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse if did.  Last night I sat and drank a bottle of wine to myself.  He texted me and decided to offload his guilt and the little revelation has left me feeling physically sick.

When we were together,  he worked 90 hours a week but it didn't seem to matter what he did,  he never had any money.  After months of this he would get outraged and scream at me for accusing him of spending it.  I just wanted to know why bills weren't getting paid as I was spending myiown part of our money just to pay the basics. 

This week,  not only have I been hit with court summons for a grand worth of council tax he didn't pay bit here's the best bit... .He told me that he had been spending £200 or $350 PER WEEK on a cocaine habit.  I don't hate many people but right now,  that's how I feel about him.  Thank the Lord I was strong enough to trust what my gut was telling me.