12 step advice?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

hello all

It turns out there isn't any co-dependent groups in my area. There is one group that meets rather far away, at a difficult time. But here in my neighborhood there is a longstanding Emotions Anonymous group. I don't know much about EA. Does anyone have input on whether this might be a good choice for me?

Thanks!

[HurtinNW]

hello all

It turns out there isn't any co-dependent groups in my area. There is one group that meets rather far away, at a difficult time. But here in my neighborhood there is a longstanding Emotions Anonymous group. I don't know much about EA. Does anyone have input on whether this might be a good choice for me?

Thanks!

[Notwendy]

I don't personally have experience with EA. I do have a couple of thoughts though. One is that even in the same category, with the same steps, groups can vary significantly due to the members and the focus of the group. We have several groups in my area and they are different. Some of the ACOA groups go through the workbook step by step, others have members do this on their own and more sharing. Some are made up of more beginner members, and some are advanced members. To get an idea of the nearby group and any group, you would have to attend. It is also good if possible to attend a few groups, but that isn't very convenient for you.

My other thought is, to get the most out of a group, you want the focus to be on an issue you want to work on, and you hope to have a sponsor who has worked on something similar. The focus of EA is mental/emotional illness- and I don't know how close a match that would be. ACOA focuses on childhood wounds, CODA on co-dependency. These would be my first choice. While there can be overlap of the groups ( one can have anxiety, co-dependency, alcoholism) I don't know the benefit of attending a group where the main focus is not the one you are wanting to work on. There could be some benefit to a group that focuses on anxiety, PTSD, depression, but to know what this group is about, you'd have to go see and I don't know if they would address the issues of interest to you.

I think there may be some online virtual groups and I personally would seek out a group that matched my focus.

[HurtinNW]

Thank you so much, notwendy. I hadn't even thought of virtual online groups. I will check them out. I agree I'd like a group that focuses on my particular struggles. ACOA would be a good fit for now. I'll keep searching, and I will also go ahead and attend one of the EA meetings in my neighborhood. It can't hurt, and maybe if it isn't a good fit they will have advice on something that is.

[Grey Kitty]

My $.02 is that the character of the meeting--how the people who run it do so--is at least as important as which actual group it is, for non-physical substance addiction to deal with. I wouldn't recommend groups like AA, NA, OA, etc. for codependency... .

I'd suggest that you consider EA, CoDA, ACOA, and also Al-Anon. Technically Al-Anon is for people with family members or partners who are alcoholics, so your qualification may be a little bit of a stretch, although I'd imagine somebody close to you drinks. Regardless, what you learn at Al-Anon is that you have to work on yourself, your codependency issues, and cannot stop the other person from drinking, or any of the other bad behavior they have caused by their drinking (or other reasons)

[HurtinNW]

My $.02 is that the character of the meeting--how the people who run it do so--is at least as important as which actual group it is, for non-physical substance addiction to deal with. I wouldn't recommend groups like AA, NA, OA, etc. for codependency... .

I'd suggest that you consider EA, CoDA, ACOA, and also Al-Anon. Technically Al-Anon is for people with family members or partners who are alcoholics, so your qualification may be a little bit of a stretch, although I'd imagine somebody close to you drinks. Regardless, what you learn at Al-Anon is that you have to work on yourself, your codependency issues, and cannot stop the other person from drinking, or any of the other bad behavior they have caused by their drinking (or other reasons)

My mother was an alcoholic in addition to being mentally ill, so I definitely quality for Al-Anon. The local group is EA so I am planning to attend that this Wednesday to see if it might fit.

Thanks!