He wants me to make decisions for him

[Giggy]

My adult son has had mental health issues since late adolescence.  He has pushed everyone away.  He's highly intelligent but has been unable to keep a job.  He finds something wrong with everything if it's not one thing it's another... .

It is exhausting... .Right now he wants to sue his former employer and it makes no sense.  He wants me to help him, and if I disagree he gets mad and says I'm not supportive.

If he pursues this it will be disastrous and I certainly want no part of it... .

Can someone help me?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi Giggy,

Welcome to the Parenting Board.  So sorry to learn that your son isn't well and that  your relationship with him is suffering too. 

Not wanting to be party to a lawsuit is understandable.  Have you been able to validate his feelings that he has been wronged in some way?

Our kids struggle with victim mentality and need an emotional supporter more than anything else from us.

Here is some info on Validation to help you get started learning about how and why it is so helpful to our kids:

https://bpdfamily.com/parenting/03.htm

lbj

[Giggy]

Thank you LBJNLTX,

I just read the article. It makes sense because he is always saying that I just don't get it.


My son has been seeing a psychiatrist for a few years but that doctor has now moved away and it is hard to get into another doctor.  The only diagnosis he says she has given him is depression & anxiety but after reading on BPD he has most of the characteristics.   

Because of privacy laws it is impossible to get any information from the health care professionals.  He has been hospitalized in the past twice with little success.  He didn't speak to me for a few years.  I am glad that he is back in my life but I really struggle with how to help him.

Any other suggestions as to how handle it when he rants about wanting me to help him launch a lawsuit because he says he can't do it by himself and that he is begging for me help.

His idea that he has grounds for this is totally unfounded, and it would just be one more thing to rant about when it doesn't work out like he thinks it will.  He wants revenge.

[lbjnltx]

Hi again Giggy,

It is the feelings of being wronged that he is operating from.

He has very strong feelings and to him his feelings=facts.

Could you do some research together online regarding whether or not he has grounds for a lawsuit?  He will come away angry when he sees (from others) that he hasn't any grounds.  You can then validate the heck out of his feelings and wait for him to accept the reality of his situation.

lbj

[Giggy]

Thank you!