Hope

[Crazytoo]

Hi there!

This is for all of us who are hanging in there, waiting, hoping for the other person to reach out, for things to get better, for a new chance, waiting for the troubled sea to pass hopefully once more.

What are your hopes that they will reach out based on, and why could it be better or different the next time?

My hopes for being reached out to with an intent of reconciliation are the mixed signals until the last discard. e.g. "I'm so torn, so confused. So much into you."

And the fact that there have been numerous cycles, despite the words "This is it now, finally, this time for good" being said every time.

Also some enforced time of physical distance and hopeful relaxation from the stressful triangular situation will hopefully give her some time to think and feel what she really wants.

My hopes for things getting better are the fact that we've always been sabotaged by some circumstances (person C, which she has been saying she's trying to detach from) which I hope to slowly change.

What gives me the most hope is the improvement regarding trust, the last time around. I got apologies for all the bad things said and insights about her condition. She expressed the will to change because it is getting unbearable. We both agreed to start therapy.

These are the straws I'll be hanging onto for a while, my signs in the stars... .what are yours?

Cheers.

Hy

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

I have no hope for anything anymore, mostly because by all appearances I have ceased to exist as far as she is concerned and because she hurt me to my core.  My ex said a lot of things to me during our relationship but when it came time to back those words up with actions she didn't/couldn't/wouldn't.  This caused me to slowly lose my "hope" that she could be the wonderful person I saw beneath the disorder.

[Mummyfixit]

I am hoping too. It's been over a month, how are things playing out for you?

[livednlearned]

She expressed the will to change because it is getting unbearable.

This is a really good sign, although sad to think how bad it has become to make her feel that way.

What kind of therapy? It sounds like she knows that she has BPD?

It's meaningful that you received an apology. That shows awareness  

[cherryblossom]

Personally I find hope a double edged sword and not a partically positive trait - I think hope is like a simple defense mechanism it helps make life more bearable but it can also keep u in a prison - a subtle form of splitting - focusing on the light without paying attention to dark - a useful strategy in some scenarios but naive in others - very thought provoking post thank you - you can tell im feeling pretty bleak atm! X