Good points about us, the nons

[JerryRG]

I don't know if it is appropriate but I was thinking with all we nons have been through how about putting out a few good things about ourselves and lives here in the forum? Kinda gratitude list?

Get the attention on ourselves instead of our damaged exs?

[Rickybee]

Hmm... don't know about the rest of you guys but I feel I get to keep some dignity because I was kind honest and loyal to my heartless cold BPD, I did so much for her and put up with so much abuse and still tried to be there for her and support, I feel like I represented good traits, I know i'm a good person in my heart, she knows she is a bad person in her heart, I would much rather be a good person and treat people with love and respect, she can't give that or sustain that, there was a true evil in her and had 3 characters/personalities she would switch between, the little cute innocent girl, the adult and the devil... we get a chance to start again, they continue the same problems with our replacement as the idealization phase settles down and they know they have your heart, it switches constantly from liking you to hating youto liking you, then one day... .bang you catch them out cheating and discover the levels of lying and betrayal they have been hiding, such a sad illness and tragic what us unsuspecting caregivers experienced, but the fact still remains we were good people to be prepared to be understanding and patient of our partners issues and unstable emotions and harsh behaviour and still saw some good in them and wanted to help... i know I did... sorry if I dribbled on abit there... nuff love

[Frustratedbloke]

Yeah I'm with you, the way I see it I gave her a second chance hoping that me being different would make a difference in her. It didn't, she had multiple personalities as well, kind of, and seemed to switch between frightened, scared and innocent little girl and aggressive witch.

Waif and Witch, I believe is the technical term.

As to good things about us? There are lots of good things about us. We're good people. Another good person will appreciate us, a cold b___ will look to use those qualities.

In it's own way, that's the test we should be employing and I think you only get fooled like this once.

Next time I'm going to be kind and nice, and if I feel she is trying to take advantage of it I won't talk to her about it, or reason with her, or minimise it. I will show her the door and replace her with another woman who might appreciate me.

Will do this in another thread, but I have been seeing a therapist and today I said for the first time, without prompting: 'She wasn't good enough for me.' They weren't, and they knew it. We were inviting them in for dinner and they were still trying to steal crumbs from the table. It's how they are wired... .

[JerryRG]

I was good to my exBPDgf but I now see there were strings attatched. I thought she would love me if I loved her, nope and even if I had the power to change her it wouldn't be true love.

I was thinking more along the lines of our lives and the good things about us and what we have.

Like dignity is a good thRickybee

A giving heart, generosity

Kindness

Loyalty

Love

Compassion

Understanding... .etc

I still have my health

Family

Friends

Church

God, Jesus

AA and Alanon

Hope

Joy... .etc

Focus on the good in our lives and the good in ourselves and those who are not afflicted with this horrible illness BPD.

If I had a pure heart and pure motives and healthy self worth they would never be an issue, see my point?

I myself need to keep my eyes on me, not them.

[WoundedBibi]

I was good to my exBPDgf but I now see there were strings attatched. I thought she would love me if I loved her, nope and even if I had the power to change her it wouldn't be true love.

If I had a pure heart and pure motives and healthy self worth they would never be an issue, see my point?

I myself need to keep my eyes on me, not them.

[Rickybee]

Another good thing is we are now aware of the disorder, I had never heard of BPD before I met my ex... I feel more prepared knowing this condition exists and will not ignore the  's if I ever face that kind of crazy behaviour again, its serious shiz the damage they inflict I felt like I died 10 times over and grieved on such a deep level... 9 months out and feeling much better, long way to go... truely loved her for some reason, the good her in the early stages and very rarely later on was everything I ever wanted, ill never forget it and will be scarred forever or until I fall in love with somebody else

[once removed]

just a reminder that the thread topic is "good points about us, the nons"

Get the attention on ourselves instead of our damaged exs?

[bunny4523]

I am still whole.  I am not bitter and I will love again.  This experience did not break me.  I am a loving, supportive, positive, fun, loyal woman and I have good people in my life.  I am understanding and compassionate with others.  I am fair and have a big heart.  I am a very good friend.

thanks, I needed that

[troisette]

I'm still unwrapping the "gift". I've learnt to be more careful with my kindness. And I get no pleasure from being love bombed. Looking forward to opening the box! 

[WoundedBibi]

I am still whole.  I am not bitter and I will love again.  This experience did not break me.  I am a loving, supportive, positive, fun, loyal woman and I have good people in my life.  I am understanding and compassionate with others.  I am fair and have a big heart.  I am a very good friend.

thanks, I needed that

And thank you, bunny. I needed ^^^ that.

Because that's an accurate description for me too 

Gosh, our lives are going to be wonderful 

[MapleBob]

I'm still unwrapping the "gift".

Me too.

[khibomsis]

Er, I don't have BPD. Which is kind of impressive given my BPD FOO and assorted exes.Have chronic anxiety, insomnia and my PTSD gets triggered sometimes but when I think of all that I have survived I am just really glad to be alive and able to enjoy life. I must be a pretty strong person.