Spiritual crisis

[unicorn2014]

I wasn't sure where to post this but as I was encouraged to post on this board here I am.

I have PTSD from my adolescence and my marriage so I'm posting this specific topic here instead of the coping board.

I have to take medication to help me sleep through the night but my medication was causing side effects so I tried going back on a different drug and that also had side effects so I'm going on night 3 of no medication waking up after 2-3 hours sleep.

I've been feeling nauseous in the middle of the night and I don't know if that's another side effect, if I'm sick or I'm simply being woken up by my grief, which is enormous.

I checked out keeping the love you find again to keep working on my inventory of my relationships.

I do feel more clear headed about my relationships .

I like how Hendrix , the author, defines singleness by everything that's not marriage. This has caused controversy in my relationship however I'm very happy that Hendrix sees things this way. If you're not married you're single. That's liberating as all get out. However this book is a preparation for marriage so reading it shows I  do want to give marriage another go. The first time I prepared by reading religious books. This time around it's different. This time around I've been single for a decade. Divorced is single. That's my status.

[patientandclear]

What is the crisis? Do you not feel bound to your pwBPD because he is not on a path to marrying you? If so--is that a crisis? Or just a thing that is true?

[unicorn2014]

This isn't about my current relationship , this is about my past relationships . As far as he goes I put my ring back on. Im detoxing from a sleep medication for cptsd and I'm feeling all my feelings.  I posted this on this board as opposed to the coping board because this isn't just about healing from my parents. This is about keeping the love I find, the book. I'm picking up my inventory of all my relationships. That is part of the work of that book.

[Kwamina]

Hi unicorn2014

Not on Coping this time but the Board Parrot is still responding!

The title of this thread is 'Spiritual crisis'. You mention your PTSD from your adolescence and marriage and also your enormous grief. When you consider this grief, what is it that hurts you the most? Are you talking about that pain and trauma that led to your PTSD and is still causing you problems when you talk about being in a spiritual crisis?

Getting so little sleep is a real problem too. I can imagine that this can make you extra vulnerable and sensitive, especially considering your PTSD. I hope you'll be able to find a solution for this problem.

You are currently reading a book that you see as a preparation for getting married. You see the fact that you are reading it as a sign that you do want to give marriage another go. Was that indeed also the reason you started reading this book or were there perhaps (also) other reasons?

When you talk about wanting to give marriage another go, do you have your current SO in mind for that? Since you also talk about viewing yourself as single for a decade since you aren't married to your current SO, leads me to suspect that you might not be considering marrying him. Is this assumption correct?

[unicorn2014]

Hi unicorn2014

Not on Coping this time but the Board Parrot is still responding!

Thank you Kwamina, perhaps next time I should post this on the coping board but since not just about my parents but my marriage too I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for the coping board.

The title of this thread is 'Spiritual crisis'. You mention your PTSD from your adolescence and marriage and also your enormous grief. When you consider this grief, what is it that hurts you the most? Are you talking about that pain and trauma that led to your PTSD and is still causing you problems when you talk about being in a spiritual crisis?

I guess this is more of a coping board post. Last night my brother called me and started talking about our mother and that really triggered me. I appreciate you responding and helping me recognize this is a coping and healing issue and not a personal inventory issue.

Getting so little sleep is a real problem too. I can imagine that this can make you extra vulnerable and sensitive, especially considering your PTSD. I hope you'll be able to find a solution for this problem.

I'm going back on the medication I have until I can see my nurse. I can't sleep through the night on my own.

You are currently reading a book that you see as a preparation for getting married. You see the fact that you are reading it as a sign that you do want to give marriage another go. Was that indeed also the reason you started reading this book or were there perhaps (also) other reasons?

Now that book is why I posted here so I see this is two different posts, so perhaps I'll move the conversation about my brother's phone call over to the coping board. Thank you for sorting that out!

I learned about that book here. I am working on the imago preview, the image of the idealized mate that we carry around inside of us.

When you talk about wanting to give marriage another go, do you have your current SO in mind for that? Since you also talk about viewing yourself as single for a decade since you aren't married to your current SO, leads me to suspect that you might not be considering marrying him. Is this assumption correct?

The author of the book considers all people to be single who are not married, so that also includes engaged people. He is the one I have in mind however I open to the idea of remarriage in general. I think doing this work will help me decide if I really want to marry him or not, without reacting to him. That's why I'm taking a step back from the relationship.