New here- my story

[unattached-sis]

I'm not sure if my sister has been formally diagnosed with BPD. She has said so, but I never know if what she says is true or not. I'm 32 and living in Ohio. She's about to turn 31 and is in North Carolina. I haven't spoken to her in 8 or 9 years. I got to a point where I literally worried myself sick about her, so I cut off the relationship. I didn't know what else to do. My mom has some communication with her, as do some of my family members. I continue to refuse all communication with her.

Despite having her out of my life, I feel like she's not. I help family members work through issues pertaining to her. I (sometimes obsessively) check her twitter feed and google her. I get angry thinking about her and how she has affected my family. I am angry about the pain and guilt my wonderful mom deals with because of her.

She was a runaway and a cutter in middle school and high school. When we were kids, she had bouts of explosive anger, often yelling at me for little things, then coming to my room to see if I wanted to play with her, as if nothing had happened. She and I had times where I was her best friend, and plenty of other times when I was the worst person ever. I was embarrassed of her in high school. After school, she joined the army but got kicked out of boot camp because of... .I'm still not sure. First she said she had ankle problems, then she said there was a girl who was really horrible to her, then she told my brother that it was because the army said she had BPD. She has a history of being a chronic liar. She has been Catholic, Wiccan, and Jewish. She has experimented with BDSM and vampirism. She blinded herself on purpose and recently told her story in a mini-documentary, which went viral, and went on Dr. Phil. She has divided my mom's family, fracturing relationships that used to be close.

I guess I'm just angry at her. I don't know how to come to terms with those emotions. I feel like so much of my life has been turned into a mess because of everything she has said and done.

[free2beme82]

I'm not sure if my sister has been formally diagnosed with BPD. She has said so, but I never know if what she says is true or not. I'm 32 and living in Ohio. She's about to turn 31 and is in North Carolina. I haven't spoken to her in 8 or 9 years. I got to a point where I literally worried myself sick about her, so I cut off the relationship. I didn't know what else to do. My mom has some communication with her, as do some of my family members. I continue to refuse all communication with her.

Despite having her out of my life, I feel like she's not. I help family members work through issues pertaining to her. I (sometimes obsessively) check her twitter feed and google her. I get angry thinking about her and how she has affected my family. I am angry about the pain and guilt my wonderful mom deals with because of her.

She was a runaway and a cutter in middle school and high school. When we were kids, she had bouts of explosive anger, often yelling at me for little things, then coming to my room to see if I wanted to play with her, as if nothing had happened. She and I had times where I was her best friend, and plenty of other times when I was the worst person ever. I was embarrassed of her in high school. After school, she joined the army but got kicked out of boot camp because of... .I'm still not sure. First she said she had ankle problems, then she said there was a girl who was really horrible to her, then she told my brother that it was because the army said she had BPD. She has a history of being a chronic liar. She has been Catholic, Wiccan, and Jewish. She has experimented with BDSM and vampirism. She blinded herself on purpose and recently told her story in a mini-documentary, which went viral, and went on Dr. Phil. She has divided my mom's family, fracturing relationships that used to be close.

I guess I'm just angry at her. I don't know how to come to terms with those emotions. I feel like so much of my life has been turned into a mess because of everything she has said and done.

I feel the same way about my sister. We have not talked for years even though we live in the same town. My sister was much younger than I am. Before she was 21 she married two men she didn't know, and got deeply involved in cutting. My sister was also in the military and was kicked out. I am not sure why, but I think it was prostitution because she was selling herself to groups of men for the weekend. She did go AWOL once, and during that time she admitted that she was on drugs.

My mother also has BPD. She has always wanted something to be wrong with her. She would often say she was going to hurt or kill herself. She controls my emotions by putting the fear of what she may do in our brain. So, that way we are obligated to do as she asks.

The only way that I have learned to cope is to live in truth, and reach out to others. I also try to constantly work on myself because there are aspects of me that I have to work on to stay healthy. When an emotion arises, I have to let myself feel that emotion. Because for so many years, I hid what I really thought, and I think that the distance that I put between me and my family is a very good thing.

I hope you find peace on your journey!

[unattached-sis]

It's good to know I'm not alone. I don't think of myself as an angry person, so I have a really hard time letting that emotion out. I have had a few "conversations" with her while alone in my car, when I just let things out. But it's definitely something I need to keep working on. I just found out that I've been accepted into a master in social work program (woohoo!) and plan to focus on mental health. Maybe helping people with similar situations will help me accept and heal.

free2beme82- do you hope to get to a point where you would want to talk to your sister again? I feel like I've given up hope on mine, and I'm just sad that I never got that sisterly relationship I've always wanted. It has to be super hard for you to have a mom AND sister with BPD.

[free2beme82]

It's good to know I'm not alone. I don't think of myself as an angry person, so I have a really hard time letting that emotion out. I have had a few "conversations" with her while alone in my car, when I just let things out. But it's definitely something I need to keep working on. I just found out that I've been accepted into a master in social work program (woohoo!) and plan to focus on mental health. Maybe helping people with similar situations will help me accept and heal.

free2beme82- do you hope to get to a point where you would want to talk to your sister again? I feel like I've given up hope on mine, and I'm just sad that I never got that sisterly relationship I've always wanted. It has to be super hard for you to have a mom AND sister with BPD.

I don't think I'll ever be able to talk to my sister. My mother tried to manipulate me into a relationship with her back in December. We added each other on Facebook for a few days, but I realized that any relationship was not going to work. This time, I let her know exactly why I dissolved my relationship with her. I told her that I know that she told lies to me, and to the family. I also knew that she lied about me and my husband in the past. I just told her the truth. I told her that I have to do what I can to protect my family. I've tried everything. It's destructive for my family to have her around, and I'm not too sure that my relationship with her is healthy for her.

I dissolved the relationship with my mother at the same time because I caught her in a web of lies as well. She changed after a 30,000 dollar settlement back before Christmas. Money is always used to manipulate. Never accept gifts from a person who has BPD! There's always a motive.  I learned that lesson the hard way!

As you notice with BPD there is a clear cycle. Someone is always the scapegoat. The BPD mind is always mad at someone for something real or un-imagined. I've been in this cycle all of my life. There has always been someone in my family that was mad at each other. But, they always start the cycle over without even addressing the reason that they did not speak for so long.

This time, I let both my sister, and my mother know why I didn't think they were healthy for me. It took them off guard. I told the truth. I let them go.

I don't think I can ever go back. I have to stay true to myself. I deserve so much better than that relationship.

Even still, I am working on my own traits of codependency. I feel like all of the things that I was not allowed to feel in my relationships in order to "keep the peace" are now being brought up. It's like a boil. The pain is deep, and comes to the surface. It may look OK, but eventually it oozes everywhere. That's where I am right now. I'm oozing everywhere. And, it's OK. It's just where I am right now.

I have a Master's Degree in Social Work! I just finished my degree last year! Good luck on your journey!