I broke it off

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well I just couldnt take it anymore.

Yesterday evening we had a nice evening, the atmosphere was relaxed. Nothing romantic but just chill

Today she turns cold on me again. I still have feelings for her so I told her that this isnt going to work for me. That it's too difficult for me to see, speak or hear her. And that it would be best if we had no contact anymore.

She very coldly replied: well, i dont find it difficult to see you. As if she can just turn off a switch. And yes, maybe it's best that we leave each other alone.

And that was that... .yesterday all fun, today all silent and cold... .

Now it's up to me to really leave her alone

I'm already thinking, maybe i did the wrong thing. Maybe i just should have kept my cool and sit it out. But i've been sitting it out for so long already, i just cant take it anymore.

Sometimes the best thing to do is turn around and walk away... .

[Tomacini]

Well I just couldnt take it anymore.

Yesterday evening we had a nice evening, the atmosphere was relaxed. Nothing romantic but just chill

Today she turns cold on me again. I still have feelings for her so I told her that this isnt going to work for me. That it's too difficult for me to see, speak or hear her. And that it would be best if we had no contact anymore.

She very coldly replied: well, i dont find it difficult to see you. As if she can just turn off a switch. And yes, maybe it's best that we leave each other alone.

And that was that... .yesterday all fun, today all silent and cold... .

Now it's up to me to really leave her alone

I'm already thinking, maybe i did the wrong thing. Maybe i just should have kept my cool and sit it out. But i've been sitting it out for so long already, i just cant take it anymore.

Sometimes the best thing to do is turn around and walk away... .

[once removed]

hi tomacini 

i can certainly relate to instant feelings of self doubt and second guessing, even when ive acted according to my gut, my values, my boundaries.

Today she turns cold on me again. I still have feelings for her so I told her that this isnt going to work for me. That it's too difficult for me to see, speak or hear her. And that it would be best if we had no contact anymore.

this is your truth and it is valid. you did what is best for you. under those circumstances, your steps strike me as appropriate.

Maybe i just should have kept my cool and sit it out. But i've been sitting it out for so long already, i just cant take it anymore.

we all have our limits tomacini. to say "i cant take it anymore" is to acknowledge them and respect ourselves 

[Tomacini]

Thanks for the support.

I really feel i've reached my limits. I wake up every morning at 5 am and cant sleep anymore. I'm developing physical symptoms due to stress... .

Thinking back, I was unhappy 75% of the time. Of course, part of it is due to my codependancy so a 'normal' guy would have been less unhappy but still.

I'm seeing a T for this that says i've made great progress. I will never be totally not codependant and i would probably function well within a normal relationship. But with a pwBPD, no thats never gonna work. She was able to push ALL my red buttons

[lingering]

 I broke my marriage of six years off about six weeks ago. It really does feel crazy making. I have stated my no contact boundary last Saturday after getting all my things out. It is so tempting to look at the blocked messages. I guess I just want to say I understand. I want to get past this pain. So I'm not going to read the messages.

[once removed]

tomacini, have you ever heard of the concept of low self efficacy, and if so, is it something you relate to?

i was also unhappy in my relationship 75% of the time (i frequently told my ex that things were 90% bad). the obvious question would seem to be "then why did you stay", but the answers arent so clear and hard to communicate. people with low self efficacy often find themselves in situations they dont really want to be in. they have difficulty saying no, feel self doubt, and second guess themselves. practicing good boundaries and living my values has had a positive effect, and i feel much more sure of myself, and though i still sometimes find myself in a situation id rather not be in, i have increasingly acted according to my limits, and as a result felt better about being true to me and more self assured. i can still feel guilt or self doubt, and i may always, but it no longer overwhelms the voice that says "you did the right thing".

the lack of sleep and physical symptoms due to stress take a huge toll on a person. its very difficult to approach things with a clear mind, and over time it gets even more difficult to act according to your limits, you just keep moving the line.

glad to hear youre seeing a T, and i believe her when she says youve made great progress 

[Tomacini]

Thanks so much for the insight.

Yes you're right, many times I stayed in relationships way too long until the other party broke it off. I wonder why that is... .it feels like letting go of people i (once) love(d) is more difficult for me than it is for others. Maybe its fear for the unknown but hey, guess what, there would always be something new and better (well not always better haha)

[once removed]

i can very much relate, tomacini. definitely worth exploring in therapy, or even on the personal inventory board.

i have a feeling that for both of us, dealing with this issue can open the door to healthier relationships, and make us more attractive, visible, and emotionally available partners.

[lunchbox123]

I'm already thinking, maybe i did the wrong thing. Maybe i just should have kept my cool and sit it out. But i've been sitting it out for so long already, i just cant take it anymore.

The core of toxic relationships is thinking/hoping, now things will get better. We just have to get through this part or this thing has to change and it will be good again.

If you're in a relationship based on that, realistically, why would it get better? If there really is a tough situation, doesn't not being able to get through that together mean there really isn't a solid relationship to begin with?