What if they are with a partner that is like them in maturity level and/or possibly even both being BPD... .? Maybe they understand each other better?
I have read that people tend to gravitate towards people with a similar maturity level. In the early stages of a relationship, there is a lot of superficial, cutesy stuff that happens. As the relationship matures, that stuff slowly subsides. With two healthy people, the relationship matures and intimacy grows.
Something I keep telling myself that my ex may be with someone like himself. To watch someone else love-bomb him as much as she does, it truly weird. To see her write on Facebook "he completes me in every way" shows me she is totally immature and acting like him.
Maybe that is why they get along so well! They both give each other that boost.
He may be protective of her now because she is having his child, but I know as soon as she takes her focus off of him and on to the baby... I am sure it will change. I guess this is about validating myself when he is being made to look like some wonderful sensitive guy to the world and only a few of us know the truth.
He is protective of her now because she doesn't see through his facade. He isn't protecting her as much as he is protecting the fantasy and the illusion.
How do they go out and get other women this way? Is it because they look like such a wonderful guy on Facebook and then he goes off and pretends they are not that happy with the side women?
It is rather easy for a guy to go out and sell a woman a sob story. My stbx would tell women a bunch of lies. I never understood why he had to tell them lies. He and I had agreed to try an open relationship for a while. Instead of telling the truth, he would tell these women all sorts of things about me that weren't even true. He would ask them about their day but wouldn't ask me. He would encourage them to do things for themselves while raising a fuss if I tried to do anything that involved leaving the house. I read some of the crap he told some of those women. From an objective standpoint, if some guy had told me the things that he was telling them, I would have felt sorry for him too. The part that he wasn't telling them was that the crap he was feeding them was based on a distorted view of reality. He was telling them I didn't have sex with him any more. I wasn't doing it any less either. He couldn't remember when it last happened so to him it had been forever. He would tell them all kinds of stuff that was based on his distorted notion where he was stating his feelings as though they were facts.
To have people look at me and think, oh, she is just bitter because he is off and in love with a younger woman... .man that gets me so angry. He is so much more than a guy that left his wife for someone he could truly love... .Maybe this is why I am questioning all of this in the first place. I look like the bad one for not wishing him well and seeing how happy he is... .What do you all think having lived with these kind of people. Are we just bitter and mean? Control freaks who couldn't make our relationships work? I think not! P.S. the only reason I am looking now is because I need evidence in court. I will not look any more after I am divorced. That is my plan anyway for my sanity. My lawyer said we may have to call the gf in as a witness to the adultery! He is going to love that one! Maybe we can call all of the woman in- terrible what I may have to endure soon.
How do you know that is what people are saying about you? How do you know that people are thinking that you are just bitter because he is off with a younger woman?
I completely understand these feelings. I feel like his mom and other people that are close to him are judging me. From the outside, it looks like I kicked him and am dating another man. I don't hide what I am doing. People don't know that he has several women "friends". They don't know that he met those friends through online dating sites and other not so wonderful ways.
I don't think it is meanness or bitterness as much as it is extremely hurt. I feel like my stbx assaulted the very core of who I am. Sexual betrayal can be very confusing and cause so many mixed feelings and so much friggin' hurt. If he has a girlfriend and a long list of other women, then maybe he is a sex addict or something.
People that know me know that the picture he is presenting is complete crap. I have to comfort myself with that. Sure, things may look one way to an outsider. That is not how things really are. It is really difficult to navigate things when you are not putting on a show. You are letting out your anger and bitterness while he is putting on a show. I am not going to put on a show yet at the same time I do get very frustrated and angry because he is acting like the concerned husband/father when it is convenient yet he was willing to blow off his kids to meet up with some other chick. Nobody knows those little details. I tried to tell his mom about some of this stuff one time and I was told, "Oh, he would never do that. I think you are mistaken." Um, he did do it. He puts on such a good boy act some days that it makes me want to scream.
